My father is psychotic and taking care of him is making me ill.

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Recently the past month or so my father has become obsessed with thinking my mom cheated on him 50 years ago. My mom is a strict Christian and never been 38th anyone but my dad. He also thinks she slept around with a bunch of men from his work...50 years ago. He thinks an old coworker has been sneaking in the house and writing his name on papers. (its my dads hanswriting) This isn't just dementia. When I was a child we moved from miami because kids were following him, damaging things...same thing in sebastian. He was better for about 8 years then it all started up in Gainesville. Acused my uncle of scratching his sculpture and my mom wasn't allowed to see her sister the past 10 years. I arranged for them to meet last year as they're in their 70s and it would break my heart if they never reunited. We had a home nurse visit but finally had them stop when he started yelling them lies about us. We steal his pills. I'm a bad mother. I don't take care of my daughter. Who I homeschool and do above and beyond...The thing is I can take him calling me a nothing, a nobody, a piece of shit and probably not even his. I've been dealing with him all of my life. I've been back home for 3 years now. I promised my mom I wouldn't leave her alone. Although I am crying my eyes out right now. I want to hurt him and that makes me think I need help here. He refuses to go to a dr because I'm crazy and he's perfectly same. But everyday I hear him yelling at my mom shes a who're and a slur and I can't take it anymore!!!! I'm not able to act like a caretaker my emotions are getting in the way.


Are you living in their home?

Is your father seeing any doctors and getting any meds, or would he refuse them? I get the impression this isn't a new development but is reflective of behavior over a much longer period of time. Has he seen a psychiatrist or psychologist?

You might anonymously contact APS and ask them to intervene, with the possibility of getting psychiatric help for him. If he's living in the same house as you, your mother and your child, I think it's time for him to leave.

Your child doesn't deserve to have to be exposed to this situation, nor should she. Not only does she deserve better, but it's very unhealthy for her to see this kind of adult behavior.

In fact, if you voluntarily continue to expose her by living with them, or him, you yourself could be considered neglectful and brought up on charges in a juvenile court.
Well since hes bedridden this is going on in his room. My daughter stays in hers and wears headphones for inline homeschool and minecraft...but she has heard yelling from across the house. Its a pretty big house which helps. I go in there to xlean and give him his meds and gather laundry to wash but the past month i have my mom do more in there. I have a brother who is at home who has some mental issues but he cooks for them. Tje past few weeks hes had me cancel his regular checkup. He had a surgery a month ago for kidney stones. He says he wont go to that checkup either. 8 months ago he spent 2 months in the hospital. Until that time he was a heavy drinker of whiskey. At 84 it was killing him. His dr said he had alcohol induced dementia. I visited him every day and checked him out of the nusing home early due to neglect. While there he got ecoli poisoning and had to go back to tne hospital that night. The main reason my mom wants to take care of him is shes a retired nurse and my sister in law is a nurse a block away. Also the money. My mom and dad saved a lot of money and own their home and my mom is 12 years younger. She doesnt want to spend their savings. He takes a lot of ativan and prozac, but his gome nurse thinks he needs an antipsycotic. Im going to rey to get him to go to the dr...ive been crying all night. The other day he managed to get across the house and opened my door without knocking. When i asked him to knock first he said nobody wants to see that crap anyways. For so long i've been taking care of him with compassion. .but when he hurts my mom i just see red. Why has he always hated me? Im the youngest of 6, i work hard running a jewelry business at home. Im not perfect but i am kind and loving. Its just not enough. Thanks for replying i am so alone tonight.
He has a psycologist for 8 years once dueing one of his good spells. As kids hed make us hide in the woods with walkie talkies to catch the kids. My other family stays away as much as they can. The police came over a few years ago and make him give his guns to my brother because he was making threats. He says he wont interact with my daughter because i wasnt married when i had her, i lived with her dad. Before that i was in a relationship for 10 years. My friend said we could stay there so im seriously considering it until he passes.
If he's bedridden, how on earth did he make it across the house? Can you have him Baker acted?
Wow! You need to get out of there! I feel sorry for your mother and brother.

