I feel like a failure.
My mother is 78, she has neuropathy and has fallen 3 times in the last year, some confusion (not determined to be dementia) high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, hoarding, incontinent, edema in legs, arthritis, depression, TIA x2, chronic kidney disease stage 3, vertigo, and a list of other things. I am her caregiver and I am also a CNA and work 40+ hours in a facility. I am having a lot of my own health issues, that I think may be related to the stress of caring for her. My husband and grown children say I need to put her in either an assisted living or long term care. I have told them I can't unless she has a fall or gets hospitalized. I signed on for this when she turned over her house to me and my husband 20 years ago. I have a sister and brother that I do not get any help from. I do not love my mother and am emotionally unattached, but she is my mother and lives with me. She can be very negative. I take her to all her appointments, and miss sleep because of this, she waits until I am leaving for work, I work 3-11, to tell me if she is having any problems. I have asked her to tell me sooner so I can make any calls I need, but it is always as I am walking out the door. She did it to me today and I ended up missing a day of work to take her to the doctor. I am so stressed over her and it is taking a toll on my health. I am so depressed, I am having issues with my heart (going to cardiologist), fibromyalgia, IBS, and so on. I do not know how to even start the conversation with her that I cant take care of her anymore, I have told her I am afraid every night on my way home, that I am going to find her on the floor, she just laughs it off. She does nothing around the house except make a mess then leave it for me to clean up. Recently she was not happy with me because I cleaned out her bedroom and told her this hoarding can not continue, she says I dont understand those are her things and she needs them, I said you dont understand....if something happens to you and I need emergency personnel to come and help, they need to be able to get to you. she says yeah I know and laughs or starts crying. She knows if she starts crying that it really bothers me. She is and always has been a great manipulator. I promised I would take care of her until it came to a point where I couldnt, but I am not sure it has come to that yet, she does still get around with a walker, but is unsteady. She does not shower, she washes her hair in the sink and uses a washcloth on her body. I have tried to get her to shower but she refuses. I feel like no matter what I do its not good enough, I am trying to please her, my husband, and everyone else, but me. I can not show any affection to her and that bothers me, because I love all my residents and constantly give and get hugs, I have never been able to hug her and will never be able to. I have been told I am in denial about what I need to do....I guess I could be but I just dont know.