My family moved in with my mom two years ago to care for her. I have two small kids and a husband. I feel guilty for not spending all my time with my mom.

Thank you so very much! she does get changed often it's just getting her out of the bed some days can be a terror. I know she wants to stay in her home to die and not go to a home. However, she gets so mad and tells me We have to move(sometimes infront of my 3&6 year old)she will not do as i ask when i ask and that may seem selfish but she needs to take her 27 medicines and her 4 nebulizer treatments the same everyday. she comes home from the hospital and begines her routine and then she begins to fail and get sicker and weaker. I told her today (god forgive me) that in a nursing home she would be kept on schedule and that is what she needs to do. she just made it clear we would have to move. she feel last night trying to get from the t.v. to bed and i have to call an ambulance to get her up. I have no patience left and i just feel like running away! Lol.....noone seems to understand how much mom can pee....lol Only the hospital has witnessed this and put her on a cathiter right away. Don't mind me I have so much on my mind i can't keep strait one subject or another. i just wanted to say thanks and now i'm rammbling...sorry and thanks again.

Shnasta: I copied and pasted a "NOVEL" for you on changing elderly diapers. It's important they remain as dry as possible to avoid skin rashes or bed soars.

Here's the info, sorry it's so long:

How to Change Elderly Diapers
Contributor
By Jennifer S. Wright

Promptly changing wet or soiled diapers decreases the chance of a person developing a skin rash or skin breakdown. A diaper change is also a chance for a caregiver to inspect the person's skin for any problem areas. Depending on the level of the person's mobility, it may require two people to change the person's diaper. Changing an adult's diaper is difficult, but certain steps can ensure the diaper change goes smoothly for both the person and the changer.

Difficulty: Moderately EasyInstructionsThings You'll Need:
Gloves
Blue pad or towel
Moistened wipes
Perineal spray
Wet washcloth
Powder
Moisture barrier cream
Adult diaper

Step 1Provide privacy and instruct the person to lie on his back. Gather supplies and don a pair of gloves.

Step 2Place a blue pad or towel under the person's buttocks. If the person is unable to lift his buttocks so you can slide the blue pad under him, push the pad under the person's buttocks as far as you can without making the person uncomfortable. This is an optional step to decrease the chance of a mess.

Step 3Peel back the adhesive fasteners on the soiled diaper. Fold the fasteners down so the sticky side adheres to itself. Fold the top portion of the diaper into itself so the soiled portion is covered by the outside of the diaper.

Step 4Assist the person to roll to one side. Fold the exposed part of the diaper into itself so the soiled inside of the diaper is covered by the cleaner outside of the diaper.

Step 5Clean the exposed portion of the person's buttocks and genitals with moistened wipes or a perineal spray and wet washcloth. The person can bend the knee of his top leg and move the leg up slightly so you have better access to clean his genitals and buttocks. If the person is a female, remember to clean her vaginal area beginning at the front and moving toward the buttocks.

Step 6Apply optional powder or moisture barrier cream to the person's genitals or buttocks.

Step 7Tuck half of the new adult diaper under the soiled diaper. Make sure you leave enough of the clean diaper to cover the visible portion of the person's buttocks.

Step 8Pull the folded soiled diaper out from under him and dispose of the diaper in the trash. Unroll the tucked portion of the new diaper.

Step 9Assist the person to lie on his back. Clean any areas of the genitals that may have been missed earlier. Make sure the diaper is even on both sides of the person's body.

Step 10Pull the front portion of the diaper between the person's legs. Fasten the adhesive fasteners on each side to the front portion of the diaper.

Step 11Remove the blue pad or towel. Remove and dispose of the gloves. Wash your hands with soap and water.

