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I don't know how to really begin this discussion because I am sooo confused and frustrated with my mom. I am new to this so bare with me. I am 41 years old, married with 2 boys and help care for my 72 year mom. For as long as I can remember my mom has been a hypocondreact (spelling?) and always going to the doctor for something she can treat over the counter. And now when she is really sick she won't go to the doctors and tells us, "I gotta feel better to go". Really?

And this situation with her has literally been going on for the last 15 years and in the last 4 months has been the worst of it all. She has more health issues to arise since May when she went to the hospital in a diabetic coma and they told us it would be a miracle if she made it through the weekend. She made it and I thank god for that miracle but she is worst more then ever now.

My mom is diagnois with (in order)Conjestive heart failure, COPD, Bronchitis/pneumonia, Kidney disease, Coronary disease, high bloodpressure/hypotension, Diabeties, and Anemia. She also has gout!

She won't stay in the hospital long enough to have tests done cause she raises all kinds of hell at the hospital to the point she refuses treatment. And THEY LET HER OUT! I know they can't hold her against her will.

I never know what I am gonna get with her! Sometimes I get mean mom and sometimes I get nice mom. I thinks she also has undiagnoised Borderline Personality disorder!! She doesn't tell us all the doctors say or she lies about what the doctor says. I confronted her yesterday about that. She tells me,"Yes I do tell you all what the doctors say!" I told her I am not arguing with you and no YOU DO NOT! She is the same way with my dad, and my dad takes the blunt from her.

I am trying to be a good daughter and do the right thing but I can't when she fights it all the way! I am tired of the guilt trips she gives me and then tells me that it is her life and her business to stay out of it. I said okay, just remember you said it!

When she was in the hospital back in May, before the ambulance was called. I did everything moved her, helped her to the potty, cause my dad had hernia surgery in April and wasn't suppose to lift anything over 40lbs. We didn't know this was a diabietic coma she was in cause this is the state she is always in right before we call the ems. But anyway, when she starts coming out of things. She tells me I am the wicked witch and I just want to fill her shoes. All because I called the ems. Long story short, she checked herself out and the realizes she wasn't ready to come home so we moved heaven and earth to get her back in and then after about 4 days she is starting her crap about coming home. She doesn't get nothing straighten out.

So she has been back in the hospital twice since then. On July 20th she was there over night when she pulled that crap. Then nine days later she was right back in there, and that is when they labeled her COPD. She was in there for 5 days and started the crap again. They want to do a test on her to figure out what to do about her heart because that is what is trigoring all these additional health problems. She has been nothing but mean and hateful to both me and my dad. She is emotionally and verbally abusive. And does not want to listen to anyone. Not the doctors, not me, and not my dad.

I love my mom with all my heart but she is wearing on my nervous. I know I have been rambling on this post and I may not have told all the story correctly but hopefully you will get the jist of things. My dad pulled POA on her this last time so she couldn't check her self out this time. And I don't know why dad didn't tell them to do the test? There is so much more to the story to tell but don't know really where to start! 15 years is alot to tell about. I am just giving you a small issue of the big picture.

She is always telling me she doesn't want to be a burden on me and I always tell her you are not a burden and that I do things I do for out of love and the kindness of my heart. But this last time she told me she would not ask for my help. I said okay! So she calls me last night and hints around about having to make a doctor appointment. She thought I would just volunteer to take her like I have always done in the past. She pegged me wrong. I made her ASK ME!

Thanks for hearing me ramble on! If you got any questions or some type of advice it would be greatly appreciated. Cause I am tired and like I am at the end of my rope!

