Female, only child caregivers of narcissistic Mothers.

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I am the only child of a narcissistic mother who is herself an only child. She has now been living with me for 17 months.This has now pushed me into having a therapist, a psychiatrist,antidepressants and antianxiety meds to be able to exist day to day with her.Would love to hear from other female only children of a narcissistic mother and hear how you are coping with your mother.


Tex, I am the only adopted daughter of a narcissist mother, who was herself an only child. I should probably have gotten a therapist a long time ago.

I'm too d**n worn out...and that tells you something...to get into the millions of reasons why, after having dealt with my mom for so long and now dealing with her death, my brain has been reduced to a confusing puddle of mental soup.

What happens, in a nutshell, Tex, when you deal with a narcissist for many years, and God help you, if you become their care givers for many more, your spirit gets poisoned. Slowly but surely.

I feel like I'm in the middle of a detox session trying to get rid of it and over it all.

A narcissist can, and will, destroy you. It's as simple as that. You constantly have to be on guard against them and their head games and other assorted manipulations. After so many years of dealing with that kind of personality bleeding my dry, then all the stresses of being my mom's care taker bleeding me on all levels, I'm a mental train wreck.

I didn't get this way overnight. I won't recover overnight either. One day at a time. That's become my mantra.
Oh my goodness there are other people like me with a ma who is just plain mean! she is only keeping my dad alive (he is in late stage alzheimers) because of money. she is selfish, and only thinks of herself. I have never gotten a please or thank u, and i do everything.. i have a twin 5 min away and she doesnt come over, but ma treats her like a queen. My brother is about 20 minutes away and havent seen him in a while.........My ma always brings my past up, or gossips about me or my grown children,,,,,,,,Anxiety medicine is a must,, not because of my dad, because of her,,, i know she has ruined me for thinking clearly, but lately i have just walked away from her when she starts........i have no other idea what to do?
Laura, you pretty much nailed it. You walk away. Over and over and over again. And sometimes, if it's at all possible, you don't come back for awhile.

I can't express how important breaks, many, many breaks, really are to care givers. Especially for those taking care of the...less than joyful...elderly.
I'm an only child and my mother has been an A1 narcissist all her life. With Parkinsons, stroke and dementia, I cared for her for four hellish years. She's been in a nursing home for 18 months yet she's still sucking the life out of me. For my own health and sanity I don't propose to visit her often any more, if at all. I'm taking my life back with both hands!
Today at the age of 44 I saw a therapist about my narcissist mother. I'm an only child. She moved me away from my entire family. I grew up constantly feeling responsible for her well being which resulted in a lot of guilt that turned into years of anxiety. I still suffer from anxiety but think with therapy, I may shed some. I can't believe I waited so long to go to therapy, but it took me a while to be able to see who she really was. The therapist said it takes only children longer because we have no one to bounce things off of or to go through it with. It's hard to explain to someone just how bad it is because they never portray themselves for who they really are. Instead of feeling guilty for going no contact, I felt like a survivor who got dealt a bad deck of parent cards but am going to sort out the rest of my adult years. It's a very unnatural thing to not have contact or low contact with a parent, which is why I got help.
Hello, get it my mom is .....too. i am the scapegoat. The one with feelings...but also the one with a sound mind...my sister is the golden child....does no wrong....she came to visit my mom who had cancer last year. My mom and i were looking foward to her visit. My mom for support and me for relief. She was so selfish. She critisized my moms house, constantly complained that she needed to see friends and family . We were shocked...she was not their too offer my mom support... for the first time my mom said remain friends with her but keep ur distance. Wow a little aknowledgement. A month later my mom said i feel so sorry ffor her...she is such an unhappy person....true butfeeling sorry for her is how she became the narcissis she is....so keep feeding the narcissist... i will keeping caring for you while u tell me i never do enough. ....i had a bithday party for her...me my spouse and her male friend...she told me i did it cause i want to show off.....who is going to celebrate her 79th birthday with her if i dont?????theres my delema... if i had know what nacissism was 30 years ago, i would have skipped town...i cant do that when she is 79..... i love her and can see so clearly her emotional disability..... i obviosly found out i was codependent later.... i dont think i am anymore... only to the extent i cant leave my 79 year old mom who loves me the best way she can...abusive but she does not know better...everyday of my life she is complaining!!!!! Hope someone understands...god bless
I totally agree with all of u,,, when dad was alive and i was tending to him, all she did was yell, dad passed last Jan, 2015 from alzheimers,, now i am be yelled at constantly....maybe it was their up bringing, or they are just scared,, i'm not sure yet, i am hanging in there, please try to also..

