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I have a respite weekend planned with my son. I care for my loved one who is 74 and had a stoke. But Im torn between taking my loved one and leaving him with respite care. The guilt and anxiety I have as the weekend gets closer. A lot of what ifs keep going thru my head. What if I take him and we break down on the highway what if I leave him and something happens while I gone. I shouldnt be this hard when it comes to taking care of my self. .

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I have been getting ready to put Mama in respite care for a few days myself and just as things were getting planned, Mama's tooth broke off and she is not eating as well as she was. she doesn't "eat" in the sense of chewing anyway, but she lives on the nutritional supplements and what I create for her with my little rocket blender. so now it is taking me almost all day to get the same nutrition in her that had only taken the regular mealtimes prior to the tooth breaking...so.......now am also feeling guilty for needing a break. I'm afraid if I am not here for her, and she does at the NF the way she does here, they will just say, well, she'll eat when she is hungry...she won't tell them she is hungry...I just know....so now I am questioning whether I can even do respite right now..

When I make a quick errand run, if someone starts talking to me OUT THERE....I find myself feeling like I sound so stupid...I feel like I am rambling, stuttering, and just feeling like I have been on an island by myself for a long time and all these new fangled things out here in the world are stupifying to me...and it's only been two and a half years....I used to be considered fairly well read, well spoken, intelligent...why is it I feel like a blithering idiot now...
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Cece; Caregiving takes its toll on our physical and mental health. Go see your doctor when you get back and talk about this.
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I do have paid qualified caregivers caring for him no worries there I just havnt had this kind of anxiety in a long time
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Feeling guilty is part of the job description of being a caregiver. If you leave you'll feel guilty about not being there for your loved one. If you take LO with you you'll feel guilty for not giving your full attention to your son. If you stay home you'll feel guilty for not building this memory with your son.

If you work at it, you can feel guilty about nearly everything connected with caregiving. I know it does no good to say "you're not doing anything wrong. Don't feel guilty" (even though it is true) so I'll say instead, "Learn to live with a low level of guilt. Push it as far into the background as you can. And don't let it interfere with the actions you decide upon."

And in this case the right decision it to make sure LO is cared for in your absence and take the trip.
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Thank you for the words of wisdom this anxiety is overwhelming but I know I need a weekend of life the way it use to be
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When you feel guilty for leaving your loved one in the care of others, remember that you are taking time to make memories with your son. Your loved one cared be cared by others, but your son only has one mom and needs your time, too.
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I'm sure you do a wonderful job of taking care of your loved one. Don't worry and have a good time. It's unlikely that your car will break down, and if it did, you could call on your cell phone for help. Also, can you call your loved one during the trip to make sure everything is OK? In addition, getting away will help you in your caregiver role, as you will come back refreshed and revitalized.
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You can plan for reasonably expected events or you can spend your life paralyzed by the awful-er possibilities of life. YOU so clearly need a break from caregiving. Go. Relax. Enjoy yourself. Bad things can happen when you stay home, too.
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How would it be respite for you if you took your LO on this trip?
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What if you don't go and you miss the weekend with you Son?? We can't control everything!!
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