Father only wants my help.
Hi, my father is 57 with a spinal cord injury. He lives outside of town in a rental. He has one morning aide. My youngest brother (23) and i have tried for the last several years to help. I work during the day and go out to my dads at night to cook dinner and help him to bed. i did this for 3 years and wore out. Nothing is good enough. There are tons of house things to do and he needs exercise but i'm too tired to do it. I also write the checks for him and his mom for the last 3 years. I stopped going out last year. Gave him notice and went back to school at night. I suggested for 3 years of hiring somebody. He gets state funds for home health aides, has one for the morning but then uses the $ for other things instead of hiring a night person. He tells me he doesn't have the energy to interview or write an ad. I told him i'd help, but still no. His van is falling apart that has the lift in it, but he wants to buy a motor home instead. He thinks i'm selfish for having a life. I go out about once a week for a visit and to help do a few small things. His mom - my gma - up until 2 months ago - he was helping so i was helping too fill out all her medicare paperwork and pay bills. She passed and now he wants to sue the doctors. So he puts himself to bed at night and doesn't complain but i can see its taking its toll. He can make all his own decision so i feel frustrated that i can't do anything to change things b/c he's able minded. I'm been in therapy for a year now. I'm getting better boundries, but it hurts when i know he's suffering. I make suggestions - but overall he doesn't want to change - just wants my brother and i to do what he wants.