Feeling very alone and so tired of my house smelling like urine.
I have been caring for my 80-year old dad for two years now and he has lived with me for the past year. I was born the oldest of 5...I have two brothers and one sister still living. My mother is also still alive and ten years younger than my dad but having her own health issues and my parents have been estranged for years. ALL of my father's care has fallen on me, for some reason. He was living with my sister and her family for the first four months after we moved him back from Florida, when she decided she couldn't take it anymore. I take care of his finances, deal with his health aides and agencies, monitor his medications, change his sheets, wash his clothes, make him breakfast, lunch and dinner. I take him to church and for haircuts and anywhere else he needs to go. On top of all that, I am a single mom to twin 10-year olds and I work full-time. I have begged and pleaded and cried for help and, although I get sympathy, it never jolts anyone into action. I am also dealing with a court battle with my ex and my daughter is having surgery next week. I am so tired and depressed. My father was recently in the hospital and a facility for five weeks getting physical therapy...you would think that would give me a break? But no, he expected visits often from me and I was still doing all of his laundry and dealing with the social workers and nurses. He was dead set on coming home before he was ready. He has dementia (we had been calling it aphagia for awhile, but it is full blown dementia now.) He has trouble walking, even with a walker. He does nothing but sleep all day and on the weekends, expect me to wait on him. He is incontinent. Since he came home from the facility on Monday, it is worse than ever. He is having a lot of trouble changing himself. He is soaking everything and my house smells like pee all the time. I wash all his clothes in hot water, no matter what color they are, with extra detergent and scent boosters to get the stench out. It is still nice enough to keep the windows open, but I cannot imagine what my house will smell like once it gets too cold. I have had to shower him because I am still waiting for the aide service to get put in place since they evaluated him on Tuesday and the facility didn't bath him before he came home. Even when I leave the house, all I can smell is pee. It is disgusting, I am tired, and I am getting to my breaking point. He belongs in a long-term care facility, but no one has the guts to tell him that and I am afraid if I do, he will turn on me. I am the only friend he has left...everyone else has pretty much given up on him. He is not an easy man to deal with and feels he is somehow entitled to my services. He actually had the nerve to say to me (when we were discussing my court battle with my ex and I threatened to quit my job) that I could quit my job and take care of him. WTF! Because I am not doing that already? Seriously, at my breaking point. Venting is over.