Fox News and Facebook are destroying my hubby's life!

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That's a broad statement--but I don't know how to phrase it better!
Hubby is 66, still working FT (he LOVES his job!) and travels quite a bit. He has developed this 'habit' as he travels--he walks in the hotel, turns the TV to FoxNews and it's on the entire time he's in the room, sleeping or awake. He also has a continual feed of FB on his phone, so it's blowing up all day and night while he spars with "the left wing". Then when he's home, he continues this way of living. He treats our home like a hotel! The TV is on within seconds of him arriving home and even if I can coax him to the kitchen to eat dinner (he prefers to eat all his meals in bed)--his phone it right at the hand and he will barely talk to me as he watches the FB feed roll by.

He does work hard. He also relaxes hard. He will sleep for 3 days straight (I know this sounds impossible, but he does) so, a trip of a week is followed by 3 days of "downtime" in which he is asleep, with the TV blaring (he's about 75% deaf) and if I dare to turn the sound down, he wakes up and says "I am watching that!!".

B/C he will not turn the TV off, I cannot sleep in the bedroom with him, so I moved downstairs to the spareroom. He watches TV so loud, I have more than once texted him (at say, 2:30 am) "please turn the sound down".

He will not talk to me, he thinks I am dumb for not "keeping up" with the news--but I do, just not 24 hours a day! I check my FB once a day or so, but he has become so belligerent in his posts--our whole family has unfriended him.

The combination of the deafness, the LOUD TV viewing and the eating in bed and just never knowing if he's going to get up and engage with the family, or talk to me or want to spend time with me--I feel very abandoned and alone.

We NEED to move to a more "senior friendly" home. He has fought me on this tooth and nail. We have a split entry home, I run up and down stairs all day long. One car garage, which houses HIS car. I have to schlep groceries, etc across the driveway and up 7 steps into the house. Laundry is downstairs. 16 very steep stairs to the attic, 7 stars down off the porch--but since he NEVER goes downstairs or in the backyard, he doesn't see the problem. He walks in the house and goes to bed. Period.

I guess I could live with this sleeping dynamic, he's done it since he had a liver transplant, and I'm used to it. But the TV is SO depressing and angry, he's absorbed all that anger. FB is just a place for him to spout his super right wing views.

We did our trust planning yesterday with the attorney. Attorney asked if we were making any major changes in the next couple of years and I said "We plan to move" to which DH quickly said "No, we're not going anywhere". I looked a fool. Later asked him what he meant by that and he said "Oh, I was just teasing". (Any time he hurts my feelings, he always says he's just teasing).

I'm feeling so very at a loss with him. I don't *work* anymore, but I DO take complete care of our house, cars, money, meals, budgeting, family things etc. Basically, all he needs to do is go to work, I ask zero of him here at home.

Yes, he has depression and is on 4 meds to help with that. He quit going to therapy b/c he said he was "cured". He refuses to acknowledge the hearing loss, which is worsening and he misses so much.

I cannot make him change, I open my mouth and he is immediately in "shut her down" mode.

Retirement looms. I ask what he plans to do and all he says is he just wants to sleep. I believe it.

I have posted about parts of this "whole" before--but we're at a crucial point here. I want to move--he's never loved this house, so I do not get that. I am seriously looking at buying a duplex, he lives in one side and he lives in the other. It sounds crazy, but I'm beginning to think that's what I might just do.

I AM making an apt with an ENT and an audiologist. He has to go---I will not stand by and let him lose what hearing he has left. If it's MY voice he doesn't want to hear, the I'll deal with that.

Just a rant/vent. I am so beyond frustrated with him.


I will share this shameful incident with you. I'm sure it will make you feel better.

My then husband loved a radio station called LBC. Talk radio plus phone ins plus ads, 24/7. He kept it on in the bedroom. We were in a little house with three young children and no spare room.

The grumblings and disputes grew over time - you know how it goes. Then I blew up one morning after another disturbed night, saw red, grabbed the clock radio and threw it in a rage against the wall.

Infuriatingly, the F***ING thing failed to break.

Can I draw a veil at this point?

Don't suppose he'll consider headphones, no?
I do feel better because I threw his phone across the room one night. Darn thing didn't break, but you'd have thought I'd thrown a puppy!

I forgot to mention he also pops on his Bluetooth noise cancelling headphones on also. Wears them all day. Kids call them mom-cancelling headphones.
Is divorce out of the question? Good grief...Sounds awful..I rather say something nice and supportive but I’m stumped. I read your posts all the time. You’re a good one M Kid. Good luck with this guy.
My hubs is also a fox news addict. This man never voted ever.. until trump! My mom is a cnn junkie.. I swear I live in a battlefield somedays! My way of dealing is... if mom has cnn on .. I wont go sit with her in the rec room.. she changes the channel fast because she wants company. I put on the local news in the am to catch the local stuff and the weather... hubs changes it to fox when he gets up. When he is not paying attention or leaves the room I change the channel to discovery or destination America.. Anything!!! However, as both of them want my attention and company this works well. Sounds like it may not at your house. I also have told my hubs we are moving out of housezilla when mom passes ( live in a brady bunch style house)..and he refuses. Recently told him,, then I will move.... lol We'll see what happens..
Divorce is not an option--for many reasons. I've offered, if he is so miserable, to leave him and let him be, but he insists he loves me and wants to be married to me.