Ty so much....
If this helps anyone alanon meetinngs can be ssuch a help. You are required t have a connection to an alchoholic...it could be a relative you never knew cause alchoholism is a family disease...you hear other stories similar to you own and i promise i dont feel like a mental mess when i leaving a meeting.... its like a narural high for me...gives me energy to keep going
Wow! I am not the only child - one of six - second one of six. Oldest daughter with a narcissistic (I believe) father. I do not think that my mother was narcissistic tough me too can not even remember once that either my father or mother has ever hugged us or told us that they loved us. We were forced to kiss my dad after each and every horrible hidings (for nor reason at all or something very small). He would come home and tried every "new" way of hurting us - turn them upside down, holding their heads between your legs with their bottoms up, that way you can give them a real good hiding! Tomorrow someone else had giving him better advice - so he MUST try it. My first childhood memories are that of a very scarred little girl (with my other siblings), running away and hide when he opens the door of our house. And he would then take of his belt and start looking for us - it upsets him when we hid for him so he would really gave us a reason for doing that! And like I have read somewhere else, I can not bear the thought that he might hug me know! I do not want him to come close to me. He has tried to hug us when we were adults but we just let him finish what ever he tried and got it over. Today I am almost 60 and for the first time in my life realized that he is a narcissist - the worst part of all - I have been forced to have him in my house to care for him!

We too were never "good". We were useless, shameless kids. When we were visiting people, we were never allowed out of the car - all six of us cramped in a car till what time at night - if you want to pee - you have to do that on the pavement. He was so ashamed of us. This helped us all to developed in adults with tons and tons of complexes. I till today gets anxiety attacks when people come to visit me or if I meet other people. Has never ever made one single friend in my life. I married to get out of that house - and because I would never ever returned to that house ever in my life, has stayed married to my husband for 40 years now. The marriage has been very bumpy but it still were way better than any good day in my childhood days. My husband had a NM, so he too married to get out of the house - this mixture was cause for huge explosions in our life time. Today we are content and enjoy our life together.

My only real fear is that I might also be like my dad. I could never hugged my children either nor tell them I love them. Till this day. My grandchildren is a different story. I love them to bits and hug them whenever I get the opportunity and kiss them till they had enough! I DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE MY PARENTS! Today I feel sweet nothing for my dad but out of, I suppose, guilt, must care for him.

Like most other, I actually wish he would die and relieve us from the duty to care for him - I know it sound HORRIBLE, but this is unfortunately true.

I wish I had the guts to move them to a nursing home - feel too guilty to do that. My marriage and life is suffering with them being in my house and taking all my time and efforts to care for. I love my mom and do not mind caring for her. And someone has mentioned somewhere - I till today feels envious about all good mother/daughter relationships. My daughter in laws calls their mothers lovingly "Mommy", but I am just "Ma" to my own children and daughter/son in laws. We to some extend insists that the grandchildren always refers to their parents in a loving way as "Mommy" or "Daddy". I never want any of my grandkids to miss out in life on a loving relationship with their parents or their grandparents. My husband still to this day, can not show any affection towards anybody, not even his grandchildren.

I will also forever have the scares of a narcissistic parent's effect on my life with lots and lots of complexes and not to sure if it will ever get better.

For some reason I think that when my dad dies, the ties with him will be broken for ever and that it might release me and that then I will be able to go on with life again - I want to be free from him forever! In a certain sense I now become more irritate with my mom for never protected us against him and still allowing him to "bully" her.

My relationship with my dad now that he is in my care is horrible - to such an extend that I sometimes feel sorry for him but I just can not help myself. If he emerged from their room in the morning it upsets me that he actually are awake - not another day again, please!

I pray that I will never need to stay with any of my kids ever. I does not want them to feel towards me the way I feel towards him. If I have stumbled across this site earlier, I would never allowed them to come and stay with me. This is really hurting me more and my health is really going for a loop. I more often feel like I am going to have a stroke or heart attack. I get anxiety just of the thought that they might live another year! I know I am a horrible person.

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