Saying goodbye to Mom as she goes to assisted living and beginning brother's care.
My brother cared for my mom who has alzheimers. He could barely take care of himself as his health issues reached a peak. He had triple bypass last week. Being the nurse that i am I micromanaged his care and was able to get the docs I wanted and bonded with the nurses in the ICU ( I knew some of them) He is in rehab which fought like crazy to get hi in. The folks I know in rehab did appeals with Medical Assistance until they agree. That being said he will return to my home next week to recover. His care is going to be 10x more than I thought because it seems was not taking meds correctly etc. I have asked for a neuropsych eval to see what we are dealing with. He is very depressed. My mother enabled and covered for him all his life. As she declined so did he. She is not going home. My other brothers and I have decided it best to wait until he is stronger and his mind clearer until we discuss that with him. He needs to visit the Al and feel a part of this before we move mom.
For two weeks from morning til night I managed mom and brothers care. emails, phone call, internet searches etc..
So why am i writing. I have so busy that I have not felt the enormity of the situation.
I am exhausted , house neglected, no time to get groceries. Where are all these people who said "if you need anything" I do and I did and told them
I had a complete meltdown after work yesterday. Sat in the care and sobbed at the loss of the mother I had. I miss her friendship and every morning chats. I go to call her then remember everything is different. She will never go home and nothing will ever be the same. She asks to go home, we redirect her and then she is ok for a while. I feel like I have betrayed her when I know this is the best thing. I could not stop crying last night. Just got in bed and melted down. I am weary emotionally and physically. Is it normal for a 56 year old woman to need her mother so much.
She has been an amazing mother. raised 5 children with little money and we never felt neglected. She taught us independence and she was my cheerleader. She made me believe I could do anything I set my mind to. And I did. And I honr that relationship. She is /was my bestfriend and I am lying t her and betraying and putting her on a locked memory care unit.
My heart is shattering.
ok I know this is embarassingly long. You all are the only ones who may understand this feelings. How do I do this. I feel like everytime I see her I am saying good by to the part of her that I miss.
Need hugs my friends