Feeling like a jealous baby.

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Im feeling worse everyday because of my parents,a quick back story, my mum and dad divorced when i was 2 ans they have not seen or spoke yo each other since, i dad is not the fatherly type , doesn't hug me or say nice things, has never supported me or even spent time with me, but i am exspeted to help him run his life and be his little wifey, clean up after him, cook for him sort out his fiances. and he is 50 years old and in perfect health, but im fine with that funnily enough because thats what i have been brought up with, i dont expect anything from him because i know i will never get anything, its my mother that causes me heartache,when my parents divorced it was very messy and i had to go live with my dad and i was lucky if i saw my mum once a week for 4 hours at my nans house (my mums mum) and thats what it was like for 14 years and some weeks i never saw her at all, then when i was 16 i moved out of my dads house, got a job and a flat and because i had my own home now i thought YESSS MY MUM CAN COME AND SEE ME and i can finally have some kind of parent who will tell e how proud she is of me and spend time with me, but oh how wrong i was, at this point she got a boyfriend with 3 kids who are older than me and she got a promotion and i saw her even less, she was too busy working or taking her boyfriends grand kids on days out or making her boyfriends sons meals and taking care of them, this is when everything took a turn for the worse, my nan (my mums mum) who i had always had a great relationship with had to have a hip operation and needed care so my mum gave up her job to care for my nan which was fine as her boyfriend had a great job and can support her, then after my nan got better my mum would go two days a week to see her and this is the part that stung me, my mum would have to drive past my house to get to my nans and for 3 years i would sit at my window waiting for her car just hoping she would stop and come and see me but she never did and it would stab me in the heart that she never once stopped to see me because she had to get home to take care of her boyfriends kids who were all 18 years old +, then fast forward a few years, im 21 now and my nan has had the beginnings of dementia, my mum now does to my nans 3 days a week and sleeps over there, and runs around after my nan like a child, my nan has become very nasty towards me in the past few years, when my nan got dementia originally in 2013 i was part of the help plan, i was supposed to stay at my nans at weekends so my mum could have a break because it would of been too much hard work for my mum to stay 3 days a week so with me doing 2 days she would only have to do 1 day but it was really really hard for me, my nan was very demanding, she would should at me and kick me out of the house and say awful things to me plus i had to work, so i had to stop going i couldn't handle it any more and of course the guilt trip from my mum has never stopped how stressed she it and how we all promised to help her but now its all down to her but i feel like she is being stupid, she goes 3 days a week, doesn't have to work, drives a flash car, takes fancy holidays to exotic lands, while i couldnrt afford driving lessons never mind a bloody car, and thats what it like now, she is now even more busy so i never see her, she always says how when my nan passes away it will all be different but i know thats rubbish, she doesn't want me, she never wanted me, my dad only wants me when he needs stuff doing, and now i feel like i need to cut her out of my life, it breaks my heart when i know i have a mother who dangles herself in front of me but i can never have her. i have told her how i feel on many occasions but i just get false promises. im sorry for rambling but i dont know where else to turn, iv asked questions on here before regarding the issues with my nan and her attention seeking and everyone was so kind and helpful so i hoped people might be able to help me again, thank you so much

4 Comments

First of all let me say how sorry I am for your situation. Everyone deserves to be loved and have someone to love. Unfortunately you will not get any of this from your parents. You must love yourself enough to make your own life whatever that may be. It sounds as if things could only get better for you, not worse, if you totally disassociated with all of these people. What do you have to lose?

But more importantly you need counseling to overcome the lack of parenting you have received. You need help finding your worth outside of these cold and uncaring people or you may gravitate toward uncaring partners in the future.

You sound as if you are in the UK? I hope there are services you can seek to give you the opportunities you need to move out of this dire situation. Please seek help. Read all you can about narcissistic people, unloving parents and anything that you may think would be applicable to your life.

Believe me, it helps to understand and realize you are not alone and you are not the crazy one. You are only 21. You have your entire life ahead of you. Bless you
Unfortunately, you will not change your Mother but you can move on and have a wonderful life. You know the kind of Mother you don't want to be when that time comes. For now get counseling as suggested and take one step at a time. Surround yourself with good people, find a career you enjoy and a hobby that makes you happy!

Getting bogged down in those awful past hurts will serve no good purpose in your life. They will only hold you back from all the good that life has to offer. You deserve a happy, healthy and purposeful life but only YOU can make that happen. There is a saying "Life is an Attitude" and at your age there are just too many years ahead to not start now having a good attitude and making good choices..

Wishing you all the very best! God loves you and you need to start working on loving yourself!
I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. Yearning for our parents love and acceptance is deeply ingrained. I totally agree that counseling is probably a good idea for you. I was fortunate to find a good counselor when I was in my late 20s. A lot of my issues were tied into seeking my parents love and approval. One day my counselor gently asked me, "what if your parents are never able to provide these things?" It was hard to hear but probably the most pivotal moment in my therapy. I could spend the rest of my life yearning and feeling empty or I could accept things as they were and find the fulfillment I needed in more healthy ways. I am 58 years old now and I won't kid you there are still moments I mourn the parents I always wished I had but these moments are not often and they pass quickly. It will take time for you to shift your patterns of thinking so be patient with the process, but take it from someone who has been there, it is the best gift you will ever give yourself.
i dont really get your dilema. my grown sons dont really need me . good for them , they must have developed some great survival tools . ones a paramedic and the other builds engines . i aint going to bother them unless i need scooped up in an ambulance or need an engine bored . if i see them fly over i spose id flip em off just to be cordial ..
seriosly b*tches, stay outta my air space, ive a paranoid personality disorder and an itchy trigger finger..

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