Frustrated with siblings and Mother's Day

I have two brothers. One retired and lives a half hour away,the other works and lives 8hrs away. The retired brother helped move Mom into her AL in August, haven't heard from him since. Was invited to Thanksgiving with Mom but had other plans. Brother 8hrs away came for TG but only saw Mom that day. I refuse to get mad. I love them and in some respects I make the decisions and no one objects. But, don't ask me for help in the future. I am the oldest at 68. I'm tired of being a caregiver. This is it for me. Only person I will care for after this is my husband. They both have kids of their own that can take care of them.

I have a brother...but, I am sure glad he won't be around, no one expects anything from him, in fact...the weekend is always more pleasant without him around.

I'll make Mom her favorite dinner, give her flowers and card, and try to get her outside to enjoy the weather.

You'd have thought it might have crossed her tiny mind that at least some of the people she was talking to might not be the centre of their children's universes, exactly.

My personal classic mother's day message was in the card from my SIL that essentially read "sorry we won't be seeing you on mother's day but it's Grandson's 30th birthday and we're having a big party for him (that you're not invited to)." Though credit where it's due, she had bothered to forge my brother's signature underneath her own. I read out an edited version, waved the picture at mother and put the card out of reach on the mantelpiece where it couldn't do any harm.

When I was at the nursing home today we happened to be in the lounge when the music therapy group was there (basically just a sing along). I thought it was very nice until the woman leading the group asked everyone what they were doing for mother's day. Seriously? I think it is wonderful if the residents have someone who will remember them, but for many there will be no visitors due to childlessness, distance, estrangement etc, to crank up expectations which may be unmet seems cruel to me and frankly something those working in long term care should be aware of and sensitive to.

Thank you all for the support. Normally I wouldn't have gotten so upset. Guess it's the new stress. It's been mom,me & my spouse for Mother's Day for the last 3 years at least. I just thought with the new diagnoses & knowing I've moved in, that this year might be different. So yea it's never going to be different. Also he text at 10pm to say he meant change not cancel, we are welcomed to join them. I don't feel welcomed & we aren't going. No drama I'll tell them mom had a rough night so sticking close to home.
Ms.Madge you made me laugh I'm sorry but to be asked on Mother's Day if you're bringing Mom! Everyone else you're right it's a made up holiday & moms day is everyday thank you. Hard to realize they won't change ever & some part of me thought it would be like in the movies. You know a happy ending everyone gathering together to support each other. This is also the last one I need to inform about getting a reverse mortgage & hiring caregivers. It was to be a kill 2 birds with 1 stone but oh well. Life continues and mom is in a good mood today so yay us!

Mother's Day.....okay, As a family, we traditionally meet for lunch, after church on on Mother's Day. The adult kids cook, everyone gathers, present gifts, take photos, talk, laugh, enjoy. It usually works out pretty well. It'll be a little different this year. (Long story)

I asked my mom if there was anything that she really wanted in particular this year. She said, "Honey, you just bought me those lovely flowers a couple of weeks ago, then you gave me a beautiful night gown last week to. Oh, and don't forget those books you gave me last month." I do for my mom year round. So, to me, Mother's Day is more about a nice card and spending time together.

If your siblings are avoiding that.....they have problems. If an adult child was not abused as a child, I don't understand refusing to make your mom feel special on Mother's Day, even if it is a contrived holiday.

Some of my mom's friends have been abandoned by their adult children. The adult kids are going out of town, making themselves unavailable. The mom's are left on their own to stay at home or go out to eat alone. We have invited a couple of them to attend OUR celebration.

If you live a great distance away, I can understand how a card or call might be all you can do. It's the thought that counts.

My mother asked me last week when Mothers Day was, so I told her. She loves to line up cards people send her (for any reason, be it thinking of you, get better soon, happy birthday, merry Christmas). So my three brothers will send cards and call. Well, one of them might just call. Maybe one of them will send flowers.

I was never into the go- out- to- eat activity on Mothers Day. Who wants to put up with crowds, screaming kids, etc.? I'd much rather have something from our grill. My sons come over. That's fine!

My mother told me on Christmas that she doesn't want to come to our house anymore. Fine. I'll be bringing her a card and either some grocery store flowers (not a pricey Mothers Day arrangement) or some homemade cookies.

After a while, my siblings didn't even get together for Mom's birthday let alone Mother's day. I always felt like I had to make it up to her by going all out, just so she knew someone remembered or cared. I could see the hurt in her eyes and it made me feel so sad.

Dear momshelp,

I hear you. Its always hard being the child that actually cares! And wants to do something nice. And try to make it a nice family day. I hate that feel you get afterwards of why did I bother? Why am I such a glutton for punishment? But please know the worlds needs us care bears.

If no one shows up so be it. Try to make it the best day you can for you and your mom. Whatever pleases you, it can just be a glass of wine and a piece of cheesecake for two. Its a day to celebrate your mother and your love for her.

My sister asked what we were doing for Mother's Day so I said I'll make a reservation for dinner - she then asked if I was bringing mom - huh? I said I wouldn't be going otherwise
Now I'm half inclined to cancel as it is if I can't get a caregiver to have lunch with mom at her facility for whatever they're doing - they called today and wanted a response - to what I don't know but I'm not spending 10 hours at the hoca so siblings can pretend they did something for her
I'm grouchy -time to go to bed

I agree with the others on here. If you love your Mom every day is Mother's Day. On the other hand, if the only time kids acknowledge their Mom is a made up occasion, they probably don't have much of a relationship with Mom, to begin with, and if they can't even be bothered to then, screw them. They're not worth you or your Mother's time.

Indeed, why did you bother? All of your sibs have calendars and see Hallmark ads, right? And they presumably know that they have a mother and know who she is. So ... let them do or not do as the choose.

Do something fun with Mom on Sunday. Restaurants tend to be crowded. Maybe a visit to a park on Sunday, and nice calm meal on Monday.

I always classify Mother's Day as a "lose-lose" holiday.

My mother HATED Mother's Day when I was growing up (her mother adored it).

We send cards. We don't gather. Artificial holiday invented by a greeting card company.

I'm sorry that you've got siblings who don't help.

Sorry, the New place he chose to take his wife. The original place would've worked.