When your friends and family don't understand!!!

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When your friends and family don't understand!!!

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M MyThreeSons Aug 2012 · Answer 1 · 2012-08-14T11:15:25.000-0400

Family is quick to discount the choices we make and to criticize what they themselves couldn't accomplish in a quality manner. They are good at claiming credit for all they do, even if the involvement is minimal.

Talk is cheap. The hunger for power and control is suffocating to those of us doing all we can to make a better end-of-live quality for our family member. Their willingness to help has to be "convenient" for them, and the fantasy would soon lose its luster when reality sets in. Some are so good at delegating to others, they just want to acquire power over others, and take the glory of "accomplishment" for themselves.

Those who are most easily bored are the first to demand, and the first to take what suits their needs, much like a temperamental toddler lacking self-control, but not short on lung power to solicit sympathy.

This forum gives us a chance to share our experiences, frustrations, and successes, if not face-to-face support.

1 195Austin Aug 2012 · Answer 2 · 2012-08-14T10:56:15.000-0400

Try not to harbor resentment to those who do not help you it will only make you a bitter person-if you can just put those people out of your mind for now.

A arniethek1 Aug 2012 · Answer 3 · 2012-08-14T10:00:08.000-0400

As the sole family caregiver for 93-year old mother who is afflicted with Alzheimer's disease, I have been abandoned by family and friends. No one calls, visits, or offers to help in any way. This angers and disappoints me.If, on the rare occasion someone does inquire, it is only to find out how mom is doing. No one ever asks how I'm doing. Caregivers as a group are taken for granted are largely invisible. No one other than another caregiver understands or appreciates the burdens of caring for a beloved family member with Alzheimer's. I won' forget those who abandoned me.I will probably harbor my resentments for the rest of my life.

L littletonway Aug 2012 · Answer 4 · 2012-08-14T09:29:25.000-0400

It is all a arosy picture to family..."gee you get to sit home and watch TV all day"...1) I am not a TV watcher, 2) I am chief cook, laundress, lifter and diaper changer. Yes, I am blessed with a maid every week and a few hours of relief a week to run errands; however, I am constantly watching the time to get home. 24/7 means 24/7 no matter what relief you have. Caregiving and its responsbility never goes away.

C Caregiver1963 Aug 2012 · Answer 5 · 2012-08-14T08:14:05.000-0400

well nobody can understand until they walk a mile in our shoes....it's sad to think but really in this day and age most people think of themselves and lack the empathy...I've changed in that if those, including my sibling, ever find themselves in a tough place I will not be there to bail them out

B burnedncaringst Aug 2012 · Answer 6 · 2012-08-12T13:32:45.000-0400

Been there and done that except in my case, I am raising 2 children besides taking care of my husband. It has gotten to the point that I do not expect but I suggest you call ur council on aging to see if they can provide a respite caregiver for a month or 2 so that you can get that breath of fresh air. I Imagine the stress your going thru is real bad. I suggest you look into respite caregiving or an adult daycare center so you can relax long enough to plan your next step. I give you courage for realizing that other ppl will never understand what we sacrifice and the burden it is to look after the very ones we love when no else will. What about siblings or family members...still the same then do not give up stick your foot in their asses or whatever you have to do get a chance to be you. One check on council of aging in your state and start looking for a respite caregiver and two look for an adult daycare center where there are professional ppl who can relate and also help your mom socialize. NO matter what happens be glad that you did this because were only given what we can handle but it can be overwhelming. Once you have ur information establish take care of yourself first before the next step. I will be praying for you.

When your friends and family don't understand!!!

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