I feel more like my wife's father, than her husband.

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It's like I'm setting all the rules. I miss talking about movies, TV, plays, etc. she can't I irritate anything. I spend my life making plans for her. Frankly, I'd like to meet a woman in the same situation to relate to. Everyone I meet at support groups is caring for an elderly parent or a much older spouse. They have a whole different set up problems.


I am caring for my husband who has Alz. and is 10 years older than me. I am also caretaker for his brother, my brother-in-law, who is in a nursing home. I have to show my husband how to do everything. And we make trips to the nursing home twice a week to see his brother. Bill can't carry on a conversation anymore as his vocabulary has shrunken quite a bit. And his brother Dave, can just about whisper to be heard. It is so difficult trying to communicate. When I talk to my husband he doesn't understand most of the time. HE used to fix computers for IBM. Now he doesn't even know what a screwdriver is called. I miss talking to my husband and feeling an emotional tie with him. I have retired to care for both men. I taught elementary school for 43 years. And I loved it.
Papillon, first let me tell you that I can relate to your situation. I took care of my husband - who didn't even remember that I was his wife. You don't mention your wife's illness and how much supervision she needs. Without further information it is difficult to give you advice.
Perhaps u have been switched to a spouse to a house&being a dad..doin things she wants. sorri to hear that. guess it changed for u in a man&woman relationship.
You probably already know ..so if u decided which role that U need to be in.
Your spouses are gone. And it so happens that you've been landed with a new job, namely overseeing the care of a new person. So yes, you don't have the same spouse role that you had before, you're right.

That's a huge lot of loss and change for you to absorb. I'm so sorry it is that way.

Please don't forget that you get to look after yourselves, too. For example, I didn't say your new job was caring for a new person, it's overseeing the care of a new person. In other words, get as much help as you can, and use whatever time and energy that frees up to enrich your own life. Otherwise you can't keep up this new job, this new role you are playing. It has to be part of the totality of your life, and you have to look after the totality of your life.
Your relationship has switched from spouse to primary caregiver. I would seek out a support group for caregivers. There are lots of spouses rendering care and most are seniors. The adult caregivers normally jump in when the one parent dies or is no longer physically able to render care for the most needy spouse. The active spouse (regardless of age) will likely share many of your same issues and frustrations.
I wish you well as you continue along the path of the primary caregiver, although you may feel alone in your age bracket many spouses are facing the same problem as health issues don't only occur in the marriages of seniors.

My father was widowed at 55 yrs after a faced paced yr of primary caregiving. He eventually dealt with this loss but it is difficult for men to readjust if they had a happy marriage and their spouse was their best friend.

Take care. You are not alone in your mission, try to find some time for yourself so you can avoid burn out.

My husband is only in stage two Parkinson's. He was finally diagnosed about a month ago. In a way, it was a relief to know what has been going on with him for a long time. At this point, he is still driving and working one day a month as a pharmacist from which he's retiring the end of Aug. He mumbles and gets upset when I ask him to repeat something and wants me to get my ears checked. He also has a lot of nausea when he won't eat for two days at a time. This happens at least every ten days. How can I make sure he is getting the proper nutrition? He forgets things and prefers to spend his time reading or on his computer. Should I insist he spend time with me instead? Does anyone know how much time I have before he gets worse?
Well now you have met someone that is in your shoes, I am a wife (68) caring for a husband with Alzheimer's, I too am the director of everything now as he can not even change a light bulb. I love him dearly but sure miss the intellectual conversation, the fun things we have done & basically life itself. I too find more members on this forum that ate caring for Mom or Dad, but I have found some just like us, kind if think the Forum should separate the two groups sure would make it easier for us, don't get me wrong, I cherish all the ideas & help here!
Excuse my iPhone typos not enough space to see what it has changed on me, like ate should be are, etc
I too care for a spouse.. I just finally posted after lurking for awhile! A separate forum would be great for spouses.
I, too, am a spouse caring for my husband with Alzheimer's type dementia (is how his doctor terms it). I am 61, he is 66. I have grieved the loss of a husband and now accept this new person who does not resemble my husband in any way. (Took a couple of years) I am at peace with this overall situation now, but still find the daily frustrations and hardships it creates hard to bear at times. I have to work full time and take care of the household as well as care for him, which, I know cannot go on for too much longer. One deep frustration and challenge is that some days (or even hours)he acts like he is in a more advanced stage of the disease than he might act the next. It is always a walk on eggshells to try to anticipate what he will remember and has the ability to do and what on that day he may not. He gets angry when I assume he cannot do something and he thinks he can. Other times I can end up with a small disaster because I incorrectly think he is still capable of doing or remembering something. I ,myself, still have irrational moments when I doubt he could really have this disease, only to hear or see him do something the next moment that literally shocks me back to reality. It would be great to have a separate forum for spouses caring for spouses. I also agree, that I get things from others too. Welcome to our world, I think we can all offer great support to each other.

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