Feeling angry about parent's medical decisions.
I'm feeling a lot of mixed emotions lately. My mom who lives with me and my partner has rectal cancer. The tumor is small enough to be operated on and has a 95% chance of remission, however my mom's decision was that she was not to be operated on. Her two reasonings are questionable.
#1. She feels that once they open you up, the cancer spreads like wildfire. Is that true?
#2. She would have to wear a colostomy bag for 2 months, however it is not guaranteed that it would be just 2 months, or if --- forever due to the delicacy of the intestine/colon issue and reattaching. She is still traumatized because my grandfather committed suicide due to wearing the colostomy bag. But this was back in the 70's and they have made so much improvements with this.
So this means that she needs to get more radiation done. We're trying the direct radiation at Sloan's Ketterings in NYC -- the type where they put you out for 6 hrs and go inside with a direct hit from the radiation. This is only 3 times. BUT --- this is not guaranteed it will work. So plan C would mean to keep taking her to radiation or chemo treatments, which puts out a lot of her daughters (us) which drive her to each appointment.
If she gets the surgery, it'll be a one time shot and the 95% has us reassured that she'll be ok. It is stage 1 and has not spread or has gone through the walls. It is the simplest and most logical route per our doctors. But she says no. Again, this would be easier on ALL of us, but because of her fear, we have to go these routes which are very challenging.
I sort of feel bad for feeling angry. I love her very much. We had just lost our father to cancer 3 years ago and now we're going through the same rigmarole again with mom -- taking her to radiation every single day and midnight calls up to the ER because of sepsis infections, etc., etc..... We would do ANYTHING for her and we are -- but is there anyone out there who can give me an answer to whether the operation would spread the cancer more?
It feels like my life has been put on hold. We had to hold off our annual vacation (which is sooooooooo needed) and we also had to make a lot of adjustments because of her decision not to undergo this important surgery.
I just need some advice, maybe a kick in the rear if need be. I feel a bit miffed. A bit sad. A bit scared.
I'm sure you all have gone through similar situations. I hope I don't sound like a selfish person. But but but... :(