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I responded to this discussion back in 2014. And I had started my own discussion board back in August 2012, Frustrated with my mom! I am at the end of my rope! Caregiving is never easy and I did it for mom for many years with the help of my dad. After my posting on this discussion board in 2014, she went home from the hospital and continued to fall till it was to much for my dad and I to handle. Plus she was not taking her meds correctly. She was readmitted into the hospital January 7 of this year. She was then diagnosed with Dementia with Behavioral Disturbances. For months before that her legs have been swelling cause she was fighting a UTI, and the antibotics where not working with her but against her. Her health was on a repaid decline from here on out. For two months of being pushed around to different types of hospitals, she was put in a nursing home under Hospice. My mom passed away on February 21st, 2015. She has had numerous of health issues through out the last several years. She is no longer in pain or suffering. As I said before caregiving is not easy but no matter how hard it was on me, I did everything I could for my mom to the best of my capablitiy and I don't regret on singal moment of it or the time I was able to spend with her. Though we had to make some very tough desicions for the best care choices for her with many recommendations. I admire everyone one of you!!!
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Last time I posted anything was in 2012, has it really been that long ago. Feels like it was only yesterday. The last 4 weeks have been pure He** for me. I slipped back in the mode of running everytime my mom calls for help. Mom had a really doozie of a trip to the hospital last week. She wanted to go to the hospital! She has been on an oxygen concentrator since April 2013 and was only suppose to use it while she slept. But she didn't, she wanted to use it 24/7. We have all tried to explain to her that she will get hooked. She claims she doesn't remember it was only for sleep. Anyway. The trip to the hospital was due to her claim she couldn't she wasn't getting any oxygen and was in pain and she felt like she was gonna pass out. She wanted an ambulance to be called. Two hours after arriving in the ER she is wanting to go home. That was 7 day hospital stay, which she was not ready to come home. She was mean and ugly and verbally attacked my dad and I and even the nurses. She even called 911 and the police came out there. Needless to say she claims she doesn't remember any of this.

I am just so frustrated right now that I don't even know how to put any of this into words. They gave us 4 options on what to do about mom. (1) hospital stay for a month, (2) a rehab, (3) a nursing facitlity, or (4) take her home and have home healthcare come in. My dad on the ride up to the hospital to meet with the doctor my dad told me what he wanted to do if it was a choice. So I don't know why he needed me there. He chose the last option and I told him he should only bring her home if there was already something set in place as far as home health care. He didn't of course.

She has accused me of not wanting her home, of wanting to put her away, of stealing from her, and all kinds of threats. I don't want to see either of my parents in a home. Then when I went down there a couple of days after she got home to checkn on her. As soon as she saw me she started screaming like a 2 year old and was trying to hide under the covers. I told my dad, that was it I can't handle anymore of this.

Then she calls me a couple of days later, asking for my help. I asked her where is dad. She gives me a vague answer, so I go down there. Talked her out of what she was wanting to do. Then she asked me If I had talked to my sister, cause she has been calling her and my sister won't return her calls. My mom and my sister has not spokening in almost 3 years cause of some nasty things my mom has sad and a done to her. She still runs my sister down to her kids. I am like OH I SEE you can't get no one to your side of things. I did not tell her that. But she used to do that all of my life. When she was mad at one of us, she would call the other and talk bad about who ever she was mad at.

I could go on on and on about this situation. But I just needed to vent. I miss everyone here! I feel ashamed of myself for not keeping in touch.
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So sorry it being a while since I have posted anything. Mom is still mom. Mom has been losing her hair for years. But now she is now loosing her hair at an alarming rate. She thinks it is the insulin she is on but I don't think so. I looked up possible causes and found two of her meds she has been on for years that could cause hair lose and the insulin is not causeing hair lose but the uncontrollable blood sugar levels (the up and down, up and down) and it could be her thyroid. She still has more bad days then good.

I still trying to keep my distance from her but not totally alienate her. I have recently completed to projects. Redid my sons bedroom and redid the bathroom and still do the house work and cooking and run a business. And I have recently join a Gym to get my self in shape and away from the house for about an hour at least twice week. I am trying to let the stress just roll off my back. And I try not to let my mom guilt me because I don't see her as often but doesn't mean she doesn't try. Let it roll off my back. And doesn't mean I love her any less just means I have to love myself first.
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Kimbee, how's mom? I'm still doing ok - just wanted to check in. Karen
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Hi Kim; So glad that you are able to share your heart here - after I read a really good book regarding setting boundaries I tried a few other things as well. Now when one of my "charges" wants help/procedure/appointment whatever - I have them either write me a note or read & sign a note I write. Then when we get to Dr., lab etc - and they argue about me "dragging" them there or not wanting the test - I simply acknowledge their fear/concern & say - but this is what you asked me to do so I'll be right here, lets get through it & then we'll go home & discuss what the next steps might be. Hope it helps - you are not alone, just do the best you can & sleep well knowing you can love & you can help but you can't fix old age, unfortunately it is something most of us will have to go thru.
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LabRat: I do understand what ur saying about checking the sugar count. And she also feels bad when her blood pressure is low too. So she is has to check both of those things on a regular basis, Which she is suppose to be doing that anyway.

