Feeling very unhopeful for my role in my Mom's future care.
I did it once and cannot go through this alone again. I am the eldest in a family of five. I am female and single and in my late forties. I cared for my father alone until he died from cancer in 2002. This was an emotionally overwhelming experience lasting 6 weeks living with him full time(and some visiting before that). My mother was reacting unbelievably indifferent about what was happeneing and didn't come near him, I had no help despite my siblings visiting often for weekends and they were bdownstairs watching TV on phones etc. and entertaining themselves. It was worse than if they hadn't been there at all. This made it much harder knowing what was going on, on the other side of walls. I was also an NHS worker and also see it as a responsibility to help our parents while dying as much as possible. In addition my father had anger issues and totally changed personality the entire time. He died throwing his hate at me. My mother was worse. The feeling s of being hated were all lifted away thank goodness when he died. My mother now since 2013 has advanced cancer and other medical issues. Nobody was doing anything, not even accompanying her for chemotherapy, so I came from my job abroad to live with her . Her personality has always been down on me and she is and always has been positive toward the other siblings seeing silmutaneaously many faults with me. Much of this is to do with not being married children and financially unsuccessful. However I m very independent and strong and believe regardless of this she does not deserve to die alone in nursing care since she after all has cared for and worked all her life for her children. Now my siblings have so many reasons/excuses children jobs mortages, evening jobs, living abroad with family, marriage to a spouse who dissalows time away form her etc etc but no time left to give to mother. This schedule is created by them and they wont do anything. My mother has many anger issues at me specifically and again I am the brunt of that. I feel this amongst the overall situation has worn down my confidence now. Mum is currently well but I know it will be bad for her unless some people help her through the dying process. I feel very weepy now each day as I can no longer cope with the critism and insults and then the aura of joy given to my siblings. This is getting so hard I notice I am resentful of the caring ,..the one thing I know I have skills to do. I would love a forum or some local help to mediate through what I can do in this situation so my mother is not alone or put into the lowest level nursing home which I have worked in and really would nt want for a pet let alone an elderly person. I have now got a flat in the city and am leaving my mother high and dry to very skimpy secular services. I am thinking of taking a loan to pay for more professional help. Any suggestions where I can find some support ,.....UK responsabile and try to do the right thing but cant do what I have been doing anymore.