Feeling guilty for reminding my Mom to finish her living will!

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Well the past 5 years I have been telling my Mom to finish her will and living will because she told me she doesn't want to go in a home and stay in her house and have me or I find a good caregiver to look after her well I said if you don't do a living will and get really sick then their is nothing I can do to stop other family members or your husband from trying to put you in an old age home my sister has already suggested it I have been taking care of my Mom for 5 years now has her caregiver I do everything shower laundry cooking cleaning appointments you name I do it. I also take care of my Step-Dad he has been cater to all his life by his Mom ex-wife and my Mom but she has Parkinson's well today the health nurse came to see my Mom and did some test and then told me outside that my Mom did poorly on the questions and drawings and has the early stage of dementia anyways I felt very sad and worried for my Mom because she is expecting me to take care of her and to make sure she doesn't end up in a home she ask me to help her with some questions on her living will about 8 months ago. Now is it illegal to help her?? Then she put it away and showed me where it would be well today she wanted to look at it now it is missing what the heck I think she missed place it or her husband move it I don't know now is it illegal to help her because I don't want to be accused of anything and I am feeling guilty about it all but that is my nature feeling guilty about everything to begin with just need some advice please if any of you have time read my other posts so you understand a little bit about me and whats going on.


Shed the guilt. Obviously she didn't want to think about it or deal with it. So you muddle through the best you can. Don't quit your job, you just do what you can and call in the professionals when it becomes a 24/7 job. You watch over her, but she won't want to take away your health and well-being. Know your limits.
I don't know if it's illegal to help her or not but if she's lost the will whether it's legal or not doesn't matter because it's gone. Get her to the lawyer ASAP and have another one drawn up, get it done in one day and then you take it an put it somewhere safe.
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but if she already had Dementia and it has been diagnosed, she is not considered competent to draw up new legal documents or change existing ones. Contact an attorney to get the legally correct information. I just know that before my Mom was even diagnosed, her financial advisor wouldn't change anything because she was acting odd. Also, my attorney told me that I have her Power of Attorney over finances and health, thank God! Check with a Wills & Estate lawyer. God knows I'm not one (though I worked for attorneys for over 20 years), but I know everything has to be done a certain & precise way or it won't be legal. Good luck.
See if you can find out who drew up her will. It is still binding if you can find that information. @Eyerishlass, please do not think I am being a know-it-all, but there
is absolutely no way her Will can be drawn up in one day, the attorney will need to meet with her, he will spend time with her to see what she wants and if he believes she is competent. Then it will need to be drafted (and they can be quite lengthy). I'm just saying this from experience, there are things you probably ly aren't aware of that he needs to do before it can be completed. It could take 2-6 weeks depending. And @overwhelm (great name -- so appropriate when we take care of loved ones with Alzheimer's or other conditions when they get older), if your Mom has assets, have a Trust drawn up, not a Will. That way, you don't have to deal with all the red tape of going to Court (as well as the expense of lawyers). I hope I've been helpful, though I know the information isn't exactly what you want to hear. I went to an Elder attorney and found out so much. It was shocking.
I was thinking that the attorney who did the original will that was lost would have a copy of it.
I hope you are right @Eyetishlass. Sure would make things easier, wouldn't it? That is why I now have a locked file cabinet with importantpapers(including the Trust). My Mom will lose control & do something with it.
Like it was said above I would see if her lawyer has a copy of her power of attorney. , Dependent on the severity of the Dementia will determine your mother's legal limits as to what documents can be created at this point. Advanced directives such as Living wills or medical treatment plans only go into effect when your mother can no-longer make decisions for herself. I would suggest meeting with her physician when she is at her best to fill out advance directives. Then if the question arises as to her competence, you have medical backing to her decisions. If she prefers to have a Medical Power of Attorney, you or someone she specifies, That usually needs to have a notary present for the signature. Most doctor's offices or hospitals have a notary on staff, but they will be very cautious listening to the doctor to ensure she is competent. These decisions should be thoroughly discussed with all family members to ensure clarify of your mother's wishes.
Depending on which state you are in, without advance directives, the state looks to the spouse as t he next in line to make care decisions. Some dementia patients have times where they think clearly enough to make decisions, but that becomes questionable. Legal Power of Attorney to deal with financial matters is completely different..
I wish you the best!

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