Woke up feeling sad and guilty about my mom falling while in my care...

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My mom was only visiting me out of state for two weeks when she fell getting up out of bed to go to the bathroom and broke her hip. I had a baby monitor watching her so I could get up with her each time, but she beat me getting up. She simply stood up and then somehow fell. I knew it was a game changer when the EMS said it was her hip. Her dementia has worsened and she will not walk alone again. She fell on Mother's Day morning, so it's been a month and a half. I can't help wondering how long she would have continued doing well if I hadn't went to get her. My sister needed a break, and my mom needed a break from her as well. So, I looked forward to taking care of her those two weeks and pampering her. We did have a wonderful week before it happened. It just hurts really bad.

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My mom has taken so many falls. Caring for her for 23 years and have the same feelings. She doesn't sleep at night and roams the house. Tried the baby monitor but she shuts it off. She has fallen right in front of me and I couldn't catch her. Some months ago I was so exhausted, woke up to see bathroom light on and decided to get up, she is up all night anyway, in the bathroom washing, combing, spraying her hair (COD) that I didn't think anything was wrong. Went into bathroom to find her lying in the bathroom, literally foaming from the mouth and gasping for air. I tried to get her up, she is heavy, managed to but hurt my back as she is heavy. She has not left the house in 9 years (COD) and numerous times for different ailments I have called an ambulance but she refuses to go. As long as she knows the questions they ask (name, year, address) they cannot force her to go. She falls on average of 3/4 times a week, lucky so far nothing broke. Sorry for the long story, but again, I know how you feel, but we cannot be there every second. But still doesn't stop the guilt.
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Thank you 3pinkroses. I just try not to think back on that night, but concentrate on being there for her now. Some days it's hard not to "what if", but I guess we all do that from time to time. Take care.
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Also, I have read that it isn't the fall that always can break a hip, etc. But, often when the person is just standing up, the bone breaks first and then they fall; and no one could ever prevent that. You have received so many supportive posts and glad you are feeling better. Take care.
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I think I understand -- this kind of second-guessing can be very depressing.

When I was 15 my mother fell on a bus in Mexico City and hit her head. I felt terrible about not catching her for decades, until I discovered that she'd had a small stroke, and it was the stroke, not the fall, that impaired some of her functioning.

At the age of 90 last year she jumped out of bed, fell, and broke her leg, and had to have her hip re-replaced. I was sleeping on the couch outside her bedroom to be able to help her get to the bathroom, but even if I had been in the room watching her all night I would not have been fast enough to catch her.

At that point I realized that there is not always a solution.

We all just do the best we can.
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Thank you all....it helps so much having support from distant "sisters".
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Please try not to beat yourself up over this. The doctor's comment in the earlier post ("That's what they do," he said. "They fall.") may sound a little harsh, but it's absolutely true. No amount of precaution can prevent the possibility of falling. If your mom had been in a skilled nursing facility with 24 hour care, she still could have fallen.
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im sorry that your mother fell on your watch and know how you must feel . i have been taking care of my mother for 6 yrs now and she has fallen many times mostly over the last 3 yrs since she is not ambulatory any more .the only times she does stand is for transfers and even then with my holding her she will slide and fall . all i can do is call emergency and they are more than kind . none of us wants our parent to fall but its a reality . you were there for her and thats what is important . by beating up on yourself neither of you is going to get better . so pick yourself up, give yourself a hug for doing everything right and for the support from all of us . many hugs .
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Many elderly have a calcium deficiency that leads to osteporosis and brittle bones.Many falls are cause by the hip bone breaking resulting in a fall the opposite of what most people assume.Don't blame yourself for things that are out of your control.Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job.
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No matter how hard we try to make our parents safe - we cannot be there 24-7. The times that my mother has fallen has been with a relative at the house or getting up in the middle of the night responding to a dream. Mother is wheelchair bound. She can help me get her on the potty but I have t be right with her. I hate so much that she has fallen but I can not hold myself responsible when i am doing all that I can to keep her at home. Please don't give yourself a hard time. At least you are willing to do something. i am the sole caregiver for my mom. my sister is completely absent. I have an 11 yr old and 16 yr old at home as well. Mom sleeps in my husband and my bed. he sleeps on the couch and i sleep on the floor. We have been doing this for the last 2 1/2 years. I have been through the guilt, the beating myself up, but thankfully, i accept my limitations and hers and lean on the Lord for strength to complete the task before me. love on your mama - none of us know when it will be the last time. Stop beating yourself up - it will keep you bound and you will not feel the freedom that you need to to help your mama. Blessings!!!
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This is not your fault. She got up before you could get there and many elderly people are prone to falls and fragile enough to break hips. I would suggest getting her both a walker and a wheelchair. Both are so useful and she might even get a power scooter through Medicare. Also, it might be helpful to have the baby monitor there and to give her a little bell that she could ring when she needs something or needs to use the bathroom. You would hear it on the baby monitor and she could wait for you.
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