My grandmother lives alone. She has arthritis, diabetes, and gets sick frequently, and isn't in her right mind 50% of the time.
My mother has POA and lives in a different state is retired and cares for my father with heart issues and needs to be there to help him some. The problem is grandma doesn't want to move in with mom or go to a facility of some kind and insist she can live independently. She can't walk well or drive anymore and cannot live without depending on someone to take her to dr. grocery, pharmacy, won't follow dr orders and keeps getting sick and hospitalized monthly if not more frequently. When she gets sick (frequently)she usually is incoherent and out of it. But she has times she is of sound mind and says she won't be put away and she is staying in her home. Mom feels that she that as long as she has periods of soundness and doesn't want to go anywhere that she cannot force her to move in with her or go to facility. Most of the rest of the family feels like due to the periods of incoherence and her inability to drive or care for herself independently that her staying alone is dangerous because she doesn't know when she has lost her faculties and cannot care for herself. No one is able to move in with her and she doesn't want them to and she won't go to mom's so she can care for her 24/7. Even with grandkids and her daughters doing things (going to dr hospital, cleaning, grocery shopping and cooking when we are able to be there) she is at home alone most of the time. There are some family nearby but none of them are able to be there or get there 24/7 because they care or are caring for themselves or other family members. They believe she isn't sound enough to be alone and aren't able to help any more than they already have and want Mom to take her her home with her or put her in a facility. Mom says she can't make grandma and won't put her anywhere against her will. The doctors have been led to believe that she has someone that can be there at any moment or can check in enough that we can catch something before she hurts herself or gets hurt. But that is not the truth, some have jobs or illnesses of their own and cannot just drop whatever to get there at a moments notice and mom is at least 2 1/2 hrs away. Mom says she will do something when the doctors tell her she has to and she has no choice. There have been incidents the doctors know about that where grandma did dangerous things when she wasn't in her right mind and was sick. No doctors have said Grandma cannot live alone or requires 24 hr attention or forced Mom to make a decision for 24hr care.What do we do? What can we do before grandma falls, ets hurt or dies?