Do we have to forgive and quietly endure everything they dish out simply because they're old? Who made that rule?
My mother was a mean spirited, controlling, spiteful woman all her life. When she hit 70 (she's 82 now), she got it in her head that now that she was old, she could take off the gloves & behave anyway she liked. If someone didn't like it....she would just say she was an old woman. That is supposed to make everyone over look anything she does or says. It's her "get out of jail free" card. She should automatically be forgiven because she's old. God knows I've tried to forgive & overlook her behavior because I'm the only person on this earth who will care for her. She has perfected the art of putting on that "sweet innocent old woman" mask for her doctor, the nurses, her brother & sister...but once she gets in private...the mask comes off & she is once again nasty. No one believes me when I tell them what she's really like. She's getting careless lately about letting that mask slip. Still no one wants to help me. Most people now simply avoid her. Yet, they still want to criticize me, give me advice...but no help. She has no idea how close she is to be thrown into a nursing home. Why must I endure this? She sits all day & complains about her life. She names off the people that she feels has disappointed her or abused her (my name is always in the former category) & she wails about why God has punished her by allowing her to live this long & to be stuck in a family full of losers. No matter what I do for her, she tells her brother & sister on their daily phone calls how I never do anything for her. She will be eating her lunch when she calls them & I will hear her tell them how I haven't fed her in 2 days. She went to the doctor 3 weeks ago, yet I heard her tell her sister that she hasn't been to the doctor in over 2 years because I am too lazy & mean to take her. I have shipped her off to another state to spend the winter with my son & nephew. They called me last night from their car. She had them to the point of nervous breakdowns with her constant criticisms, negative comments, telling them they were losers & would never amount to anything & saying how their parents were too. They stayed in their car in subzero temperatures for nearly 5 hours until they saw her bedroom light go off because they were afraid of what they might say or do if they stayed in there with her. These two boys were the only people she ever appeared to like & now she's burned that bridge too. Looks like that experiment failed & I will have her back next week. This is pure hell. And before anyone says, "she might be sick", I have had her checked from head to toe. I have spoken privately with her doctor. His response? There is no magic pill on the market that can turn a mean person into a loving person. She is what she is....and I am stuck with her. Am I the only person with this problem?? I honestly feel as if I am. I see people my age with their parents in stores, at the doctor, out & about. They smile & share laughter. There appears to be such a loving relationship....then I come home to this....it's more than I can bear.