Carmen: I too hate to see my mom in this state to once be a strong person. And my mom too has ALWAYS been negative. When she is really down and sick she repeatedly ask why doesn't god just take her? Or why don't you just let me die? I know when she says that she is really suffering. It makes me feel sad when she says that but I do understand she is tired of suffering. It is like she is giving up on life. Like mom when she goes to the doctor she tells me he doesn't know what he is talking about. I just tell her most know something cause he went to school for this type of job. I hear Utah is a very beautiful place. Prayers and Hugs your way!

October: Thanks!

Caryn: No you are correct, we can not do this alone. I am sorry to hear about your mom. No you are right again, we can't force them do test or treatments and that is sad. We all have to take time for ourselves in this battle we face. If we don't we will loose sight of ourselves. Ur welcome. Hugs!
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I am new to this forum but not new to this frustration. So many great words have been said, standing your ground and speaking your truth are critical. My Mom has been crippled with rumitoid arthritis 30 yrs and manic depression for 40 yrs. the mental side has been the hardest. I have been involved in recovery groups for 20 yrs it is what keeps me from loosing it. We can not do this alone. In my experience I have found that durable power of atty and medical pow of atty and HIPPA release forms have limited powers unless she is declared imcompitant or incapacitated. I have all these for my Mom and the doctors talk to me, she doesn't drive so I take her to all her doctors, but I can't force her to do treatments if she does not want them. I have to remember these are her choices but I do not have to support her if I believe they are bad choices. I know in my community ther are caregiver support groups, some times it helps to get a physical hug. That being said this forum is great. I to was at the end of my rope with Mom last night so your note helped me get back on track myself. Thanks
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Like my mom, your mom is living inside her mind and believing her own thoughts. It seems we all do and that's the insanity of the human race.

Whenever you're feeling those feelings that are tearing you apart, try to come back to the present moment. Ask yourself "what's my problem right now?"

Then deal with the problem (if there is one) right now, and if not (probably more common) relax and know that being centered right now will stop your suffering.

My favorite thought.....If you are depressed you're living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are living in peace you are living in the present.
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KimC.... Funny, I think I have her twin as a mother. LOL My mother has CHF, COPD, Diabetes, neuropathy from the diabetes and the beginning of Dementia. She can be so sweet and then very irrate and think we are doing something against her: taking her money, being untruthful, etc. I love my mother with all my heart. She has always been the rock in our family that has kept us close. I hate to see my mom in this state. She asks God to take her home every day. She has always been negative but now is really bad. When she does ask us to take her to the doctors, she never does what they tell her to do. She thinks they are all deceitful people. When we go to the hospital for an emergency, she also won't let them do tests. What is the purpose of going to the ER or doctor's office if she isn't going to take their advice? Anyway, that is my mom. My mom lives with me and is at 4 months now. I live in Utah so the altitude is doing a number on her. She always asks why I brought her here to this awful place where she needs to wear o2 24/7. This is where my husband's job is. Utah is gorgeous. Our home overlooks the mountains. She is legally blind and can't even enjoy the mountains. I know God has a plan for all of us but sometimes you wonder why our parents have to go thru all the suffering. Their work on this Earth must not be finished. Keeping the faith that my mom will be at peace one day and that her suffering will cease. I love my mother so much and miss the person she used to be. Please take care of yourself because your mind and body can go downhill very quickly. Prayers and hugs...)
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Just one more thing, I'd like to add. Check to make sure her blood sugar is not too high. (or low for that matter) It causes a severe change in personality and an uncontrollable rage sometimes.
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Go girl! Working on your own projects?! Going over there less?! THAT'S PROGRESS!! Good for you!
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Okay Latest update. I know it has been almost a week since I posted. Lady came by from home health care and says mom doesn't need home health care because that is for those who can't get out or a way to and from places. She was really nice. But the lady caught mom on a really good day! Mom told the lady about how she has her meds set up and how she does things concerning her health. In my head I am saying yeah if she can remember to take her meds and she doesn't always check her diabetis like she should and mom has got u snowballed lady! Wish the lady had come by on a bad day for mom to really be able to see what she is like. And of course, my dad claims my mom didn't tell him about the appointment, which is possible she didn't but it is also possible my dad ignored her or didn't hear her.

