Nursing homes....I can't find ONE GOOD ONE!!

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Mom is now in the 5th yes.....5th nursing home in 6 years. ALL of them neglected her and THIS ONE IS TOO. SHe's been there since this past March. I got there at 7 pm and she reeked of urine so, I took her to her room to work on her feet as usual and her SOCKS and LEATHER shoes were SOAKING WET....they were DRENCHED in urine..her LEGS, HER PANTS...all SOAKING wet. I could WRING the urine out of them. Her pamper weighed FIVE POUNDS it was SO FULL OF URINE. I"M LIVID. and SICK AND TIRED OF THIS. I looked all over the NH for an aide or nurse or SOMEBODY...anybody????? Finally found a med aid and told her what shape mom was in when I arrived. I spent 50 minutes in the bathroom with her trying to get the soaking wet clothes OFF and of course she started DIGGING POOP out of her butt again and I had to tell her..we don't DIG, we GRUNT it out. OMG...after one entire roll of toilet paper and about 30 wet wipes, I finally got her POOP out and her cleaned up...BUT her bed was, I took the sheets off so SOMEBODY may just happen by and NOTICE something. SHe had NO paper towels, no wash clothes, only one pair of pants in her closet (I took her their with 15 pairs), ONE pair of socks.....took her their with 25 pairs..DOES IT EVER END????? I'm LIVID!!!!!!!! Now, she has NO SHOES to wear because her last good leather pair I bought her is RUINED with soaked urine from days of it. I'm going to have to move her back in with me....I JUST KNOW IT. And, I have PTSD and Panic Disorder..she argues with me and won't listen when I tell her NOT to turn stove on or NOT to open front door when it's 15 degrees out...HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't stand the thought of leaving her there but I know she drives me nutts when she lives with me. Siblings don't care at all. They are NO HELP.


Somehow I don't think that bringing her to your home is the right solution. That would be trading one awful problem for another awful problem.

Have you contacted the Ombudsman about your complaints?
When she lives with me as she has SO many times, she is dry, happy, dancing around and eats well, is on a schedule, NO problems at all with her body. I can't tell you the problems I've had with this NH just since I moved her in this past March because she started hitting me again. I should have just went to her doc and asked for a med that would help her NOT to hit. The NH did JUST THAT and never told me about it. They also took her to ER and I never even KNEW it until 2 months later when I got the bill. I can go on and on. They are negligent and I'm SICK of it. Ombudsman does nothing. I've tried that route before too. AS I said, this is the FIFTH NH I've tried in 6 years. I see no other way that she will be cared for unless it's moving her back in with me. She was on hospice when I first moved her in with me the last time..last Dec. and with my caregiving, she got so much better that they took her OFF of hospice. She doesn't even KNOW when she is wet let alone soaking wet after peeing all day in her goes down her legs and onto her socks and shoes. She had to have been like that all day for that much pee to ruin her leather shoes I bought for her and as I said, I WRANG the urine out of both socks.
teachergear1, what state do you live in? I know that there are some bad NHs out there, but five in a row? Wow! And the obbudsman does nothing? How terrible. What a discouraging report.
YES...very discouraging. I live in Kansas but Missouri was no better. I had her in one there as well. MO...just about 30 min. to the MO border from KS where I live. I brought mom home with me yesterday morning with the intent that I might as well move her BACK IN with me again. But she is SO HARD to take care of and argues and fights with me, hits me, etc. because I won't let her drag knives out of the drawer and turn the stove burners on. She's in the last stage and like a 2 year old..can't take my eyes off of her for a min. But since I have PTSD and Panic Disorder and am going through a med change myself right now..I thought I'd see how she acted just for a few days and nights. IT GOT SO BAD today that I packed up her stuff and took her back to the NH...knowing that they will not care for her like they should. I just can't take care of her right now. She's constant negative and NEVER, EVER positive, complains about EVERYthing,..every minute. SHe was like this all of her life and since she was abusive to me and my sis I have a "hard" time forgetting all of that when she's throwing another fit..her narcissitic personality since I was a child....NEVER STOPS. I try to ignore her hurtful (on purpose) remarks she makes constantly but I just couldn't take it anymore today. I don't know what else to do. If siblings would just CARE an ITSY, BITSY bit...and it wouldn't always just be me doing everything for her, maybe I could handle it better but they've never helped and there's no changing them now.
teachergear1, have you looked into Adult Foster Care? Much better alternative then a nursing home in my opinion.
I just looked into as I thought it sounded GREAT...but there is none around here..closest one is over 200 miles from me :(
who is her dr at the facility? Ask dr to order nursing home to implement toileting plan. If done by order they have to do it. Also could her bowels be impacted?
I told them to make an appt. with her doc for her rectum. They called me today and said they got an appt for the 17th of this month...the 17th???? That's the EARLIEST?????? GEEZE. Seriously?? I'm just livid with ALL nursing homes..I will talk to her doc about ORDERING a toileting plan BUT.....I can guarantee that it will NOT be implemented at the NH.
i don't know how it works under your mother's insurance or nursing home but when my mother was in a nursing home, I made the dr appts myself and told the nursing home the date. Who takes her to the dr? or are these drs coming to the nursing home?
I used to make all of the appts. for mom AND take her to ALL of them..for the past 6 years. Now, things have changed and I was dx with PTSD and Panic Disorder two years ago, haven't worked in two years..was on UE until a month ago and that has expired so no money for gas or anything/way to pay bills this month. I go to therapy each week and my doc has now taken me off of paxil (been on for 9 years) and is trying something new which won't take effect for several weeks. I told the NH to make the appt. and TAKE her to the appt for her rectum. It's 16 miles to the NH from my house. I can't take her. I did bring her home with me a few days ago and she spend the day, night and part of the next day until she became MEAN with me and hateful as usual...I took her right back to the NH. I can't deal with her anymore but still want her cared for. Problem is this NH was rated 4 starts when I put her in last March..she had been living with me due to negligence from the previous NH. I will call her doc today and tell them that she needs to be in SOONER than the 17th but not sure it will do any good. I am her DPOA and her doc knows that. He told me he'd rather see her live with me than ANY NH...I just can't even take care of myself now and she is SO HARD to care for...can't take your eyes off of her for a second or she is into things in kitchen, etc. I have applied for SSI but that takes 120 days IF I'm even determined eligible and it's only been 30 days. Case management worker coming out sometime soon as I was assigned one to "help"' me find resources to pay rent, utilities, etc. while waiting for SSI decision. It's depressing and I feel pretty worthless at this point.

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