I'm feeling so sad and angry.

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Last night my mother in law called sobbing that they can't make it to christmas because someone broke in and stole her jewlery. We knew it would be some excuse but the sobs were just heart breaking. We never see them - there's always a last minute crisis - all dementia related. She has yet to see a doctor - it's been 3 years. She makes excuses or creates crisis at the last minute for doc appointments. Why am I angry? Her husband my FIL caves to her every wim and won't force her to get help . He gets angry if we even try to suggest something. He protects her and is bad at it. I'm seriously thinking of calling APS although she calls the police so often I'm sure they know the situation. This gas been going on for years!


As they are your hubby's parents what is his take on the situation?
Are you and hubby not able to go see them? Just asking to get a better idea of the situation. Does hubby have any siblings?
My mother does that quite a lot. We'll make plans to go to my brother's house, then she will say she isn't well. I've learned to never depend on going a certain place until we are on the road headed in that direction. I let my brother know, also, not to depend on us being there until they see us at the door.
Everytime we have plans " something comes up". .. Ilness, " a broken hip" ( not really) , theives broke in and stole jewlry or whatever, he 's having an affair with a bunch of women from Walmart . Whatever. The one time we were able to see them we weren't allowed in the house, we had to sit at the clubhouse at their retirement neighborhood for 8 hours.
It's hard when you have no control over a situation where your heart is involved. It seems as though you really want to connect with your inlaws even though it's proving to be a pretty difficult endeavor. I think that's very caring and sweet of you. Have you tried writing them letters and sending care packages? Even if they can't write back at least they'll know you're thinking of them and are there if they need you. Is Skype or frequent phone calls a possibility? Unfortunately I believe everything needs to be on their terms and your hands are pretty much tied, but maybe you can find some windows in the wall they've built around themselves. I hope this helps in some way. Take care & good luck.

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