What is the funniest thing your aging parent has said to you lately?

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You just have to laugh sometimes.....


Some of my recent favourites are:


"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)


"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"


"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"

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Mom keeps saying to me she should have her head examined! (because she is suffering from daily headaches)..
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For the past 2 days, mom has been sleeping, waking only to sip some broth or water then falling right back to sleep. Just now, she opened her eyes and asked me how to tell if a shrimp you are going to cook is bad.
We live in Cajun country along the Gulf Coast and enjoy a lot of seafood so it seems a logical question.
In her earlier years, mom was an excellent cook. I wonder if that's what she's dreaming about... I hope she is making a big pot of gumbo.
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From my hoarding mother in law......what do you consider junk mail?
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I'm afraid of heights and have vertigo. Dad's favorite clock's battery died. So, I dragged the wooden bar stool to the wall, had to spend some minutes getting 'unscared' of the heights. If I looked up, vertigo. If I looked down, fear of heights. So, I had to stare straight and reach up with my right hand that was holding the wall - which took several tries since my hand refused to leave the wall. I finally got the clock off the nail, off the stool and put a new battery on.

Overconfidence was my downfall. I got back up on the stool, smoothly put the clock back on the nail. As I was getting off the stool, dad told me that it's crooked. I looked up real quickly to verify it. Yep. So, looking straight, I reached up to adjust the clock. I let go. And then I felt the clock hit my forehead and then smashed onto the floor.

I yelped, "My head!!" .. Dad saying over and over, "You broke the clock!"... Me with "My head!" ... Dad, "you broke the clock!"

I finally said, "Never mind the clock! It hit my head and it's hurting!"
Dad paused. Then said, "Your head!.... You broke the clock!... You broke the clock!" .... okay... Now I know where I stand in Dad's value system.
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My home is just under 2 miles from my parents' place. Before I moved back in with him, Dad would call me when he was shopping so I could be up there to haul his groceries in and put them away.(we ate lunch and dinner together several time a week and I did the cooking) I got the call and was at his house waiting for what seemed like an hour. I finally drove down to the store and found my dad in one of those powered carts, and a store employee transferring his goods to his car. I joined in and quickly finished loading his car. He kept telling me that they had it managed, go about my business, yada yada. He got in his car and headed for home and I was right behind him. As I brought his stuff in, he was sitting at the kitchen table describing some big guy, surely a criminal trying to steal his groceries, he wanted to check everything off against his receipt. I told him 3 times that it was me.... not some criminal, but he didn't believe me. I finally gave up and handed him the receipt so we could check every off as I put it away!
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My husband keeps thinking I am his Mum. The other evening he fancied a glass of wine, and when I said I would like one too, he told me I didn't drink! Then, he asked if I was going home. I said that I thought I would stay here. "So where are you going to sleep"? he asked. "Well, I usually sleep with you", I replied. He gave me a very old fashioned look and then said "Well, that hasn' t been for many years! There is a bed in the spare room!" So, not only was I banished to the spare room, I wasn't allowed a drink either!! It did make me laugh.
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Same exact thing happened to me except it was for a grilled cheese sandwich. We are not alone.
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When it happened, I didn't think it was funny at all. But in retrospect, I just shake my head. I fixed my Dads breakfast, we ate, and after washing the dishes, I went back to bed. I woke up to Dad yelling help! help! and rushed into the dining room. Dad was smiling when he told me, 2 pieces of toast with apricot jelly please! I quickly reached the boiling point, but now, just laugh about it.
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My cousin sent a picture of him and his boyfriend in a letter to grandma. Grandma said his boyfriend ugly. Then she forgot. Poor guy was called ugly about 6 times a day for a week.
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My father moved into assisted living last year. He is not known for his hygene. He was shocked when he found out that everyone there was expected to change their clothing EVERYDAY!
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