I took her out Sunday just to get her out of the house and she didn't take her cell phone so I ended up looking all over for her. Found her sitting on a bench at the side of the store and not where we agreed to meet up at the front of the store. I was only getting a few items and she was gonna stay on one side of the store.

I am not going down there like I was. I just can't and besides that I doing projects around the house. I am trying to finish redoing my youngest son's bedroom and I am almost done with it. Once done with that I am gonna start on the spare bedroom.

With mom she is like a box of chocolate, you never now what your gonna get. But she makes me feel like a the almond joy commercial, Sometimes I fell like a nut sometimes I don't. She is goes through stages right now she is the calm before the storm.

I will keep everyone posted. Thanks again for the support!
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way to go, KimC - you stuck to your guns, but mum is not complying regarding her insulin/blood sugar. If you are going to insist that she complies in order for you to help her, I wouldn't let it go. Maybe she needs a chart, like little kids, with stars in it, to show her successes, ;)
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Okay. My dad calls me 45 minutes before appointment time to let me know he may not be able to make it. My dad stills works. Long story on that one. But anyway, he said he was trying. I am like WHAT EVER!!! So I told mom, you say one thing out of character or off colored or try to devert attention away from the problem at hand, I am walking out that doctors office and you can call a cab! Do I make myself CLEAR? She nodded. I told her to repeat what I said and she did. She agreed. Got the medicine issue cleared up with out any mishaps. I had angels on my shoulder today. I had asked about oxygen at home or breathing treatments. Doctor said medicare won't pay for oxygen at home unless she has to have around the clock. He calls her condition for oxygen is emergency oxygen. But he did give her breathing treatments. Then she insists we go to lunch. I am like okay so far so good. Waited for our food for 30 minutes but before that she kept saying they sure are slow not to be busy over and over. I leaned over the table I told her u need to learn to be patient and quit whining. I ain't never seen that woman shut up so fast. Maybe it was the way I said it. Shit, man I just had a brain fart! OMG she didn't check her sugar count before she ate or took insulin. Five steps backwards. UGGH!!

Mom tells me while we are eating the lady that called me yesterday got a hold of her and she is coming by tomorrow at 12 noon. I told mom don't tell me cause dad is gonna HAVE to be there!!! She asked me can't you just come down? Nope cause I don't live there and dad does!

Cattails, you are correct in understanding that POA is my dad, not me.
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Vstefans: My understanding is that named POA is husband, not Kim.
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I didn't see the last two threads when I posted. Jessie, thanks for the welcome. I remember one day I was gonna take my mom some where, but in the afternoon I had to be some place else. She already new I had other plans that afternoon, And we already discussed where I would be taking her. She gets in the car and goes over where I would be taking her but she added a few places that I didn't agree to take her. I told her no mom can't do those last few places u want to go. Then she starts giving me a guilt trip. Felt bad but I just told her she has me until such and such time and if we can get those done in that time then we will do them. I gave her a time limit. And I made it to the afternoon appointment on time. And Mom, like yours, seems to be sweet as pie and very nice when she is talking to others. But behind there back she talks crap about them. For years my mom cried wolf too. When this first all started happening, we didn't know if it was really or was she crying wolf again. I am starting to withdrawal emotionally but I am taking baby steps. I know all hell will break loose too if I suggest counseling. She will just tell me she doesn't have a problem and that I need to see one. Been there done that. I am sure I have gonna have to have counseling to help deal me with her crap. I am a strong person but even a strong person can become weak.

