I am taking care of someone and feeling frustrated. I am not happy with myself.

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Yeah. I know. Especially when I can't help fantasizing about deactivating my father-in-law's pacemaker. By the way, if you know how to do that, please do not tell me.
Caregiving is a very difficult job. So often our best efforts don't produce the results we wanted. Often we don't know what to do or how to do it for the person we love. Sometimes we get irritable and snap at our loved one and then regret it and feel guilty. There are tons of opportunities to feel frustrated and to be unhappy with ourselves.

Get a good night's rest, and start over in the morning. Do your best. Get help when you need it.

A caregivers' support group can be a great source of support and encouragement.
Care giving is not an easy task. You try your best and never feel frustrated.

You need to go to another room, or outdoors and focus on anything but the problem that is frustrating you. Do not go back until you've calmed down. I have done that and it helps. Sometimes I blow it first. It's ok to be frustrated, it's just how you handle it that counts. Someone once told me, "this too shall pass away". Things do get better, and the problem won't last long. Hang in there!
Actually, with dementia is doesn't get better. And it will pass away when my husband does. I don't forward to that. I imagine it is similar with other chronic conditions.

I am not trying to be negative here. Just realistic. It is not comforting to here, "there, there, things will get better," when the reality is that things will get worse. What can get better is our coping skills, our self-acceptance, and our reslience. The specific incidents that cause us frustration may be over quickly. But they also may recurr over and over. Getting away into another room or outdoors is good, practical advice. When we are calmer we can generally handle things better. But the things themselves might not get better, and that, I think, is at the heart of our frustrations.
I agree with the above. I have been caring for my disabled husband for over 30 years now and it is tiring, wearying and all of the above. I find strength by getting help and support. I find strength in faith. I also find strength in respite. There is a cabin I go to for 48 hours. No phones. (Although I can be reached in an emergency.) No computer. No TV. Just nature, a rocking chair, a comfortable bed and trails to meander. I usually sleep for the first 24 hours and cry for several more hours until I am all cried out. Somehow it helps. I only can get away twice a year, but it is better than nothing. Short breaks include going swimming twice a week and to a movie. For me it is being somewhere that no one can interrupt or demand anything from me at all. A mix of being alone and silent and being with good friends who love me and understand without being pitying. The grief doesn't go away. It is just something you have to get strength to get through. I pray you find the strength you need.
Oh & I forgot to say, be gentle with yourself. You are human. Many people will try to see you as a saint which can be a burden in itself. I repeat, you are entitled to be human, and humans get tired!
When I feel I can't handle the present situation of caregiving another minute, I hop on my bike and take a 15 minute ride around the neighborhood, looking at flowers, letting the wind blow through my hair, and looking at nature. I pray a lot while I ride and ask the Lord to give me strength. I sometimes do this 3 times a day. It is my solace. I am very often frustrated and feel "trapped" with this responsibility; ready to get on with my life yet everything is on "hold". Try to take one day at a time and draw strength from God.
I agree with this advice but be would like to highlight respite care. There are sometimes groups in your community that provide free respite care but even if you have to pay for it, it can save your sanity. Especially if you set it up on a regularly scheduled time. Just knowing those couple of days are coming up can provide you with the extra strength you need to go on. Caring for a loved one with dementia is especially challenging as they are, yet are not the person you have loved and supported all these years. If you are not in a position to be in hospice, assisted living communities often can take in your loved one for a respite program or there are home care companies who specialize in care for, dementia patients. Take care of yourself and please feel free to contact me if you need to problem solve one on one.
Part of our guilt comes from feeling that somehow we are 'not doing enough' no matter how much we do. We almost feel like we ought to sacrifice ourselves willingly or we compare ourselves to people who have much worse positions (in our eyes) to put up with. It sometimes helps me to remind myself that my parents did not do even a fraction of what I do for their own parents and yet they expect more and more from me, but I know that their seeming 'selfishness' is because they are now unable to connect with my world and don't see the difficulties I have. Once I have rationalised things like this it does help a bit and makes me realise that I am not the bad person that I think I am just because I don't really want to be in the position I am.

Try not to judge yourself. Good luck.

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