Recognition: Grams is miserable no matter what.
I have been taking personal responsibility for her mood. NO matter what I tell myself, I feel responsible for the way she feels. As if it was me. When logic tells me no matter what she is going to find fault, problems, etc. She was doing it with my uncle long before I moved in here. Now I am the source of her anger and misery. She cannot help herself.
She has the early stages of a form of dementia. She has difficult sleeping, moving around due to painful joints. Goes from her chair to her bed and back again. Won't go anywhere. Would rather complain and find fault.
It is really difficult not to take it personal. I leave the room she picks up where she left off. Yet when I question or repeat what she says she swears she did not say that. She is argumentative no matter what.
I do not know how much more I can take. I know it is not me, it is her state of mind and she cannot help it. So how do I change my reaction? I feel responsible, like I have to fix it or I will get into trouble with my uncles and dad.
It has brought me to recognize the problems and pain in my life. That if I do not actively heal now, stay in recovery, that will be me. I do not want to put anyone else through this. And I have my dad to look out for next. Oh, yeah.
Thank you for listening. :)
Bless you all.