Going on vacation with a huge knot in my stomach over my mom's health.

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Ugh, my nerves are shot after the past few months in which my mother was hospitalized for 2 UTIs. I'm leaving for 5 days vacation tomorrow and I know I'm going to have a knot in my stomach the whole time. She has 24/7 home caregivers, but her symptoms of the UTIs have been subtle and she looked a little off today. She is still on antibiotics after coming home from the hospital 10 days ago, so I'm hoping that staves off the next one for a while. I'm an only child and so it's all on me. I know she's in good hands with the caregivers, but I feel guilty and anxious about going away. UGH.


Xinabess, I know that knot feeling, I had the same thing when I went away for a couple of days years ago... I couldn't even enjoy myself as I was so worried about my very elderly parents, who still lived in their house. And they had refused caregivers !! Back then there was no cell service in the vacation area, so I had to use a pay phone to check my home answering machine every couple of hours, and call my parents twice during the day. Yep, only child, too.

It's just human nature to worry even if Mom is in good hands.
Oh, man. freqflyer, no cell service and no caregivers must have been awful. On the other hand, having a cell means never being able to relax on the dock, on a mountain, anywhere! I turn mine off at night so I can get some sleep, but then when I turn it back on in the morning, I'm scared that there will be emergency messages. Basically this is a no-win situation. I am trying to practice "radical acceptance," meaning accepting that what will be will be, but it's not easy.
Xina, it's taken me three solid years to get to this level of acceptance--and I have two brothers and mom's in a nh. My mother is going to die whether I'm there or not ( it feels horrible to say it, but it's true).

You NEED this break, or you are going to collapse, dear. Feeling for your angst.
Thanks, Barb. I just hope I can get some R&R when I'm 5 hours away. I'm going to my family (dad's side) house in the Adks that has been in my family since 1912. It is my happy place. Fingers crossed.

I really get that my mom's time is coming and that there is no way to predict exactly when it will happen. Objectively, I see that her QoL is so limited and every system in her body is hanging on by a thread. If only that understanding made it less terrifying to lose one's mother. Not fair!

I keep imagining that I find out she's back in the ER one or two days in to my vacay. Obviously, I would have to go home, right?
Well, I ended up having a wonderful vacation. My mom was in the hands of one of her most attentive caregivers, who sent me updates every day, along with a photo of my mom. I was able to relax, swim in the glorious lake, hike a mountain, canoe, eat well with friends and family. But now I'm back - boo hoo! Waited 40 minutes on a sweltering subway platform on my commute home.
Welcome back, Xina; glad it was good!

Xina, thanks for the update and reading that the vacation went quite well. How great that the caregivers send you updates every day along with a photo :)
Great, xina. Shows it can be done!

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