I'm fed up with looking after father in law with little support.
Five years ago my husband and two children moved back to the area where my husband grew up. His elderly, disabled (has mobility problems) father and one of his sisters still lived there with her family. We stayed in the family home where his dad was still living with the intention of buying a place. Basically to cut a long story short, his dad became ill, we ended up buying his two sisters out of the house as he had signed it over to the three children and settling down to start our new life while looking after his dad too. Well what a mistake!!! We of course had to adapt the house to allow us to live there in our own space. We spent thousands and the plan was to make a granny flat/ divide the house so we could have our own space. Sister in law put a stop to that with her tears, emotional blackmail. You can’t cut him off etc. We wanted to move his dad to another lounge she put a stop to that . So we accepted he would stay there, second largest room in the house. Basically she controls how we run our house. He has carers everyday which bathe, give meds’ etc but we do the rest. He has meals on wheels several times a week and we feed him. He also goes down for food twice a week to his daughter. My husband takes him down, watches them eat and brings him back. Her husband does all the cooking. My husband takes him to the bar twice a week too, including once at the weekend as this is his routine. His sister does his small amount of washing, helps sort out his finances (she picks up his cash), her husband delivers his papers three times a week (we did this all the time until recently) meds and doctors appointments. Though now she wants my husbands assistance with this as she physically can’t do it any more. The demands on me and my husband has grown enormously. It’s been five years and I’ve had enough!! It’s not the dad that’s the issue really. It’s the way they treat us and expect us to do everything as he lives with us. Last week was the final straw. Asked sister in law if she could help support by picking him up on one of the days so my husband could help me with general family life. Said yes to start, then I get the message could she bring food up to the house from now on? The whole point of feeding him at hers is to get him out the house. He can’t drive, he sits in his chair all day, my husband and I work (I’m part time). I asked why?? Is there a problem?? She said no. It’s made me really angry, it’s all right for hubby to do it but when asked for help and it puts her out she doesn’t like it. She’s been really frosty since. And she always palms it off on to her poor husband. There is another sister who lives away. She comes down every now and again but does nothing. My husband always has to ask for help , never offers. She always stays down the sisters, never here. Just pops up, doesn’t do anything to assist, totally oblivious. When I tell her how hard it is she just gets emotional and cries!!! When she does come down she often goes up to visit friends and never puts herself out. Went away with my children to visit family last weekend. Husband stayed behind to help look after dad. Two sisters went off for the weekend, just left husband to do it all. Brought up lunch in the evening as it disrupted there plans to do it in the day time when he normally has it. They also go away together with out inviting us and children. It’s as if we don’t exist!! All went off to celebrate my nieces birthday. We didn’t get invited. It happens all the time. I’ve tried to be strong, kind and do the right thing but I now feel very angry and I hate them. I never used to be like this. They always make me feel gulity as if ive done something wrong. We get $60 a month off his dad, used to be $40. We pay all the bills, shopping. It’s not much but he still has needs. He does pay for his care. He is loaded!!! But it seems the sister is trying to protect the money. I speak to my husband but it’s as if he’s afraid. When he spoke to the other sister about what she doesn’t do her husband basically threatened him about upsetting her. I’m ready to give up. So upset especially for my family. My children are lovely, beautiful and busy. But the dad is like having a baby in the house. He can’t do anything for himself really. He falls easily, can’t cook, clean. He can just about feed and toilet himself and he’s deaf. I do feel sorry for him but as long as he’s fed and watered he’s happy. But he doesn’t get how we are being treated. His sister says he would be distraught to see us arguing. She promised her Mum she would look after the dad. When we had burnout a few years ago she said if she could she would look after the dad but she can’t as she doesn’t have the facilities. So angry and down and afraid. If I had the money I would walk away now!!!!