Jeanie, I also forgot to say she has to check her sugar count 2hours after she eats just to get a reading. And I have told her taking insulin and not eating is Very Dangerous! And we accummulated a Diabetic Specialist when she was in the hospital for the coma. I really like him. Because she was getting her diabetic issue treated at her General Practice doctor, whom I think is a quack. Been telling her that for years. But the quack is out of the picture now. And I really Like the team of doctors that has come on board during the coma visit to the hospital. She keeps threatening to fire them all. She claims they aren't doing anything for her, they are but she doesn't see it and it doesn't help she refuses tests that needs to be done. Contributions are always helpful!! Thanks.

I need to go get ready for the doctors appointment. Be back later. (((((((((((Hugs)))))))))
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Lisa, LOL LOL! How could forget DQ? I am sure we both could tell stories that could just about curl every thing we have!

Vstefans, it is a Durable POA and it covers every thing. Cattails advice was to have her be reviewed for Demenita and make sure it is charted. Dad will have to do that because I don't have that authority.
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More hugs to you, dear KimC!

Your mother's insulin routine is the same as mine. You are right that it is easy (if you are in your right mind -- it would be impossible for my demented husband or my confused mother). But it is not exactly pleasant and I can understand putting it off and procrastinating. BUT checking the blood sugar and giving the insulin are both tied to eating. "I'll do it later," doesn't make much sense unless you're going to eat "later." And insisting that she does it before you leave also doesn't make much sense unless she is going to be eating within about 15 minutes. The 15 to 20 minutes before eating means NO MORE THAN 15 to 20 minutes. It does not mean at least 15 minutes. I've been told that in a restaurant I should wait to do it until I see the waitress coming with my food. Taking insulin and not eating promptly is dangerous. (Saw the results of that when a member of group I was travelling with took her insulin in the hotel before we went out to dinner. Bad decision! Sorry for her, but I'm glad I got to see it ... sure reenforced the message about not taking insulin too soon before eating!)

Medicare covers visits to a Certified Diabetes Educator. I recommend this! Many clinics offer individual sessions and/or group sessions. You and/or your father should attend with Mother, to be sure you understand how best to deal with this demanding disease. For example, learn what/how a diabetic should handle insulin and eating when she is sick. You all should know this, so you can encourage Mother appropriately. That is my opinion, anyway.

Diabetes is just a small part of the overall picture here. I'll dwelling on it because I same experience in that area and it is (I hope) a contribution I can make.
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KimC, welcome! Your situation sounds so much like mine. Dealing with such a strong, self-centered personality is so difficult. Handling their affairs correctly can be like grabbing a raging bull by the horns and pulling him somewhere he is determined not to go. It is how it is with my mother, who has multiple physical and emotional problems overlying what seems to be a borderline personality. It is volatile. She cries wolf a lot with illnesses, so we know longer know what is real when it comes to her health. I carry her to doctor appointments for things that are not real. I know what she needs is a good geriatric psych consult, but when I mention seeing a neurologist or other type doctor, all hell breaks loose. People advise me to trick her, but these people don't know my mother. I take it a step at a time. Meanwhile, anyone listening to her would think I am the negligent daughter from hell. It is very difficult to stay in the situation, but know that I need to.

The only way I've been able to find to deal with it emotionally is to pull myself out of the whirlwind she creates. When people talk to my mother, she seems very sweet and meek. If they only knew what I go through. Something she does that makes things very hard is pulling the old switcheroo. She'll tell me that she wants to do something, then when we do, she'll say that she doesn't and that she never told me that she did. She has dementia that she turns on and off at times, so I'm not really sure how bad her dementia is, since I haven't found a way to get her in to be evaluated. Her PCP is not concerned about it.

