My first Mother's Day without my mom.

ok, I pressed submit too soon. I don't know how to feel today. My 83 year old mom lives with me. She has Alzheimer's. And she doesn't know I'm her daughter. I feel like I'm mourning my mom even though she's still here. Does that make sense? When I tell her I am her daughter, she looks at me and says, no you are not, if you were I would know. I mean I feel the knife twisting in my heart. This disease is so powerful and cruel that it can take away that most special gift of being a mom. Believe me, I know I exist, I exist somewhere in her memory, in that vault that is locked away. I know I am there. Young and happy and care free, just like she remembers me. Forever young in her eyes. But it hurts terribly that she sees me like no special person. I hate this! I hate you Alzheimer's!

I hate you Alzheimer's! I hate you dementia!

Yes, this is a terrible, terrible disease.

Mourning the very real losses we experience as our loved ones decline with dementia is common and even healthy. If you like to read, I recommend "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia," by Pauline Boss. She has good encouraging things to say on this topic of having loved ones who are both there and not there at the same time.

It certainly hurts.

Can you become a new friend, someone who is not her daughter but is familiar and loved? Repeating that you are her daugher will only upset her. Being her present-day friend can feel good to both of you.

I'm not looking forward to the day when my husband doesn't recognize me.

Sorry, I can't imagine, and yet it's very possible I will be in your shoes one day. (((Hugs)))

Thank you! It was a hard day yesterday. I will look up that book. And my mom thinks I'm her cousin. So I guess I just need to accept that. It's so weird, I still call her mom and she responds. She knows my name but not the relation.

before my aunt passed away she lost recollection of my name . " oh , that guy with the beard " . she coulda called me joe stalin and it wouldnt have mattered to me . we made each other smile , thats what mattered .