Had a taste of my future this week. My husband and I are in for a rough ride.
Last Friday my mother-in-law ran a red light and totalled my in-laws handicapped accesible minivan. She HAD to get 3 bananas on the coldest day for the year. I went to the hospital. She has a broken sternum and was kept overnight to observation. That was the easy part.
All this past week my husband has gotten up an hour before his regular time to get his father up(his father can no longer walk)and gone down at night to put him to bed. The in-laws would not alter their schedule one iota to accomodate my poor husband. On Thursday night I attempted to get him into bed because my husband had a meeting that he had to go to. I simply could not do it. The man weighs 250 pounds and I have scoliosis, 3 herniated discs and tarlov cysts. My husband arrived just in time to keep his father from slipping to the floor. My left leg is still asleep from the pressure on my dics.
Saturday morning I went to the in-laws house to cook a meal for a visiting brother and sister-in-law to which I hadn't been invited.
Sunday I took my MIL to the hospital for some tests. Monday morning when I arrived to help with Dad (9:30a.m.). She said, "I have a Dr's appointment at 10:30 so we need to leave here at 10:20. I hadn't showered and looked a mess (I got up at 6:00 but did laundry and cleaning). I had to run home and get a quick shower, when if she would have just picked up the phone I could have been ready. Then we went to the grocery store.
Tuesday I worked at the only day of work I can get due to moving here to help with Dad (I am a dental hygienist).
Wednesday I ran more errands
Thursday night I asked, Do you want to go to the store tomorrow? MIL said, no, she would stay at home all day.
Friday. In the morning I looked on the internet for new van for in-laws because Dad wants help with that. I was out in afternoon trying to get my errands done when my cell phone rings. My husband calling, Dad wants someone to take Mom to clean out the minvan as it has been totalled. I stop what I am doing and take MIL.
Saturday. My husband comes back from getting Dad out of bed and says. Mom says if you are going to Walmart today she would like to go along. I said, I am not going to Walmart today. Spend a.m looking for more vans. Later in the afternoon my husband goes to Walmart for softener salt and takes his mother. She gets a bag of flour, a bag of sugar and 4 bags of softener salt. What was so imperative about that list of stuff? Why could she not have gotten the flour and sugar at Aldi's which is around the corner from us. Why did she have to go along?
Today, my husband spent the whole afternoon with his father helping him shop for a new van using my in-laws miserably slow dial-up connection. My stingy bitch of a MIL sends him home at 5:00 because they are going to eat their evening sandwich and fruit. She never even gives him a snack. In fact she never even offers us a glass of water whenever we are there. Tonight when my husband goes down to help get his Dad to bed they tell him that they will need him for at least another week.
These people have no sense of other people's time and not much gratitude. The first day it was, thanks for helping. But, now that only a week has gone by it is like they feel entitled.
Well, I am putting a stop to the daily errand business tomorrow. She usually goes out in the late am on Monday and if she calls here I am going to tell her that I can take her at 2:00 or on Wednesday at 10:00. Also, if the getting Dad up and putting him to bed continues for a third week I am going down there and telling them that they have to alter their getting up time. Don't tell me that you have to get up at the same time you have been for the last 40 years. They are moving their time ahead 15 minutes every 4 to 5 days until they are at 7:00 am. if they want long term help from my husband.
We are going to start as we mean to go on. My husband's mother has always ruled her little roost down to the exact minute of every meal, but she is not ruling my roost. just because we default to her. She is getting help on my terms, because I am not going to encourage their self-centered behavior by failing to be pro-active and assertive. I will just have to screw my courage to the sticking place.
By the way not one of my husband's 4 brothers and sister (all out of town) have asked us how we are handling this.
So, I guess this is mostly a post to encourage myself to protect my husband and myself. Here's hoping I stick to it.