I think I understand why Mom doesn't want to be left impoverished by paying for Dad to live elsewhere, but that really seems to be the best solution, doesn't it?

Meanwhile, do NOT take to heart any of your dad's insults, and do use this opportunity to teach your daughter about mental illness. He is not in his right mind when he says these things.
He has been working with a physical therapist for six months. He just got a rolling walker and makes it out of his room once or twice a week. He usually cant even make it out of bed rhough. I had a talk with his dr. And convinced him to go to the dr today and got him on seroquel. Its an antipsycotic and i'm hopeful this will help. We had a nice ride to the dr. just me and him. When he brought up the man he rhinks is stalking him I tried to tell him his mind is playing tricks on him. I don't know what the right thing to say is...Thats how I found this sight, looking up the answer. After crying my eyes out the past few nights i feel refreshed and ready to get him help. He honestly doesn't even remember 90% of what he says and I have to remember that. My mom has beginning stage dementia, I can't leave her. My daughter understands what's going on, she is so advanced for her 9 years. Her heart is big and I am a fierce momma bear. I won't let anyone hurt her.
It sounds like you have so many personality problems rolled into one person. I know that the alcohol made it worse. I was relieved to read he doesn't have the guns anymore. His paranoia seems pretty serious. Has anyone ever diagnosed him with bipolar disorder or paranoid/schizoid personality disorders? It would be nice if you had some type of handle on what was wrong so you could read about things that could help. Without a definite diagnosis, it is just a guess.

My brother suffered from a mild alcohol-induced dementia that may have been brought on by small strokes. He had hypertension and a bad heart. He imagined the FBI was after him. He was even convinced they sent rats into his hotel room to spy on them. The rats had cameras on their tails that were held up by balloons. Oh, okay. :-) He got upset with me when I didn't believe him. He believed it was true until the day he died. Something you can do if he has paranoid delusions is to just play along with them unless someone would be hurt. You could say you're tending to some problem, e.g. children following him, and have notified police to be on the lookout. However, if he accuses your mother of infidelity, just say "She would never do that, Dad. Don't worry. I know her." That may comfort him. (I know you have to play it by ear.)

I agree with others that this may not be the best environment for your child. I know that sometimes we do what we have to do. I personally would be very tempted to take your friend up on that offer of staying with them for a while. You can still be there for your mother and at the same time taking care of your child. Good luck! It sounds like a mess.
Please speak to his physician. PLEASE let him know your concerns and exactly what is going on. I feel sorry for you, your mom and child(ren)...they deserve a childhood free from all this kind of thing/ I think (personally) that your daughter has seen and heard enough. If this has gotten to the poinr that you feel at times that you want to hurt him, it's gone too far. This is NOT a healthy environment to live. Check into the Baker Act for your dad. Your mental state should not be affected trying to care for someone with an illness such as his. I mean if you had someone with a horrible viral and contagious illness living in your home, would you promise to care for them? You need to take care of this with a quickness. Sounds like he has always had "issues" and it has only become worse with advanced aging. Please at least talk to his primary care doctor. If you don't want to talk to him/her, send them a letter and print off all you mentioned on here. You have been reaching out for help. The medical professionals are there for a reason,,,,use them for the purpose they are intended. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I am NOT just saying that.
Pick up the phone and get him help if you need to. I had to do that for my husband and he was hospitalized and also put in a dementia unit. He is in one right now too! I go through the same thing and its so frustrating! He is in rehab right now and is suppose to come home next week. The police and medical teams were so professional and handled my situation so well. Thank God they did not believe anything he was telling them! Good luck and come next week I will need some too!
Keyslammer i did i posted about it yesterday
Upallnight thank you, i hope you have all the strength you need to get through this with your husband. I know you know how it feels and that makes me sad. Good luck back at you!
Jessiebelle my dad had a ministroke too...his heart kept having to be drained of liquid with a big syringe and his lungs are full of asbestos. He was in the korean war and i think he has ptsd. But the ships back then had asbestos. His esophagus is eroded he gets constand bladder infections and on and on...I can look at how his body reacted from all that liquor and not want to drink at all.

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