My family and friends don't understand why I'm sad and anxious watching mom's gradual decline.

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I have been living with and caring for my mom who is 88. I am filled with sadness and anxiety watching her gradual decline. My family and friends do not understand my feelings and are telling me I am focusing on the negative. I find it hard to be positive about my once active mom who is tired, takes naps during the day and has a hard time walking down stairs. How can I get away from this sadness and enjoy what I have. It is very hard for me. Do any of you feel this way, and remember I am living with her and very close to her. Thank You

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Wow I felt like I was the only person in the world going thru this. The sadness is is taking over my life. My mom who is my world is in a nursing home recovering from pnemonia. As of yesterday we made the decision to have her stay long term. I took care of her for 5 years in her home. I know its the best decision for her but its awful. Everyday is when do u think I can go back home? She has dementia and it breaks my heart to know she will never go back home. I am so sad. And I get so anxious every time I see her. I miss my mom!!!!!
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loveme123, You and I share a very similar life right now. My mother is 83, beddridden, on a feeding tube and has some dementia. I did not want her in a nursing home either, because I had to put my daddy there after he became sick six weeks after my mother was diagnosed with leukemia. Every nursing home I know anything about in our area is horrible!! The mistakes they make kill people. However, I have had my mother at home for over six years now and the stress is taking its toll on me and my family. I wouldnt change my decision but it is so very hard to watch your mother become your child. I sit and watch her and think of the days when she was younger and see now how wonderful it was to have her healthy and alive. It makes me very depressed and I cry so for her. She doesnt deserve to have to live her last days in a diaper and completely dependent. It breaks my heart and I am forever changed by it and by losing my daddy in the midst of all the pain and sorrow. I truly know how you feel and wish I had the answer for all of us in this situation. It has really taxed all my beliefs about God and the faith I had. I just try to take it one day at a time. I think my faith is still there it is just hard to find sometimes. Some divine entity has to be there or I couldnt have made it this far. Hang in there, try to find your faith, and love her while you have her with you.
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I been taking care of my 83 year old mother for one and half years - I quit my job because I did not like the nursing home. She is bedridden on a feeding tube and have dementia. It is sad seeing her decline, but she is suppose to be here therefore I enjoy what I have because I know it will come a day where I will not be able to hug here and that is sadder.
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My father justed turned 87 and has been in a steady decline for some time. He is now almost entirely deaf and blind, and his memory has rapidly declined since a fall down a flight of stairs in August. It is heart-breaking to hear him ask the same question over and over, or tell me something that he just told me fifteen minutes before. Unfortunately, I am shedding a lot of tears lately, but the frustration and sadness is overwhelming. I sense we don't have that much time left, and I am trying to enjoy the positives, but the fact remains his decline is rapidly increasing. I truly understand your frustration and sadness. Thank you for sharing.
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Tonight, I went bowling and became completely absorbed in that for an hour and a half. It was a great break from not only caregiving, but everything else as a whole that is on my plate!
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september21,

Medications cannot mend a broken heart but they can help with your anxiety and depression. It normally takes about 2 weeks for these medicines to work. Your overall lack of enjoyment in life as a whole is a very clear sign of depression.

While my mother has not said it, I can see the signs that she is giving up. The stress of all of this is playing havoc with my Bipolar II (the depressive kind). However, I do have other things that I can chose to focus on which is not always easy. I'm an only child and my mother was a single mom who basically absorbed me into herself to meet her own emotional needs. Thus, there has been a very strong sense of connection there which I'm working through with the help of my therapist.

Medicine works best when combined with talk therapy as well and I suggest this for both yourself and for momneedshelp. As adults, we must have a life and the ability to find happiness in life apart from our parents as seperate unique persons.
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Thank you momneedshelp for your feedback. It is sad to say that I do not feel enjoyment anymore when I am with her. All I feel is sadness and anxiety and want so much to feel happy that she is healthy and can care for herself. I no longer feel happiness when I am home or when I am out. I have a deep love for her so maybe this is the reason I'm unable to handle my sadness. I saw a psychiatrist last week who is trying some new medications but truthfully I don't feel that any pill can help me. No pill can mend a broken heart.
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I can truly relate to you and your feelings about your mother. I to feel those feelings I see my mother decline all the time. I see the stress on her face and it makes me cry. I do not know how to be happy anymore. She has always been my life. I don't know how to stop feeling so bad.
She recently hurt her back trying to care for my father who hasn't treated her like he should. She tells me she is giving up. I don't know what to do the dark cloud follows me too. Your not alone I love my mother so much that it hurts me so.
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I hope you reported that bad CNA. My brother in law does that and he stays with the same person every day of the week. He's on time also.

My mother and step-dad made the mistake of hiring a person privately instead of with a bonded organization which her long term home-builder care rider on her long term health care would have paid 80% for. They ended up loosing around $12,000 via check fraud of which $8,000 was regained by the bank.

I wish that my mother had let me know about her long term health care several years ago when she bought it in 1996 so that I would have known then what it covered. It is helping with her nursing home,but that's only becase I found it in a drawer.
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We have home health and they provide an rn to come once a month to change her feeding tube and to do anything ordered by her doctor(bklood tests, urinalysis, etc.) They will also send a cna to bathe her every other day. I stopped the cna from coming months ago because they never come on any schedule. It might be 9am one day, 2pm another day, etc. If my mother has had a bad night, Idont want ANYONE to wake her or me up at 9am! Besides they weren't doing a very good job, just a fast job! My mother falls thru the cracks for any other help.
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