Very frustrated....what to do about my Mother-in-Law.
My mother in law is 89yrs of age and still living on her own in her home. She has become very depressed, frustrated with herself as her body is giving out but her mind is still good although her memory is starting to decrease. My husband and I have been going over and helping her by cleaning, making some meals and being there for her when she wants to shower. My husband has siblings but both have given up trying to help due to his mom's manipulation. We have looked into options for her such as Assisted Living, having Home Support people come in but she just can't seem to make a decision. She keeps turning down the ideas (she has visited the assisted living units & had a home care aid come in for support). She just keeps saying over and over again that she just doesn't know what to do yet the options are there for her. I can understand the feelings as it is the next chapter in her life but my husband and I have become very frustrated as she wants us to do everything for her. Last week while i was assisted with her shower she said "I just don't know what to do" and i calmly said "yes you do but you are choosing not to do anything about it". If we suggest what to do she just ignores it. One factor in this situation is my mother in law can be very manipulative so we have set some boundaries up but she is good at knowing what our guilt buttons are. So the big question is: how do we step back knowing that she can't care for herself, she won't eat properly while she chooses to do nothing. I feel so frustrated!!!!!! This is only a bit of what is going on. Family dynamics are awful with her kids.