My grandmother has Alzheimer's and I really need help.

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My grandmother is in her mid-seventies and has Alzheimer's. My mother and I live with her, but lately things have gotten difficult. My grandmother has been constantly accusing my mother of stealing money from my grandmother, which of course is not true. She threatens to sue my mother and kick her out of the house. This has put a lot of pressure on my mother and I, especially since my mother is rarely happy anymore due to the accusations of my grandmother. Also, my grandmother never wants to leave the house anymore. Even to go to the grocery store of the mall, she throws the equivalent of a temper-tantrum and states that she "doesn't want to go nowhere." I am starting to feel a little trapped in my own house, because since I'm 16, I like to go out with my friends and go shopping, but I can never do that because I have to take care of my grandmother, since I seem to be one of the only ones she trusts anymore. I'm not really sure to do. We have went to many doctors, but all of them say that it's just one of the side-effects of Alzheimer's... but that answer is not good enough for me. I want to get help not only for the sake of my grandmother, but for my mother, who seems to always be depressed now. What can I do to try to make things better?


Hi Queen... I really admire you for seeking help for your Family. If having someone to come in and provide in home service for your Grandmother isn't an option then as hard as it may be to make some of the hard decisions of having your Grandmother placed in an Assisted living or Nursing home, that may be the better option for you all.
I'm not a proponent of throwing in the towel just because the going gets tough but I am a proponent of knowing when to seek help and accepting it.

You can check on line for homes in your area, visit them and help your Mother to make a healthier life for you all.

I wish you the best, check in often theres a lot of support out here.
I wish that were an option, but the results of putting my grandmother in a nursing home would be too great. My family would shun my mother and I for not "giving our all" - or so they would think - into helping my grandmother. I need a solution that helps me while still making me able to take care of my grandmother in her home.
Hi Queen...I'm sorry you are going through this. I would suggest talking to your mom and contacting your local Area Agency on Aging. They can help you figure out why types of assistance your family needs and provide you with resources. You don't mention who has power of attorney or if your grandmother is still making decisions for herself. This is something you and your mom should investigate. There are strategies and resources available for your family if the intent is to keep her at home.
How very kind of you to be so helpful.

I would suggest that your mother get some counselling. The doctors are right. Accusing the caregivers of stealing is an extremely common behavior in Alzheirmer's Disease. It is not your mother's fault in any way, and it will help her to learn to not take it so personally. (Hard, I know -- that is why I suggest outside help.) Also, Mother may benefit from an antidepressant. She should discuss this with her doctor, or the counselor may make suggestins to ask the doctor about.

Mother might also consider joining a caregiver support group, where she will definitely learn she is not alone, and hear how other people cope with AD behaviors.

Can you influence your mother to get the help she needs?

It is not appropriate for a 16-year-old to have responsibility for an elder with dementia. Keep her company for several hours a week? Fine. Be tied to the house fulltime? No, that is not appropriate. I suspect that if your mother was not having her own problems with depression she would not allow that to be happening to you. Whether you are the only one she trusts or not you CANNOT be the only one who stays home with her. That is not acceptable. Grandmother won't be happy if you go out. Grandmother is not happy now. So ... go out!

That family that expects you to give your all for Grandmother -- do they give their all (or even a little) to help? Can someone invite GM over or come over and stay with GM, so you and Mother can have a weekend or a day off? Does someone else come over and help GM with taking a shower, or getting dressed, or just stay with GM while Mom does the grocery shopping? Family who insist that a loved one stay in her home need to pitch in an help make that possible.

Family aren't the only people who can help out. What is GM's financial situation? In addition to the house, does she have assets? A monthly income? Really, this shouldn't be your concern, but someone needs to step up and arrange a healthier situation. It will probably involve paying for some professional care, either in the house or in a care center. So the financial situation is relevant.

Whether a peron with dementia stays in a private home or goes to a care center should be determined by what is best to that person. Not always, but very often the dementia progresses to a point where it is nearly impossible for the person to get good care at home. It doesn't sound like your grandmother has reached that point, but please understand that it may happen. The decision has to be made based on what is best for her, not what family members who don't see the picture 24/7 wish would be best.

Your mother and your grandmother are both very, very lucky to have you! I'm sure that you will continue to be there for them both, but you really also have to get about the business of being a teenager. Grandmother may be around for another two decades, and you can't put it off that long!

My grandmother is above 75 and is suffering from Alzheimer's. I got to know about it from her forgetting behavior ,today she asked me where did she slept the last night?, this confused me , i anyhow answered her but now i want to know how to talk to her and take care of her without sending her to a nursing home.

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