Feeling frustrated tonight...

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Good evening all hope that you had a good day. My day was not to bad but for some reason tonight I cannot get anything done that I want to do. My mom has gone to bed and I got some lessons ( I am taking a online class for medical coding) And I am half way there and cannot concentrate. I took my own version of a Spring break and am having trouble getting back into the books. While I am having my Spring break mom has a small heart attack and spent a few days in the hospital and then I am thinking I wanted a break but not like this. Wellshe is back home and is on a few more meds and one of them makes her pee all day long and she needs help getting to the bathroom and pulling up her depends ( she calls them her panties) lol and them I have to empty the ostomy bag to. I cannot get back into the books and I am paying for this!And she has to go to the bathroom often even in the middle of the night so I have to get up and help her. I AM THE ONLY ONE WE HAVE NO FAMILY IN OUR STATE......I have finally asked for help to come in a few times a week to help out and will be glad when it starts. My mom is 95 she has a birthday next month and after that I am planning me some much needed respite. I was planning on going to visit some family/ friends but I have to take care of some medical issues for me so that will be the best time to do this for me and my health. My mom has dementia wears hearing aids and uses a walker and wears glasses and the ostomy pouch and is usually quiet until she needs you to do something for her and is always in a hurry. There are other issues to like my kids do not hear from them that's all I will say painful..:-( but I will keep standing no matter what just feeling a little frustrated tonight having me a glass of wine and when I am done with this taking me a hot bath and good night for me because it starts all over tomorrow. Taking this respite will be a good thing for me I just hope that she will not try any tricks like not getting in the car ( I do not plan on telling her till we get there she says that she understands and this is a lot for me but......we will see) And on the friends well they have disappeared mostly get a phone call just to "check in" see how I am doing and mom do not want to hear much of anything that I am going through so I have to keep it short...I don't blame them but you say you are my friend?. Having a relationship that is out of the question ( did have one about 5 years ago be he got tired and he left broke my heart .) Just feeling frustrated and got on this site and to vent /talk about my feelings . I am going to close for now to be continued.........God Bless you all goodnight......Purplerain

15 Comments

Purple, I know how difficult it is to take classes when caregiving! I finished my Master's degree two years ago while caring for my mom.The final semester was the most difficult as I had to research and complete a major project. My grades is all my other classes had been excellent. This last class, Capstone, was so difficult for me. I had been caring for mom for almost a year then. I think that I was just plain worn out, mom was getting so much, there wasn't much left.

So, my point, is don't be so hard on yourself. Take some time for you. It was great that you were able to do that when your mom was in the hospital. Bring in other caregivers, take some time for YOU! I would bring them in for whatever amount of time that you need to get class work done. Just imagine how much you could get done if you weren't having to chase after your mom.

Good luck with your class.
as long as you're drinking you won't be able to figure much of anything out. frankly you are the problem. put the plug in the jug sweetheart, and be grateful you still have a mother to complain about. my suggestion is stay home and take care of your 95 year old mother who may be gone any minute, she's already had one heart attack. you really want to live with the guilt of sitting in a hot tub with a glass of wine when she dies? i was on a ski trip in france when my grandfather died, not drinking, but still living it up like queen bee. believe me, it's the kind of thing you'll never forget. by the way, there's no such thing as a 'small heart attack', this is serious, as bad as it gets in the emergency room. it was a gift from God you didn't lose her, i interpret that as a wake up call for you.
Boo Caregiver14. What an awful reply you gave.
Sorry honey, but it reads to me that YOU might have been guilty of some of that SHIT you are spouting.....just because you were living it up when your loved one passed..hey... not all of us do that. YOU need to APOLOGIZE for your harsh words. EMPATHY! Look it up on Wikepedia.

Did you really say such nasty stuff? Meh... my eyes hurt from the foul shit you spouted.
Jeanette - guilt is irrelevant, there's only one judge, Jesus. if you don't want to hear the truth don't read my comments, that's my suggestion to you. i have total empathy with each and every soul here, no one in their right mind would be here if they didn't have a problem, were in some kind of pain or inner turmoil. i'm not here for happy talk, i have serious problems with my mother that i'm trying to solve. i read a lot of different posts, some unrelated to what i'm going thru, because i never know where i'll see a few words that help my mom and me. twitter looks great if anyone here is looking for happy talk, it's my understanding you can filter who you follow there, say anything you like. this is a nice clean site, i'm sure a lot of us would like to keep it that way. constructive criticism, no foul language. i have 15 years of experience dealing with psychological disorders in friends and family about which you know nothing. it's very easy for me to spot red flags in someone's words, including yours Jeanette. have a blessed night and Divine Mercy Sunday. praise and glory to our risen Lord Jesus Christ.
caregiver,
too much witnessing turns people off. your'e implying that you have something that we need and are hopelessly lost without. you do your cause more harm than good. blah to the rhetoric, show us with your good works.
Caregiver14 you are rude!! Just because you have a problem with alcohol doesn't mean we all do!

I also spot red flags in your reply which indicate to me that you live in a glass house..

Even Jesus drank wine...
The woman across the road is a bible thumping looney tune, smokes like a chimney and drinks like a fish,, always cornering you spouting and if you commented or disagreed she'd jump up and down and rage. One summer afternoon I threw her screaming butski off my front lawn and she hasn't come near me since. Problem solved :)
Purplerrain my heart goes out to you. I can so identify with some of your words. Friends seem to not stay attentive and really can get burned out quickly if we try to vent so I too keep it short and deal with things on my own. Relationships while caring for an aging parent in your home are so difficult. You get torn between your care giving and the other person. You do need respite. You so deserve it. My mother is narcissistic and we have lived together going on three years. My significant other left me and believe me it was the right decision. I couldn't expect they put up with my mothers sour moods. I don't agree with anyone putting their religious views on these posts. A higher power would not want suffering and adult children were not born to suffer for their parents! This is not all about the one who requires care!!! What about the caregivers?? It is not selfish to set boundaries and try to carve out some ME time. Life is short! My heart goes out to you.
Beautifully said musiclover1211...
My only request today is that we have mercy on each other. No two people's burden is the same.This is mostly a nonjudgemental site but occasionally some people feel the need to be somewhat critical. I still thinks this behavior comes from their own fears and stress.Lets just take it easy on each other.

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