I despise my sister and my father at this moment, my sister does nothing and gets paid to do it, while they live here in my house I do everything and get nothing but aggravation from my father, who tries to tell me what to do all the time,he is like living with Marie from everybody loves Raymond, if anyone knows that show they will know what I'm talking about, I am so sick of my life, I do everything for them and they dote over my sister, all my father and I do is argue now, and I've just about had it, I feel like just forgetting it and letting them take care of themselves, they won't be around for long if I do that, but I am getting to the point that I am going to have a nervous breakdown and then they will be on their own anyway. I sometimes think about driving into a tree to just end it all.
Why does your sister live with you? And who pays her?
True, having them in your home is making this tough. However, it's also true that you have to start the changes. They are freeloading on you and treating you poorly. There's no reason that anyone should have to put up with that.
If your father really needs to be taken care of you can call social services and talk to them about his needs. If your sister is that ill, then she also needs care from social services.
Mostly, I think that you need support to start taking the action you need to free yourself from this bondage. Do you have a church or other group where you can talk to a leader about local agencies that can help you take the steps to change this situation? If not, call social services for yourself or call the local hotline and tell them you are desperate. They may be able to start the ball rolling.
You aren't a weak person. We all find ourselves overwhelmed at times. That's when we need support. Please try these agencies and find someone local who will listen to you about this situation and help you take steps to change it.
Please keep us posted as you travel the journey. We're here to cheer you on.
Carol
She is now 96, her cognitive function is not terrific. But I can tell you the greatest hurdle she has had to overcome is the loss of independence. The greatest hurdle for me has been healing those wounds of being the "black sheep" of the family.
It is a process. One that I learned how to allow healing, feel what is felt, discuss the transition of her life with my grams. And I have had to ask for help from her sons. I have had my fair share of temper tantrums and tears.
My grams and I are so much alike it is terrifying. I see myself in her and vice versa. It is something we are coming to terms with.
I could not do it without being honest with myself and her, as well as her sons. I had to learn to allow my emotions and to let others have theirs. This is not a done deal. I am still in the process.
All I can say is be honest with self first, claim your life. Then get honest with them. I leave the room when grams starts in. I refuse to participate. It takes great effort and owning my feelings.
I hope you find your way, it is not easy. I had to let go of previous family members including my sons, because they are hateful and toxic. I grieved the loss and put them in God's hands. They have a choice and so do I. They made their's.
Bless you.
Take care,
Carol