Feeling Guilty and Confused.
My mom came to live with us in Feb 2011 after falling at home and being their alone for twenty four hours before being found. Heres the story My husband had a Discogram the year before it was in August By November he was getting very ill everyone thought he just needed surgery on his back well he actually had a fever and an infection lost his abilty to walk finnally his doctor believed their was something really wrong and did a mri put him in the hospital that day and did surgery that same day he stayed their for a month the day he came home ( on a strecher still unable to walk ) we found mom under the bed so their it was husband bedriden and mom in the hospital well she recovered some what and refused to go into a nursing home I got though it taking care of the both of them somehow now a year and half later mom had a stroke her left side paralized she went into a Nh for rehab and after three weeks she is able to take a few steps with the help of two theripists she cannot dress herself go to the bathroom (wearing a diaper ) she needs assistantance with everything she does on the Other hand husband is still very bad from his back he is waiting for his third surgery me on the other hand have a screwed up back and parkinsons. went to see mom yesterday she is very angry blood pressure up she says she wants to be taken care of what she wants is to comeback and have us hire a lady to come in and take care of her well she needs twenty four hour care and that means hiring someone to come live with us . we dont have that kind of room would have to put mom in frontroom so lady could have a room also have to hire a nother person to come when lady is off we looked into it 260.00 dollars a day we dont have that kind of money unless we sell the house then theirs no house for lady .so we called a senor advocate who came and showed us places were mom could go and be taken care off we found a house really close by they take care of six patients with two caregivers twenty four hours a day seven days a week the place feels lke a home she has a room her bathroom adjoined to her room home cooked meals they arange everything transportation to the doc whatever she needs and its all ladies their around her age the place is perfect and close by so we could vist daily and affordable.the problem is shes still not happy and still insists on coming home she woulnt be able to get in the house unless someone carried her and coudnt take a shower the room is not wheelchair accessible she is making it really hard on me being the only child Im feeling really guilty for not bringing her home if I did bring her home my health would deteriate really fast especially if I was to lift her With My back I also have Little disc left and pinched nerves I dont know what to do she puts the guilt trip on us everyday I see her I feel really bad for her but were in our late 50 and our health isnt good if I do has she wishes shell be happy but we will be miserable with other people living with us its going to be a lot of stress dont think we can survive that