I feel sad for my Mom.

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I feel sad today. We had dinner with Mom at the Independent Living facility. She has been there over 8 years and up until six months ago she did nothing but complain - constantly. She was so negative we, and others hated to be around her. (This place is wonderful, the people are wonderful, the activities terrific and the food is great. In short, there was never anything to complain about.) She will be 100, and is quite healthy, motivates on her own, no meds, etc. But she has moderate alzheimers and is becoming very very forgetful and confused. The doctor and facility say she must move and won't renew her lease. We're ok with that because we knew she was slipping and needs help. We have tried for years to convince her to move to assisted living and she has always refused - adamantly. Now she has to move (doesn't know it yet, we won't tell her until there is a room in AL available.) What makes me so sad - NOW she talks about how much she likes it there, seems more content and she has friends and people she eats with every night. (before, she wasted more than half her meal tickets, staying in her apt heating tv dinners and avoiding participating) Now she can't remember how to use the microwave, so she's been eating in the restaurant. It makes me sad - now she is happy, now she likes it, and now we have to move her and she will be devastated and unhappy again. And there is nothing we can do to make it better for her. At her age I worry about what the shock will do to her, even if the doctor puts her on tranquilizers. You can't reason with people with dementia or alzheimers. She spent half her life being unhappy until now, and when she is finally content I'm afraid turning her world upside down is going to cause her to give up. Sometimes life is so unfair!

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Yes, it is sad. And it can't be helped. It is what it is, and that is sad.

Don't get too attached to predictions about her reactions. She is in a different stage of dementia now, and possibly more predisposed to like things.
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Thanks ba8alou, I know its true. We should have forced her to move a few years ago when she would have been able to adjust more easily, and would have had friends and been comfortable there by now. My sibling refused to support me on this, and she refused to move and at the time the doctor wouldn't help. Yes, its on them, not me, that the adjustment will be more devastating and Mom will probably not live long after we move her. But, I still feel sad that we will see her go through this.
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Amy, she may have reached a "stage of contentment" where she notices the stuff that pleases her. Yes, the shock of moving may cause a decline, but that can't be helped, unless she can stay in IL with extra help brought in.

you need to remember that the Alzheimers is not your fault, and neither is the fact that she wouldn't move sooner, when she might have adjusted better. Wishing you well!
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