Shnasta---Ditto to everything Pamela said to you. Please don't ever feel guilty---You are doing the best you can, and yes your children come first, along with your husband. I agree with that. My Mom died a year and a half ago and she had congestive heart failure, emphysema, and eventually lung cancer too, all at the same time. One important lesson I have learned along the way, as I have cared for my elderly parents, is to take care of myself too. Because if we become ill due to stress or lack of sleep, etc., we are not able to care for our parents. So find ways to nurture yourself, and take some time for yourself. See if you can get some kind of help in the home with your Mom. It sounds like she is getting weaker, due to her illnesses. I saw this happen with my Mom. My Mom also would say things to me that hurt, or weren't reasonable, and I had to learn to let them go, and say to myself that Mom wan't feeling well and wasn't like her old self anymore. She was doing the best she could too. You are a great, loving daughter to your Mom!

Would you believe... she wears depends and i have a plastic sheet and pads. She urinates so much it goes all over. it runs down the bed to the boxspring and floor and the blankets are soaked! Half the time i cannot get her to get out of bed...so she lays in urine all day. I just wanted to say thank you for saying that my children come first. I have been feeling so guilty and mean for telling her i have to go do (whatever it is) for the kids. Once i told her i was serving the kids corn on the cob and she would have to wait a minute for hers and she refused to eat any then. Just when i think i cannt handle my life I come here and read about other people and see it can get worse and there are many angels in this world. With only 24 hours in a day..I am finding it so hard to do for my kids,mom,mother-in-law,father-in-law (both very sick) and my hubby and oh ....i never do anything for myself. i'm way to tired! We'll my oldest son's school has invited me and all the mom's out for a brunh! I'm going! thanks for listening to me drone on and on........Ü

I read your profile about your mom wetting the bed. I think it's time you start buying depends. They come in S/M/L and ave very good for absorbancy (forgive my spelling). Also you can get a bed cover that keeps the sheets dry so that you won't have to change those everytime she goes. You can also buy the paper ones that are green plastic on one side and cotton on the other. Place the green side up, with the cotton side down if you choose to purchase those.

Hold on there. Don't feel guilty first off. We do not ask for this and never know when it will come on. This is something that is not foreseen and we make no arrangements. If we could see into the future it would be different but we can't.

Your children do come first and when you have activities with them, they are the priority. Don't think otherwise. Caregiving is a hard, long journey and noone does not ger overwhelmed. That is why we are all here. We're so drained, yet we lean on one another for support, guidance, advice, and even laughter.

Seeing as though you leave your mom at home sometimes, is there someone that you can call in to be there with her for some relief when you are gone? Has she applied for Medical? or have you checked with the Dept of Aging in your area for assistance.

About that deadbeat doctor, how far is he from you cause you may have to pay him a visit and demand your questions be answered. Or you can always call the Administration and let them know that he doesn't return your calls. I never had that problem with my moms doctor. She had his personal phone number, never would tell me where she got it, and even when he asked, she never gave it up. He's been her doctor for about 15 years. When my mom had her stroke (she's 90) he told us to start making plans for 24 hour care and to think about putting her in a home.

Does your mom have friends that could come and sit with her?

Hang in there, you will find this site to be a wonderful place where you can vent, scream, voice your concerns, learn and laugh. It has been a tremendous help for me and frankly I don't know what I would have done had I not found it.

Please don't feel alone as we are all in the same boat.

Pam

My husband helps out yes. however.. His mother has been in and out of the hospital and so has his father. We have a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Three very sick parents and two small kids. My mom is getting worse every second. (not sure why dr. hasn't put her on hospice care) the worst part at this moment anyway,is her dr. never calls back! I have called regarding medicines i'm nnot sure if she should still be on and some perscritions for things she is out of. Can't seem to catch a break! I have to take care of my children! they have to get to school and other functions and it would be nice to spend some time having fun with them. Feel guilty not spending every minute helping my mom. I feel strongly my kids have to come first. 3 and 6..they need there mom! I want to watch them grow up. Feel awful telling mom i have to leave to do "whatever it is" for my kids and won't be home for x amount of time. Just don'y know where my loyalties lie. Guilty!!!

This must be very hard on you. Does your husband help too?