Granddaughter taking care of grandmother.

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At 13 my grandfather passed away and i moved in with grandma to help her. I am now 32 almost 33 and just now starting my life. Anytime i would try to get a job or do anything my grandmother would get sick or hurt when i wasnt there and i finally gave up and stopped looking for love or doing anything for me. 4 year's ago i visited michigan after growing up in California and fell in love with michigan and grandma ended up helping me get a home in mi. Well she ended up livng with me for a year. Then went to California and decided to stay in California. 2 years went by and i was able to work and start having a life and grandma got sick, so i went to California and brought her back to michigan. Well i got her healthy again and she went back to California fora while and had an eye issue come up and felt she had to stay in California because of her eye doctor there. While she was there i ended up getting married to my best friend and secret crush from high school. Then grandma is suddenly diagnosed with dementia we bring her to michigan. Well she gets here and she is better. Stress induced dementia. Well she decides to go back to sd to get some of her things, then i get a call from my aunt who tells me grandma hadn't meant the house as a gift for everything i had done to help grandm. She only put it in my name. Because she had a reverse mortgage on her home in California and it was always supposed to be her home here in michigan and that i was supposed to take care of her for the rest of her life and not have any life of my own. I know i am burned out and stressed from caring for her and of her 6 kids and three other grandkids not a one is stepping up to help or provide me with any relief. Sorry for the rant. Dont get me wrong i am grateful for her help. But she never discussed her expectations with me when she helped me get the home.


One quick question, does your Grandmother still have her home in California that has a Reverse Mortgage? If she is moving her primary address to Michigan, then there will be a set time frame that her Reverse Mortgage lender will require her to pay back the Reverse Mortgage, or re-finance the house, or sell the house. If she does nothing, the house could go into foreclosure.
Yes she still has the reverse mortgage. She wants to put the house up for sale. That was another reason she had gone back to California. The housing market was so bad that she would not have been able to sell it for the amount of the reverse. Mortgage
So sell the house in CA and let aunty handle that. Now if the house in MI is in your name, no one can force you to give that up. Don't believe anything that aunty says, she is trying to manipulate you. She is not to be trusted.
As I understand it, reverse mortgage companies have an insurance on the mortgage so if the home sells for less than the mortgaged amount they still get their money. What was your agreement with grandm? If she meant you to have the home for all you have done for her and she was of sound mind no one can 'override' her decision or force you to do something. I'd say sell the home in CA. You have devoted yourself to caring for her, you deserve some time for you. Being a caregiver is stressful, if grandm decides to live with you, find some in home help (depending on what she needs). Maybe she can move into a senior complex, it would do her good to meet other people around her age. You can still assist if your needed. Look for a caregiver support group in your area. If grandm needs more help and you notice her dementia is worsening, then look for an adult medical day care-they have lots of activities, meals etc. It's a great place, at least in my experience. Maybe the aunt wants you to take care of her because she doesn't. Family can have some funny thought processes, my grandma took care of her father and 4 brothers after her mom died, when her dad died he left her a bit more money in the will than the other children because she put her life on hold to care for him and her brothers. You should be happy in life, try to guide grandm to what is right for her and you. Other family members should help, if they don't it's their loss for grandm won't live forever. The time you've spent with her is precious. I know things have been stressful, and when there is family conflict it makes things worse. I think things have a way of working out. Stand back, take a deep breath and try to look at the situation in a more objective way-what's best for grandma and what is best for you and what decisions can you live with. Good luck
We have grandma on the waiting list for an assisted living. But she doesn't want to go into assisted living. She wants me to be her full time caregiver and doesn't. Allow me to have me time
Sadie, time to tell Grandma that she has no choice, it's either assisted living or living all by herself which she knows she can't do. Of course she wants YOU, and only you, to be her full time Caregiver because you are letting her get her way.

If your Grandmother sells the house for less than what is owed on the Reverse Mortgage, the amount of money that is written off could be declared as *income* on your Grandmothers income taxes. Check with an Elder Law attorney to see what would be the best route to take regarding the house in California.
Thank you for the recommendation freqflyer.

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