I used to be concerned all the time. Then I knew I was killing myself, so I had to pull back emotionally and do what I can do. The problems that she has now have been lifelong, but have increased in intensity in the past 15 years. Pulling my emotions out of what is going on is the only way I've been able to handle it. The only other thing I could do is leave.
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Kim. I'm real glad to hear you have POA - make sure it covers health care and finances both. What I'm thinking as I read this is that mom is not making sense because she can't - sme kinds of dementia even though you recognize people you know, carry on conversations, and may even be partly oriented, judgement and reason are very impaired. Vascular dementia which she ha every risk factor for typically does this. You can try getting a geriatric assesment and at least getting her incapacity documented. It is sitll a frustrating mess, but she is probably not "hust" trying to be difficult, she is realy just not thinking straight and is demanding whatever makes sense to her at any given moment without reference to any consequences, as wel as being afraid and angry as she is losing what's left of her health and well-being. You are in the right place to receive advice and support from lots of us who have been there!
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Good luck! And you can't curl my toes girl. Remember DQ? Mine have been curled for 50 years! Heeheehee
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Thanks, Lisa! There are lot of stories I could tell about mom that would make your toes curl. Hahaha! Some stories are good but mostly bad. But I survived her treatment and so did my older sister. She is a half sister (never call her that because she is my sister even though we have different dads) and my mom doesn't speak to her any more and vica versa. And I have been keeping in touch with her and she is kept in the loop. But she has her own issues going on right now cause her husband just found out he has prostate cancer. And she lives 4 1/2 hours away.

Lisa, Beth sounds like a doll!!! Good for her!!!

Dad and I are going with Mom today to the doctor so we can straighten out her meds and ASK Questions! I will let you all know how it goes.
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KimC, love the long threads. My oldest daughter is deaf in one ear, 70% in other. Blind in one eye, far sighted in the other. I'm sorry your mom sat limitations on you growing up. We let Beth set her own limitations and she thrived. And good for you! Ask those drs to repeat theirselves 20 times if need be!
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Good Morning everyone!

I am gonna start off by answering Jeanne's question. Then I am gonna tell you all a little more about me so you all can understand where I am coming from when I say things I say.

Jeanne, She is suppose to take her blood sugar counts when she gets up and then take 16 units of Levemir insulin. She is also suppose to take her sugar count 15-20 minutes before she eats, depends on the reading on how many units of Novalog insulin she takes. Base line for the Novalog is 6 units. Reading over 200 she adds 2 units to the 6 units = 8 units. over 300 she adds 4 units = 10 units. over 400 she adds 6 units =12 units. She is suppose to do Novalog 3 to 4 times a day. It is really easy, well I say easy because I am not the one doing it all the time. She has the new type of Insulin out there that come in this tube called a pin, all she has do is put a new needle on it and measure out the units she needs, take it and through the needle out. I know it sounds simple but I am sure it is not to her.

Now, let me explain a little more about me. When I was born, I was premature and was considered a Reubella Baby. Doctors told my mom that I could be born severally handicapped or possibly missing a limb or two. But my mom had the courage to continue with the pregancy. Thank goodness because I would not be here to day. Mom control every aspect of my life since the day I was born. I couldn't do this or that cause she would say no. But let me back up a sec. They didn't see anything wrong with me at birth. Story told I wouldn't crawl like normal babies and I wouldn't sit up, doctors claimed it was failure to thrieve. Problem with that is mom was so over protective of me she wouldn't put me in a play pen but instead she would lay a blanket on the floor in what ever room she was in and lay me on it. Any way when I was in first grade is when my disablity was noticed. First they thought I had a speech problem but as it turns out it wasn't it was my hearing. Results from the hearing test was no hearing in one ear and 60% in the other. I always hate the hearing I had to wear in Elementary because kids where cruel. Mom wouldn't let me ride my bike around the block cause I could not hear the cars coming. I couldn't do this or that cause of my hearing. As I got older they came out with they call miracle ears and I got one. I recently had to get a new hearing aide and the is the BEST I have ever had. Others didn't live up to the expectation I hoped it would have. This new one is AWESOME!!!! I can hear things I never thought I would hear again. The older I get they said my hearing will get worse. DUH! My one good ear is at 40% now.

So I agree with you Ladee, to a degree, on the comment you made What He Can't Hear Doesn't Upset Him. Lord knows I have lied to my mom several times because I took my aide out when I went down there, just so I didn't have to hear her. I gave the excuse giving my ear a rest from the aide. But the problem lies with my dad is he doesn't always hear what the doctors are trying to tell us. I am not afraid to ask the doctors to repeat what they are saying and I explain to them my condition and they are always happy to oblige. And I have learned to read lips since I first learned I was hearing challenged. When I speak you would never know that I am hearing challenged.

