Feeling overwhelmed, again.

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It's probably situational. I am trying to organize everything for my mother to move into an ALF this month. I have doctors' appointments for an ENT, for her hearing aids, attorney, movers, my daughter's graduation, Mother's day and then she moves to ALF.

Then at the end of May I have my own doctor's appointment. My husband and I go on vacation in June, then his father is visiting (staying with his friends) and he just laid out when he wanted to see us while he is her. My husband's mother's birthday is during that week too. I do not have a free weekend until after June 25th! And then my daughter is moving back for the start of dental school.

I feel like I can't breathe thinking about all of this!


Logan, you have too much on your plate. Can your Mom's doctor appointments and hearing aid wait until she is already moved into Assisted Living?

Or postpone the June vacation once the dust has settled.... then you can enjoy your vacation. If your hubby has to take vacation during that time, use it for other things to help get your Mom settled.
Freqflyer, unfortunately the doctor appointment and hearing aids are needed before she moves in. So I have no wiggle room there. The vacation we booked in February and it's non-refundable so I can't cancel it or we would lose a good chunk of money. But thanks for the suggestions!

I hope that maybe after I move her and and go on vacation maybe I will feel less overwhelmed moving into everything planned in June. Maybe?!
You need a care manager for your mom. Someone to go on the appointments with you for the hearing aids and to the ALF. This person can help with the hearing aid adjustments and help your mom settle in to the ALF. With this help you might be able to enjoy your vacation.
Logan, where you have wiggle room is with the social events. Mother's Day, MIL's birthday, Dad's visit. If the graduation falls on Mother's Day weekend and you have a grad party planned, the family will be all together. Let that substitute for whatever Mother's Day event you'd normally do for your mom. We did that a few years ago....since the family was all together anyhow, why make the extra work of another gathering?

For MIL's birthday, think about what you actually have to do - would flowers (ordered online) and a call work?

For Dad's visit, does his schedule for you work, or do you need to adjust that with him? Can you avoid any entertaining while he's in town by going out to eat?

Could you bring in someone to do the housecleaning for you?

Time to dust off that great de-stressor - saying no.
Hey Linda, we are combining mother's day by going out with my mother and my husband's mother. The grad party, thanks for reminding me! Is May 20th, can't combine the events unfortunately.

As far as his father's visit...he really didn't give an option and my husband agreed so any chance at discussing that went out the door, but your recommendation about having those event out is a great idea!

Thanks, 97yroldmom, unfortunately I do need to go to the two appointments with my mother but after that I am thinking the ALF can take her.

Dear Logan,

I hear you. Its not easy trying to balance all these appointments. I think all I can say is take one day at a time and try not look too far ahead. Before my dad passed, I too, would look ahead and get overwhelmed. Thinking back, I should have just taken it day by day. And whatever I could get done in one day should be good enough. I can really sympathize and empathize with what you are writing back. Take care of yourself the best you can.
You've been given good advice! Even if it doesn't apply this time, keep it in mind for future high stress periods. Keep your vocal chords healthy and practice saying No.

Hubby agreed to show his father what he requested. Can Hubby take his dad and leave you home some of these times?

Other than fitting it into your schedule, Mother's Day sounds pleasant. Don't your kid(s) do something with you on that day, too?

Something very easy to delegate is housecleaning. If you don't have a cleaner now, hire a one-time thorough cleaning, before the grad party. And if you life continues to be this hectic, hire the service for weekly or bi-weekly. I have a feeling, though, that things will quiet down with Mom in ALF (and you have "no" down pat).

For the month of May, eat out a lot, bring deli meals home, have your husband pick up your favorite fast food. If cooking happens to be a de-stressor for you, plan to cook one meal a week.

Just reading your schedule makes me tired. Anyone would feel a little overwhelmed in your situation. But you can get through this. You've done tough things before and this is just one more. Hang in there. And then .... vacation!

Thanks cdnreader and jeannegibbs. Agreed on keeping the advice in mind.

I did ask my husband about some re-arranging of the June visit and he was fine with that! Yay.

Regarding mother's day, I have one daughter and she is coming out with us that day.

Didn't look at it that way, that after my mother is at the ALF that things will quiet down so some of what I am feeling now will probably be gone at that point! Thanks for bringing that up...sometimes hard to see the forest!
My sister just sent me her May activities. It looks an awful lot like yours, except for taking people to appointments. I assume my sister is about a generation older than you, Logan, since her graduation events are for grandkids. She is retired. How does she survive this pace?

Well, for one thing, she has certainly learned to say, "No" or "Not now, but next month I'll have time." I have asked her for two favors. She'll do both, but I'm not even reminding her of them this month!

And the things she says Yes to are mostly things she loves doing. Giving parties is probably her favorite thing in the world to do. She's having 40 of us over for Mother's Day brunch!

This month looks worse on paper for you than you'll probably find it day-by-day. Take it one day at a time, and you'll survive. Going out on Mother's day with all the people involved shows good organization. You can do this!

And when you get back from vacation and life settles into its new normal, you'll be that much more experienced at juggling lots of activities and events. Try to see that most of them are things you like doing.
Thanks Jeanne! That really helps!

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