Guilt... My father is going to jail for neglecting my grandma.
I'm lost and unsure how I feel or who to turn to. My dad took care of my grandma for 8 years as her dementia got worse. We begged him to put her in a nursing home, but he wouldn't, because she didn't want to.
It got worse and she forgot everyone but him. I was told my visits stressed her out, and I stopped visiting. Phone calls made her anxious, so he unplugged the phone. I stopped calling. I should have been there. I knew she was alone, but I didn't know the degree of it.
A neighbor called because they hadn't seen her, and she was found covered in feces, naked, dehydrated, half starved, and terrified. She didn't have the strength to walk and couldn't remember a conversation as it was taking place. She was blind and mostly deaf.
He was arrested (but posted bail) and we found out and did the best we could. We got guardianship. I stayed with her in the hospital. We found a nursing home for her and talked to doctors and therapists and did everything we could.
I was the only one who could calm her down. She yelled for him and screamed for us to not leave her, but he couldn't see her because of the no contact order. She was so scared. She loved to eat, and gained over 20 lbs. she fell in the nursing home and ended up back in the hospital and I didn't leave her side except for to search for hours and hours for a better nursing home. We found it, and it became her home. I visited her and laughed with her and held her hand, but not nearly enough. I spoke with doctors and nurses and participated in her care plan. I did my best, but it would never be enough to make up for what happened.
Then she got sick, and we made the decision to not treat her. She no longer even enjoyed eating. The one thing she had left. I signed papers and sat with her and cried and talked to her. I laid beside her on her hospital bed when she turned an awful yellow, gasped, and her heart slowly stopped.
Now I am racked with unbelievable guilt, anger, sadness, pity, and everything in between.
My dad has pretrial hearings once a month and each time I wait for him to go back to jail (we had to turn him in for financial exploitation, because we swore under oath that we would do so if we found that he had taken any money... So a new charge has been added and they have asked to raise his bail. If the continuances and attorney changes etc ever stop and the bail is raised, he'll go to jail again unless he can post the increased amount.)
I don't know if I am mad at him, hurt by him, guilty that I didn't do more to help him. I don't know if he's evil or if he was so overwhelmed he couldn't cope or what. I don't know anything anymore, and there aren't any support groups for "my dad left my grandma covered in feces, terrified and alone and now he's going to jail and I don't know how I feel about that."