Feels like a breaking point.


I have been taking care of my mom since I was 19 years old, I am 30 years old now, as she gets older it's more things I have to do for her, lately she and I have been fighting and disagreeing with everything. It seem that since I told her I have decided to focus on me with getting a part time job and applying for college, she has been getting mad and throwing fits at the littlest thing, we live together and I don't have any family to help me. I have a dog but lately she has been yelling at him also, she was told that she had stage 1 aggressive ovarian cancer so I want to believe that's the reason she is in this mood. Tonight we got into a really bad disagreement, she said she will cancel her chemo appointment and that she doesn't give a fuck about life, now normally I would be upset and bending over backwards to get on her good side but lately I have just felt over it and just can't muster up any sadness or drop everything to please her. I feel like that makes me a horrible person's for not wanting to keep her happy. Have I hit my wall on taking care of my mom or am I just burned out. We spend everyday together from going to her appointment to being in the house. I do try to hang with friends but when I leave she seems happy for me but by the time I get back she is on me about the littlest things, so I don't hang out with my friends much anymore. I just want to know if there is someone out there that feels like I do and has advice on what to do next. Thank you

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Adult children are not responsible for caregiving their parents,
they are responsible for getting them care.

Call your nearest senior center to be directed towards help, find out what insurance will cover for in home help so you can start your life.

Sorry that your mother is sick, and sorry that this burden has been tasked to you for over 10+ years doing it alone.

Jamie, do you think your mother may be making things sound worse than they are in order to keep you with her? Not all mothers are mentally healthy.

This is a terrible situation that I can fully relate to. Your mother seems to think that she owns you. Has she ever tried to build a life of her own? It sounds like she depends very much on you. She sounds very dependent and very narcissistic. She is using every bullying tactic in the book to keep you under her thumb, even if that means you will end up growing old alone with no children of your own and no money to live on. Motherly love, right!

At least you realize what it is. You are not her slave and she does not own you. You are an adult now and what you decide for yourself has more weight than what she wants you to do. I think getting a job and going to school sound like fine ideas. I think that moving out into your own place when you get some money sounds even better. You can still help your mother if she needs rides to chemo and things like that, but you have to be able to live your own life.

If your mother is like mine, there will be no talking or reasoning with her. You'll have to do what you need to do against her wishes. If she cuts you out of her life, please keep living your own life. Cutting you out of her life will be her final act of trying to control.

It started with her not being able to get around, then she was told she was in the beginning stages of kidney failure, then from there was told she had stage 3b breast cancer as did treatment, to now be fully dependent on someone, then, then she was put on oxygen 24/7 and told she has a heart condition and that's when I had to take on all the responsibility of the house and her, then she was just had surgery for a removal of a mass which came back as ovarian cancer which leads me to the current events. She is 71 years old

Rose what were mom's ailments when you started taking care of her? How old is she? Google "fear, obligation and guilt" i have a hunch you will see mom in tge writings everywhere. Now she threatens not to do chemo because of something you did? That is her decision there is nothing you can do about this. Mom has been manipulating you for a very long time.

It is up to you to establish boundaries of what you are willing and able to do for her. If that is nothing now, that is ok. It us time for YOU to build your life and long past due. Start by going back to school, then find work that will allow you to have your own place to live.

Get going, a therapist would be helpful to you as you begin to break the chains and head out on your own. It will be a process and you will need aupport to get out from under mom's thumb and out of your rut.

Oh my! You have every right to feel angry and mis-used.
It is totally wrong for your mother to have done this to you. It is the worst case of selfish behavior I have heard! She demands that you sacrifice your life for hers? And she manipulated you all these years?

Please...enroll in college. Build a life for yourself.

You have to draw a line and stop giving everything to her. Think of your own future! You deserve a life.

Stop feeling upset with yourself. She has "played" you all these years! That you are finally coming out from under this awful spell is great! Realize that this is how narcissists control their victims.....making them feel guilty for daring to think of their own needs!

If this a breaking point...then I say good.

When you talk to your Mom..realize that she is not going to quit treating you this was easily. After all it has worked all these years. Just be firm and stand your ground. Tell her you are going up to the campus to enroll. Tell her the day you will do it. Do not argue with her, do not discuss it with her. When she fusses about it..walk away and go do something else. Do not get into s scene with her. Just ignore the tantrum and do what you need to do for yourself.

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