My grandmother has a low-life boyfriend and she's in denial that he's bleeding her dry and is screwing her life up.

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She picked up this loser back in 2011 when her low-life heroin addicted son brought this homeless bum to her house and expected her to offer him a place to stay because this douchebag was carting him (her son) back and forth to work. First, this hobo Stu looking mofo went after my mom and asked her if she would go out on a date with him; she declined because she knew what he was. He then decides to ask my grandmother on a date. They've been going steady since 2011. This idiot 12 years younger than her; he is bipolar. He is hateful and rude. No one else in our family can stand him. He doesn't even attempt to try to get along with us and often complains and gives her a hard time about coming to our houses to visit or going on family outings with us by making her feel guilty about living his dumbass alone, calls her constantly when she is out making complaints about what is he going to do about dinner like she's supposed to be there all the time to coddle and cook for stupid ass. My grandmother ended losing the house she inherited through foreclosure on a home rehab loan that her and my aunt took out back in 2007 but the home is beyond repair. She decided to get an apartment with this idiot. All of us wanted her to live closer to all of us because she did not have a car at the time; if she moved closer to us she would on a busline and live in a suburb where most places that she would need to get to are within walking distance. No, instead she listens to that dirty douchebag of boyfriend of hers and he moves 45 minutes away from all of us; you cannot even get there via major highway and she has to take 2 to 3 buses to get where she needs to go. The closest businesses to her are only a Kroger and a St. Vincent de Paul. To make matters worse, the place is a squalid dump filled with heroin addicts and dust heads whom have broken into her apartment stealing her cellphone and little savings she had. Now, the place is being condemned by the city but the landlord is attempting to flip the script on their tenants and are not only evicting my grandmother but are also suing her for property damage in excess of $3,000 and that damage had occurred long before she moved into that shithole. She filed a personal injury lawsuit against Kroger and won and received a small settlement for $12K in 2014. With that money, she bought herself a 2002 Toyota Camry with low miles so she would have transportation but in the past few months, her idiot boyfriend's piece of shit truck broke down and cannot be fixed so now he's driving her car while she is walking everywhere and taking 2 to 3 buses to get to and from work. Since they have had an apartment, there is no equitable division of the monthly expenses; she pays everything; the rent, utilities, the food, and for the cable. He is supposed to pay for the utilities but every other month its getting shut off because the idiot isn't paying it. He supposed to pay the cable to but that's shut off right now and the cable is also shut off every other month. She also pays the loser 's car insurance and in 2013, he got busted with a heroin contaminated straw and was sentenced to a drug diversion program. She paid over $300 just to get this fucking moron into that program. He completed, not without hiccups of course. He will also ingest anything to get himself high. I don't even know what to say to her anymore and sometimes, I don't even know if I want to have a relationship with her; she cancels plans with me to go pimp herself out to whatever pay by day laborer she can find that actually works seniors to pay her way out of a hole that her disgusting idiot boyfriend got her into. I offer the best advice I can offer that she never takes heed to and then when she fails to heed my advice and ends up in a hole I have to hear complain about her life. She won't come around for three or 4 weeks at a time because she is so far shoved up his ass it makes me want to puke and I'm not sure if she wants to be I think she feels like she has to because he complains so much when she goes out.


1. Someone needs to take control of your grandmother and remove her from that situation. Obviously you've documented a lot of abuses. The questions first are

(a) whether your GM has executed a DPOA by which someone can handle her legal and financial affairs,

(b) whether your GM has executed any other estate planning documents, and

(c) whether or not anyone has considered applying for guardianship for her.

(d) whether there's been any diagnosis of dementia.

2. If no to all of the above, it would be advisable if someone could get her to at least consider the estate planning documents; however, I think she might name the BF as opposed to the family so even raising the issue of this poses a risk.

3. Contact APS and ask about intervention tactics. If you haven't already, report this man's illegal activities to the police. If APS doesn't intervene, consider getting guardianship, along with plans to move her from the situation and get an injunction (PPO) against the BF. And getting an injunction to prevent contact is key to remedying the situation.

And BTW, it's easy to understand your post and concern without resorting to such crude language.

I hardly know what to say to you. You are so disproportionately angry!

Your gram is choosing a destructive lifestyle. Parents, especially, have sought to change destructive lifestyles in their loved ones with mixed success. In this case, the loved one is old enough to know better and free to do as she pleases. This guy obviously fulfills SOMETHING in gram's life.

If you love your gram, just roll with it. Try to see her when you can. If she cancels, tell her to call next time she's free. And, by all means, feel free to tell her you are sick to death of discussing her problems...that you don't want to do that anymore...and that if she ever wants to discuss SOLUTIONS, you're her gal.
You don't say how old your granny is but it really doesn't matter. It's no different than if your BFF took up with a low life bum, it's her choice and there is nothing you can say or do to make her see that it is a poor one. If you want to continue to have a relationship with her then limit it to conversations about the family, mutual friends, politics or whatever, but agree to NOT discuss him or whatever crisis she is in at the moment.
You already know that someday you will probably be called upon to help pick up the pieces (that may be what is fuelling some of your anger), have a plan in place and try to resist saying "I told you so".
I don't think anyone or anything is going to change Grandma. She's clearly an "A...Hole Magnet". It sounds to me like she's heading towards the bottom. I went through a similar situation in my family and I finally had to walk away and not look back. In hindsight, nothing I could have said or done would have changed this person's destructive behavior.
I just don't want to see her homeless, broke, sued, and all used up by some dirty old bum.
I can accept that he's what she chose for her life but it becomes a much larger pill to swallow when he puts in one bad situation after the other.
If I remember your original post you said you had tried talking to her. You can sure keep trying but unless she's mentally incompetent there's no legal action you can take. You, or a bad ass guy if available could confront the bum but that could lead to even more problems if it goes badly. I totally sympathise with you. You care for her and hate to see this happening. But I suspect this is a pattern in her life of hooking up with users and losers. It sounds similar to the women who are physically abused and keep forgiving the guy only to get beaten up again. It's a very hard pattern to break free off.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: lusty love makes you do stupid things. A whiff of _____ and your brain falls by the roadside. People try to open your eyes, and you accuse them of being envious and trying to destroy your happiness.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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