My 94 year old grandmother recently moved in with my family because she was lonely and we thought it would be good for her to be with family. She has dementia, is barely mobile and needs help with all ADL's.
It seems like she is picking on my 13 year old daughter, but I am trying to be diplomatic. For the most part my daughter has been very helpful, giving grandma an arm to lean on, bringing her things (tissue, coffee, water, a pillow, the list goes on and on), helping her with her oxygen, taking off her socks, whatever Grandma asks of her. If she starts to get too needy (which is often) my daughter will just remove herself from the situation and complain to me privately. She is 13, and she is dramatic, but she hides it pretty well from Grandma.
Yesterday, my daughter was napping on the couch after a day of swimming and my Grandma woke her up and asked her to move because in her words "that's my seat". Our couch is a sectional and over 12 feet long, there was plenty of room elsewhere. The other day while she was sweeping the floor my Grandma sat in a chair and pointed out all of the areas she missed (my daughter didn't find it helpful and went to her room and pouted after). I know Grandma loves her, she tells me all the time what a sweet girl she is, but all she does is criticize and annoy her when they are together! I am tired of my kids (I have a 15 year old boy too) "escaping" to their rooms! I don't know how to handle this. It's all new to me and it seems like there is a new issue every day. If I set Grandma up in her room so we can have some space she cries and tells us we should just put her in a home. Or she calls my mom and tells on me. I feel like I am going to have a breakdown. How the heck do people deal with these issues!? Teenagers are hard enough on their own, now this!? My kids are straight A students, good kids, I want them around as much as possible before they grow up and move away. I love my Grandma but I love my kids more. How can I make this work? Help!