Frustrated with siblings and Mother's Day

Started by

Nobody has indicated they'd come over. 1 says he's broke, but called to say he's willing to meet us somewhere for brunch if we pay. 1 left on a trip. 1 is working. Others not a peep so I invite Mom & myself to join him and family. They hem & ha, but finally pick a place. 6 hrs later, he texts that he has to cancel because his wife is a mother too and he wants her to enjoy her day. The place they're going is not very close, long wait in hot sun, no parking and he thinks it's too small for wheelchairs. BUT we're welcomed to join them. Aggghhhhhh she still has his birthday card from April, he visited her in the hospital once back in February. Aggghhhh why did I even bother?


Sorry, the New place he chose to take his wife. The original place would've worked.
I always classify Mother's Day as a "lose-lose" holiday.

My mother HATED Mother's Day when I was growing up (her mother adored it).

We send cards. We don't gather. Artificial holiday invented by a greeting card company.

I'm sorry that you've got siblings who don't help.
Indeed, why did you bother? All of your sibs have calendars and see Hallmark ads, right? And they presumably know that they have a mother and know who she is. So ... let them do or not do as the choose.

Do something fun with Mom on Sunday. Restaurants tend to be crowded. Maybe a visit to a park on Sunday, and nice calm meal on Monday.
I agree with the others on here. If you love your Mom every day is Mother's Day. On the other hand, if the only time kids acknowledge their Mom is a made up occasion, they probably don't have much of a relationship with Mom, to begin with, and if they can't even be bothered to then, screw them. They're not worth you or your Mother's time.
My sister asked what we were doing for Mother's Day so I said I'll make a reservation for dinner - she then asked if I was bringing mom - huh? I said I wouldn't be going otherwise
Now I'm half inclined to cancel as it is if I can't get a caregiver to have lunch with mom at her facility for whatever they're doing - they called today and wanted a response - to what I don't know but I'm not spending 10 hours at the hoca so siblings can pretend they did something for her
I'm grouchy -time to go to bed
Dear momshelp,

I hear you. Its always hard being the child that actually cares! And wants to do something nice. And try to make it a nice family day. I hate that feel you get afterwards of why did I bother? Why am I such a glutton for punishment? But please know the worlds needs us care bears.

If no one shows up so be it. Try to make it the best day you can for you and your mom. Whatever pleases you, it can just be a glass of wine and a piece of cheesecake for two. Its a day to celebrate your mother and your love for her.
After a while, my siblings didn't even get together for Mom's birthday let alone Mother's day. I always felt like I had to make it up to her by going all out, just so she knew someone remembered or cared. I could see the hurt in her eyes and it made me feel so sad.
My mother asked me last week when Mothers Day was, so I told her. She loves to line up cards people send her (for any reason, be it thinking of you, get better soon, happy birthday, merry Christmas). So my three brothers will send cards and call. Well, one of them might just call. Maybe one of them will send flowers.

I was never into the go- out- to- eat activity on Mothers Day. Who wants to put up with crowds, screaming kids, etc.? I'd much rather have something from our grill. My sons come over. That's fine!

My mother told me on Christmas that she doesn't want to come to our house anymore. Fine. I'll be bringing her a card and either some grocery store flowers (not a pricey Mothers Day arrangement) or some homemade cookies.
Mother's Day.....okay, As a family, we traditionally meet for lunch, after church on on Mother's Day. The adult kids cook, everyone gathers, present gifts, take photos, talk, laugh, enjoy. It usually works out pretty well. It'll be a little different this year. (Long story)

I asked my mom if there was anything that she really wanted in particular this year. She said, "Honey, you just bought me those lovely flowers a couple of weeks ago, then you gave me a beautiful night gown last week to. Oh, and don't forget those books you gave me last month." I do for my mom year round. So, to me, Mother's Day is more about a nice card and spending time together.

If your siblings are avoiding that.....they have problems. If an adult child was not abused as a child, I don't understand refusing to make your mom feel special on Mother's Day, even if it is a contrived holiday.

Some of my mom's friends have been abandoned by their adult children. The adult kids are going out of town, making themselves unavailable. The mom's are left on their own to stay at home or go out to eat alone. We have invited a couple of them to attend OUR celebration.

If you live a great distance away, I can understand how a card or call might be all you can do. It's the thought that counts.

Thank you all for the support. Normally I wouldn't have gotten so upset. Guess it's the new stress. It's been mom,me & my spouse for Mother's Day for the last 3 years at least. I just thought with the new diagnoses & knowing I've moved in, that this year might be different. So yea it's never going to be different. Also he text at 10pm to say he meant change not cancel, we are welcomed to join them. I don't feel welcomed & we aren't going. No drama I'll tell them mom had a rough night so sticking close to home.
Ms.Madge you made me laugh I'm sorry but to be asked on Mother's Day if you're bringing Mom! Everyone else you're right it's a made up holiday & moms day is everyday thank you. Hard to realize they won't change ever & some part of me thought it would be like in the movies. You know a happy ending everyone gathering together to support each other. This is also the last one I need to inform about getting a reverse mortgage & hiring caregivers. It was to be a kill 2 birds with 1 stone but oh well. Life continues and mom is in a good mood today so yay us!

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support