Guilt Guilt Guilt!
A couple years ago my mother invited herself to move in with me. She left Assisted Living because they wanted to take her to the doctor. After a year she was diagnosed with cancer and had a mastectomy. She was to go to an oncologist but never did. I did not force her to go. At the time she was alert and was able to decide for herself. Something developed near her surgical wound and wouldn't heal. I told her that she needed to go to the doctor because it had taken too long for the wound to heal. Meanwhile living with this woman is not an easy thing to do. She really made a mess of my home. I'd clean up and then she'd have to do something to really make the place dirty. She insulted me for cleaning. She was also verbally abusive. When I had therapy back in 2006 my therapist made that comment and I really found in to be a relief that maybe I wasn't so terrible. Anyway I was not allowed to disagree with my mother on anything or she'd hit the ceiling. This was even before she got old. If I mentioned I wanted to do something (like take a trip to somewhere someday or leave the state I currently live in because I don't care for it) she tells me why I can't do it. She also criticized me, the music I listen to, that I'm fat that my cooking isn't any good that I don't sent up the kitchen, etc. Meanwhile she put on a very cheerful phasod for people outside. People tell me what a postive cheerful person my mother is and yet I've never known anyone to be as pessimistic (except me). I'd cook dinner and as I was taking it out of the oven at 5:46 p.m. she'd go to bed because it was too late to eat. Her slob of a daughter wouldn't feed her. One night she fell when I was away so the EMTs got her and took her to the hospital where it was discovered she has metastatic cancer. She is now receiving hospice care at a nursing home. Anyway here I'm making her sound like a monster when she's been very generous at times. I imagining meeting God and He says to me, "What do you mean your mother was verbally abusive when she did all this stuff for you? She is such a wonderful person and she will be with Me in Heaven while you are going directly to Hell.