Feel so guilty, cancer diagnosis.

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I have been on this wonderful forum a few times, and so baby of you gave been such blessings. I gave both parents who remain at home, and are ill: one with progressive supra nuclear palsy and wheelchair bound, the other with MS. They have a few good neighbors and an aid ( finally) that only dues s few tasks around the house. They live almost 2 hours away..... We have been trying for over 3 years to do medical appointments, and care on weekends.... Grocery shopping and the like. They could really use a full time person, but do not want that.
I was just diagnosed with breast cancer. We are still reeling from the diagnosis....we see all the doctors involved in the 17th to discuss how treatment will proceed.
I am so worried I will not be in place to help care for them....

6 Comments

I would put your own medical care as a priority right now. I wasn't familiar with progressive supra nuclear palsy, but did look it up. How long since one of them was diagnosed with this? With the prognosis for that illness, I would think they would want to make arrangements for their own care. The parent with MS has to be under great stress. If they are resisting help, in light of their conditions, I'm not sure what I would do. I think I would focus on my health and cancer situation and try to get some other person whether family or friend to convey the seriousness of the situation.

They obviously need either in house care or a facility. Hopefully the doctor will be blunt. If they refuse to accept help, knowing the stress that will put on you, it would tell me they are not using good judgment. But, I would focus on your own heath. Try to let go of their situation and think healing thoughts. Anxiety is terrible for the body. You need rest, peace and calm. See what you doctor can prescribe to help you through this. I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I wish you all the best in your recovery.
Oh, I would also be blunt with them. I would say, I love you both, but I can't help with your care for a while. I am not available to help you now. You'll either get the help yourself or allow me to arrange it with an outside agency. But, I have to focus on my medical situation. Don't fight me on this...........I wish you luck.
Sunnygirl1, as I mentioned, it has been 3 years of both of them in poor health. It has berm hard...I have no other family, and it is only me, my fiancé and my 15 year old son.
I know msny others here suffer with so much day to day.... But we did try to get them years ago to move closer. They refused.
They fought me for yearsvhustbto get someone else in to do some light house cleaning , cooking, etc. I have an aunt who lives states away that mentioned to them one time, 'what will happen if Yoyr daughter runs herself in the ground and is bit in place any more?'
The anxiety about them even before the cancer diagnosis was ongoing- now it is frightening.
Sorry about the typos- it is hard to proofread on the phone
I am going to be blunt, if you end up incapacitated or dead from this cancer then they will have to find a way to fend for themselves, and they will. At least for now they have you to help make alternate arrangements for them. You feel guilty for getting sick? Like you chose this or did it on purpose to inconvenience them? It is time to put you first for a change.
Have they discussed the prognosis for patients with progressive supra nuclear palsy with you? From my reading, it said it was terminal and they even listed the timeline. Are they ignoring that information?

Perhaps a frank discussion with their doctor will help. If the doctor knows your situation and what you CANNOT do, and he knows their conditions and what they cannot do, then, maybe he will file with the Adult Protective Services.Depending on the laws in their state, they will do an investigation and if they find grounds, appoint a guardian. Since you can't do it, they will appoint someone from their list of approved people. The guardian will then make the decisions regarding their care, housing, etc. I might even ask their doctor to do it. I would stay back and let them resolve it. You can visit them, when your health permits.

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