Heartache with family and "friends" over father-in-law's embellishing.
My father-in-law doesn't suffer from anything other than high blood pressure and age. The pains and aches and ocassional memory lapse, but basically he is blessed with wonderful health. The problem is his continual mental and verbal abuse to me. I feel that I have handled it very well thus far by being loving but firm. I have tried to tell him that there are options for him such as assisted living if he is not happy here with us, but he refuses to even listen. He eaves drops on my husband and my private conversations (in our bedroom), he sneaks through the house as quiet as a mouse to see what everyone is doing, but when you let him know that you know he is there, or when he sees you watching, he acts very weak and feeble. This is very stressful, but mostly just irritating. We try to give him love and care as well as personal attention, but he wants us to be by his side 24/7. I'm working at home, but my husband works at an outside job. When my husband is gone, my father-in-law verbally abuses me. I have even broken out in tears because of the meanness of his tone and words. My husband is very supportive, and has seen or heard this happen. He tries to talk to his father and reason with him, but of course according to Hue, it's never his fault; he does nothing wrong! My husband and I are working through this by being supportive of one another, venting to one another and spending private time with one another as well as individually. We feel like we can work through this. The problem is now my father-in-law is telling friends and other family members things that are not true. Instead of them calling and talking to one of us, they assume it is true because he twists the truth just enough to sound bad. One friend said she wanted him to come and live with her (she works with hospice in another state), but she would have to have X amount (which is all his SS check) to be able to stay home with him. We left it up to him, making sure he understood the amount, etc. and told him we just wanted him to be happy. He said yes to her at the time because she was really babying him then he said no, he was happy where he was when he found out how much money she wanted. Now this "friend" (she is connected to the family) is saying we talked him out of it and we are greedy. She is spreading lies about us to other family. We take nothing monetary from my father-in-law. We ask him for nothing. He gives us money very sparingly by his own choice, even though we are struggling financially right now. I never ask him for a dime for groceries even though I fix our meals together. My husband helps him with his checking account, bills, etc., but we do not take nor want his money! If he feels to give it to us as gifts from time to time ($25 max) he will bring it up time and time again, holding it over you that he paid for this or that. Now I feel that not even (my husband's) family understand nor believe me. God knows I would never do anything to hurt Hue, I love him... even when there are days I don't like him very much! I don't let him talk abusive to me... I firmly tell him much like I would my own children, not to speak to me like that and try to suggest something constructive for him to do or change the subject. Many times I try to make him laugh or make the situation seem humorous. When he refuses or insists, I say, "Dad, I'm sorry.... I love you.... but please don't talk like you are talking. It hurts me and I don't deserve it. I'm glad to take care of you, but I cannot listen to negative talk. Either we talk positive, uplifting, and encouraging, or you will have to wait until Micky (his son-my husband) gets home. You can explain it to him, maybe he has a different solution." And I go to a different room; mostly my office.