I got him an appt at the audiologist's. If he opts not to go, then it will tell me a lot. That he doesn't respect the marriage, me or my desires for a real life with him.( It took 14+ years to get him to see a psychiatrist! ) His hearing loss is about HIM not me. I can yell, all day if I have to, but he is missing so much of life. AND he looks plain stupid when people are talking to him and he doesn't respond at all. Blank look. People have actually asked me if he has early onset dementia!!

The house thing--I am making this move mostly for HIM-he gets a jetted tub, a man cave, a den with the biggest dang TV you can buy and it will be soundproof!! If he plans to sleep until he dies, then I can't stop him.

He's not a monster, he just simply is so out of it, due to the hearing loss and lack of interest in actual life that he misses everything. And as far as TV goes, he is OBSESSED with Fox News and I break out in a cold sweat when I hear the voices of the commentators. I have an anxiety problem and FN just adds to it. I actually don't watch TV at all--just a few favorite shows I watch on my Kindle. Most TV is just garbage!
In the "new house" there will be one huge TV in his soundproof den and one in the Family Room for times when the whole family is together and wants to watch something.
I think retirement with this guy is going to be hard. Maybe if he could hear me, both physically and emotionally, things would be better. I really don't know.
MidKid, no wonder you are very frustrated!

What kind of job does H have, that he doesn't need to have good hearing?
I understand your frustration. I believe there is no truthful ‘news’ on any channel on TV. It’s all lies and manipulation of the populace. My husband agreed and we had our satellite dish turned off. I missed the ‘idiot box’ for a few days and now, MY ANXIETY is much much improved. The news media attempts to brainwash us and keep us on edge (we’re easier to control on Election Day)!

My father is completely addicted to FOX news but he will watch nature shows, history channel, things of that nature. He’s deaf as a stone and even though he has hearing aids. They help some but he can’t communicate on the phone or if a person speaks English as a second language. He likes it in that quiet world. But I’m expected to be the translator and secretary. I know there are worse jobs but it’s tedious because people get offended as my dad gets angry when no one can communicate!

Get your DH a set of headphones 🎧. They connect to the TV and it can be muted all day. YOU won’t have to listen to it. Your husband is not in good health because of the liver transplant, the anti rejection drugs have side effects. That’s why he sleeps three days after being on the road for work. That can’t be helped but he CAN take an antidepressant. That TV can be disconnected and I recommend getting Netflix. Or another live streaming channel. Forget the NEWS, it’s lies and propaganda and that includes from CNN to FOX!!!!
His ups and downs almost sound bipolar to me.
Except for the working part, my husband is the same way. He had a stroke in 2003, and although it was not a very severe one, he basically gave up. In the ensuing years since, he’s had many health problems, most of which required therapy. He cooperated (mostly) during the many sessions he’s had, but as soon as therapy time was over, that was it. I’m sure every therapist he ever had would tell you he participated during sessions but they could tell he did no work on himself afterward. They knew. At this point, his mobility has deteriorated to the point that he is bedridden and I blame him. I do everything for him but feed him. For at least 15 hours a day, he does nothing but watch reruns on television. The same shows, the same episodes, over and over and over. I handle absolutely everything else. Considering that for our 43 years of marriage, I have been treated by his family and him like he did me a favor by marrying me, you can bet I’m resentful. Money is nonexistent. I am on my way later on today to try to sell my mother’s silver and her wedding rings just to pay our bills. I feel like I’m going to a funeral.

My only advice is to get your own life. You’ve made it clear to your husband that you’re unhappy and he’s not changed. Even if the audiologist prescribed hearing aids, you can’t kneel on his chest and force them into his ears. Live in the house as if you were divorced. I’m not going to tell you to hurry out and get a job, join clubs or volunteer because at our age, and being as unhappy as we are, being little Susie Sunshine to a new group of people isn’t doable, but if there is something you enjoy doing, devote as much time to it as you can. Keep up your “duties” but get hubby out from under the microscope. If this is how he wants to waste his remaining years, let him. If depression or bipolar issues are his problem, he won’t own up to it and will “tease” you again in front of someone. I’ve been married and “on my own” for a dozen years. I go to functions and holiday celebrations alone, a widow with a living husband. I know this is not how you thought your life would turn out. Me either. Peace to both of us.
Faux News and Facebook 24/7, yikes. They are two of the greatest time sucks ever. I feel for you, MKid.

My mom got my dad “tv ears,” a type of heaphones. If your husband wouldn’t try those, I hate to resort to sneakiness, but maybe forget to pay the cable bill, pick up his phone and “accidently” delete the FB app.

I bet being without both will help his anxiety.

I haven’t watched the news since the late 90s. (It wasn’t intentional, just forgot to pack the tv when I moved to NY. Then I was in NY, so many things to do, who has time to watch tv?) I have a tv now but I only Netflix on it. I can still keep informed with Google News. I do have FB but only view it once a week. (I started out 24/7, weaned myself to FB-free weekends, then went from there.) It’s addicitive but having a life (and you deserve a good one!) is so much better than living online.

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