I am married to a wonderful husband of 20 years and I have two boys, one is 20 and the other is 18. No they are not boys but young men and they will always be my babies no matter how old they are. :) 20 year is not living at home and has moved several states away. Sigh! But he had to do what felt like he needed to do. 18 year old is starting college in the Fall. We have our own business. So between running the business, dealing with mom, pay bills and trying to keep house (cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry) it is all so exhuasting.

I will have to stop writing long threads. LOL! But once I get on a roll I don't know when to stop sometimes. (((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
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Kim, If you were your dad, would YOU want to wear hearing aids... the man is smart, what he can't hear doesn't upset him....hugs.
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When is your mom supposed to check her blood sugars? Is she on insulin with each meal?
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Jeanne, yes she is only 72! Though sometimes she acts like a 2 year old and sometimes she acts like 92! Never know what your gonna get. Yes I know i could be dealing with her for awhile longer so that is why I am setting boundaries now. Better late then never.

As for my dad, he will be 73 this year. He doesn't hear so well and I have tried to have him go get his hearing tested but he refuses. But besides that and the hernia surgery, he is in good health. And yes he welcomes my involvement and doesn't make a decision about mom without consulting me first. And I do the same. But I think he is seeing now that he has to be firmer where mom is concerned. He doesn't know what the right thing to do is, so I guide him. He is good man but he has his faults too. He has a soft heart. He drinks but he is not violent. He will tell u how he really feels though when he drinks. There has been times when I get so mad at mom I tell him, "Dang, I now know why you drink!" My dad has never been uptight like my mom. He is fun to be around especially when he tells stories of his life. We never hear of stories from mom about her life except on very very rare occasions.

Now about mom be diligent about monitoring her blood sugar levels. She did really great when she first came home and was monitoring it like she is suppose to and then right before the breathing incident she slacked off. I had to get on her about it.
And of course she tells me she will in a little while because she doesn't feel good. I told that is when TO Check. I make her do it before I leave.

I forgot to explain what kind of test they want do that she is refusing. They are having problems keeping her heart rate stabilized and that aggravates the COPD. I am not sure what exactly the name for the test is but they go thru the groin with some electrodes and they want to see what is causing the heart rate to keep bouncing like a ping pong ball all over the place.

I will answer more to previous threads posted on here tomorrow. I am going to bed. So thanks again!! Sweet dreams!!
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Your mom is only 72? Oh my gosh ... you could have another quarter-century of dealing with her. It is definitely worth the hard work of estalbishing some firm boundaries now.

Tell us more about your dad. Does he have impairments? Does he welcome your involvement, or is that a sticky point, too?

Since May and the diabetic coma, has Mother been more diligent in monitoring her blood sugar levels?
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Awww dangit ladeeeeeee. Did you have to mention chocolate!?!?!?! ;))
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Welcome Kim, are you sure you aren't talking about my dad???? Only thing is, once he got to the hospital, he wanted to stay.... they finally told him it was time for a NH or AL because they did not run a boarding house for attention seekers... OH MY but he was pissed.... he had very few health problems, but a few undiganoised mental ones....
Most of the time I would leave when he would start getting stupid, but his particular time, he was in the ER, they were busy with REAL patients and didn't get to him as fast as he thought they should.... I think that time he was withdrawing from pain meds... anyway, he wanted to be straightened up in the bed, I was going thru the motions of leveling the bed, he was a big man, not easy to move, and he started bellowing like a wounded moose..... I got right up to his ear, and said... SHUT UP!!! JUST SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE!!!!! It shocked him so bad he actually shut up... the nurse has stuck her head in, I gave her a thumbs up, she smiled and left....
I got to where I rarely went anymore because it was 'little boy crying wolf', he finally went to AL, didn't play his step and fetch it games then either... the family is still trying to say I didn't do my part... Yes I did, I just did it different than them...
NO VERBAL ABUSE accepted.... you are getting off on the right foot... you are not alone.... so keep coming back, letting us know how things are for you... we are here for you.... hang tight to your butt.... it may not get better right away, but it will get different.... you are an awesome daughter for putting up with it as long as you have... so remind yourself often of Lisa's story.... she is a pure inspiration for all of us.... so sending you hugs, angels and chocolate... we can use all of the above.....
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