How to find a balance while caregiving.
My brother rented my Mom's home from her because she could not afford the mortgage when my father passed away several years ago. So she was staying with another family member. Recently he moved out, so me and my fiance decided to take over the mortgage and the bills and move her back home where she belongs. My mom and I were excited. We have always been close. It has barely been two weeks and we are butting heads. She is 70yrs old and of sound mind although we (her children) can see the normal aging process. A little slower and a lot more stubborn. From the beginning she stated that she wants to come and go as she pleases, do not worry about her for dinner and she is not cooking every day for us. No problem there. I told her I don't want her to feel obligated to do anything that myself and my fiance would take care of everything. Her and my dad busted their humps their whole lives and all she has is her social security check. I understand she feels like she has to contribute to be a part of the family which is fine, but now we are butting heads. Like two alpha dogs trying to be in control. She is involved with a seniors group and goes out with her friends which is awesome I want her to do things that make her happy. Her and my dad didn't have a lot a money to go on trips and I want her to instead of buying 10 cans of soup just because it was on sale to save it and go on a trip. I love her dearly but I need to know how to set up boundries with her without anyones feelings getting hurt. My fiance has been hiding up in our room because it bothers him to hear how she talks to me like I am still a 10 year old little girl. I need help figuring out a balance. How can we coexist in a house when as we all know when you have a certain way of doing things or a routine it is hard to be open minded about change. I am struggling making sure she is content and that he is content. I am not this spoiled daughter. I am her caregiver and I will always be there for her. I just need some helpful advice on how to make this work. To find a balance emotionally and physically. How to set up expectations of one another without stepping on toes. It pains me to see how frail she is getting. In my heart she is always this young vibrant strong independent woman. I don't want her to feel like the child and I don't want her treating me like one either. Any suggestions please! I know this will work out eventually but could use some sound advice getting there. Thank you