I'm so sad. My grandma is in pain and can't sleep.

Started by

My grandma is begging non-stop to not be in pain while laying in bed right now. She has a bone in her back that is painful, and she can never get the pillows right. No amount of adjusting can help, and I am just in the room typing because I don't know how to help her. Her begging for help sounds so heart-wrenching. I usually am so annoyed by her incessant demands, but right now I feel so horrible for her. I should go in and help her, just be there with her. But it's just so painful to even be in the room with her.


I don't think that we do an adequate job of pain relief in this country. As soon as her clinic opens in the morning, call in and beg, plead, cry, do whatever you have to do to get some pain medicine to have on hand for when pain gets so bad at night.

I can't remember your story (I'm sorry) -- is Grandma near the end? Might she qualify for hospice? Pain relief is a high priority with them.

Would it give Grandma some comfort if you stayed in the room with her, said soothing things, perhaps applied a heating pad and/or ice packs -- anything to let her know at least you are trying and you would make the pain go away if you could? It doesn't sound like you are going to get to sleep tonight in any case.

Hugs to you, and to Grandma, too.

Did you get through the night? How are things now?

Thinking about you,
Bookworm: As I posted on your more recent thread, your grandmother needs more help than you are capable of giving her at home. You are at the end of your rope and it's not fair to you to have to be up with her every hour.

I recall on your grandmother's most recent hospitalization you said she did not want to come home because she felt professional care gave her more comfort.

The problem is that she has assets that you and your mom want to preserve. If you can do that without causing your grandmother unnecessary suffering, then that is fine, but I think you are past that point now. She needs more help than you can provide.

I have a history of mental illness, and yesterday I started experiencing triggers of my mental illness when attempting to care for my grandma. It's really weird, I was getting a ride home from a friend, and at one point I didn't recognize the street we were driving on, even though we were on a street I've driven along my whole life. I got really scared for a bit and I was disoriented. Part of my mental illness is that I am really easily influenced by stuff going on around me to the point that I become it. It's really really complicated. But I feel like if I help her any longer I'm going to go crazy and end up in the hospital again. I told my mom I can't do it any more, not at all. I am avoiding her.

Also she's getting very out of control. She has been receiving physical therapy so she is starting to walk a bit, but she today was wandering around the house about to fall down, trying to do the obsessive stuff she did before (wrapping garbage etc) I think even though she may be able to walk again it's going to cause more problems because she's so insane. I literally think she sounds like a demon when she is screaming when it gets bad enough. I have to stay away and have my own life or else I'll lose another couple of years of my life recovering from yet another mental breakdown. At this rate my whole life has been a recovery period from constant breakdowns, and now I finally have stability through accepting Jesus Christ. I would like to enjoy this new and precious stability I have, and this is truly bringing me to a place I cannot go.

Also my mom was looking at the cost of the average home health attendant's salary, and it is equivalent to her own. I think it's going to maybe turn out that we find that 24/7 care is more expensive than we thought, and it is just better to send her to a home anyway. Who knows, can't tell right now.
Bookworm: The very next time your grandma is screaming in pain, call 911 and have an ambulance come and take her to the hospital. She needs to be evaluated for pain management and needs to be in a rehabilitation/skilled nursing facility where staff can keep a professional eye on her 24/7. You are doing this for her sake and for yours.

Your mom has had ample time to check into the cost of 24/7 in home care. I'm appalled that your mom allows your mental health to suffer in order to keep material assets.

Part of your obligation to preserving your own mental health is to act appropriately on your own behalf. Plus, you know in your heart that your grandma needs more help than she is getting at home. You know through your relationship with Jesus that love, comfort and compassion are more important that material goods.

Please step forward and take steps to help yourself and your grandmother.

Love and Hugs, Cattails.
OMG. Your mother is risking your mental health to hang on to some money. Your grandmother is in severe pain and no one has arranged to have pain medication on hand.

You are not at fault here, dear Neesa, but if I knew your grandmother's name and address I swear I'd call protective services myself.

I am extremely glad that you have the strength to remove yourself from this toxic situation. Please urge your mother to place her mother where she can get the attention and care she needs.
Medicare can send her a special Air Mattress, she might have bad arthritis laying flat. I hope you can turn her on her side and give her tylenol or advil until the new bed, or a decision is made.Big Hugs to her please, poor thing!

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support