Family conflict about power of attorney.

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My Brother is going into a nursing home and he needs to have a D..P.O.A and my sister that he was living wth want me to be on with her...But it seems my our family doesnt want me on because of what they THINK i did to our dad in regards to his money that they seemed to think he had alot OF..They have it all wrong but you cant tell them nothing they really think i spent all their inheritance and the bad part of it , they didnt deserve it even if they did get some, they didnt want to help me they drop everything in my lap when they went on with their lives, i put my life on hold for 5 yrs cuz i choosed to take care of dad and surely they all agreed it wasnt sweat of their backs, but when that time came for my dad to go on..OH BOY their hands were all stuck out but it came up empty so if you read my stories back you can read what they did to me and didnt accomplisehd anything, but my sister called me and ask me to help with our brother, others were frantic telling her dont let her handlel no money etc etc.im like......no you guys didnt say that while you guys are standing on the side line ..i back off when all this come about with my brother because i KNEW this would come up so...a few days later she called me and i told her i can tell you what you can do and she said NO i want you on here with me, at first i said no because i don't want to get involved," i will help you" i told her and she said "NO PLEASE" she doesnt care what the others say she has to act now on this because our 'tbrother needs help bad in all fields. I really don't want to do this but i know how it feels todo it all by urself and turn around and get ------ on and with her she is so small and petitie they will chew her up and spit her out if she messed up she is not as strong as me cause i told them all to go to ---and didnt blink either...

19 Comments

It is not up to you or your sister who is your brother's DPOA. It is up to your brother. What does he want?

Frankly, if I were you, I'd just say No. But I don't know the nature of your relationship with this particular brother or with the sister that needs your help. But given how dysfunctional your family is, I sure don't know why you would want to sign on for more grief.
no he appointed my sister but its best to have two.thats what she was asking me to do he said it was ok but the others just flipped about it..but i don't want the job
Most people think it is a mistake to have more than one person named POA. Having one and a backup is what is typically recommended. When you have 2 people or 3 people they both/all have to agree before anything gets done and that can be a real obstacle to progress.

In any case, you don't want the job so just say No.

(What a strange family you have! How did you turn out so normal?)
well its not a strange family its a greed thing is what they want and theres alot of them kind out there ....and if one cant deal with the job then the other can and your right one cant make a decision without the other.,,so yes two will be a good ideal
Honestly, I didn't think you could have two on the POA making decisions. I know you can have others set up in case something happens to the dedicated POA... But not two making decisions.
Your sister obviously trusts you so I would do it. More than anything your brother needs to have a will and trust in place, if possible, if not..I would keep excellent records of what money is spent where.. If they are greedy enough, your family can take you to court to make sure the monies were used properly. It is just easier if you start taking records from the beginning. Good luck
LilDebb39, I suspect that you are not familiar with the horrors msdiva's greedy family have subjected her to regarding other caregiving in the past. She has good reason not to want to get into that situation again.
AMEN!!!! jean!!! i can not go thru it again
((((((msdiva))))) I remember reading about the horrors you went through. Possibly your sister is worried about the rest of the family turning on her too, as they did on you.
I think you have your answer, as you wrote in the post above.

The main thing is that your brother gets the help he needs. I assume your sis can do this, and it is very good of you to offer to help her, even though you do not want to be on the POA. More than one person on a POA can cause problems.

Do what is good for you.

((((((hugs))))) Joan
Well my friend/attorney told us it would be good to have and in their case they need too cause none of them don't even have clue what to do....so good luck to them all i will stay on the side line.for this one my brother is in worst shape my dad was in...and my dad didnt want not one oldest one to handle anything of his
msdiva I share POA with my sister for my mother. She gave me a hard time delayed action in emergency's. She's Told me to throw checks from past income tax returns due to the NH in the garbage because she won't sign them. Not to mention the unwillingness to help me file Returns that Medicaid expects me to so that I can pay the NH. Sister tells me to call a lawyer about stuff I already 3 years ago knew and told her if she were paying attention or if she were involved she'd know about.
Now my brother who is suffering with cancer and mentally disabled since birth. She is and had been his Rep payee for S.S. and she does pay his bills. She has not one clue of his care needs nor does she bring him to Dr's until it's critical and fatal, in fact she still does not do it my uncle does. When I brought this to other family members attention I was told don't be so Bitter.
I can't believe it I care if my brother and mother die but they all run except for my uncle and I am the Bitter one? There is a way I might go with this and that is Health care directive not financial just health issues, I think I am looking into it now.

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