I'm exhausted...mentally and physically!
My Dad is going to be 91...and I feel terrible that sometimes I just wonder...how much longer? I have read some of the posts and realize that I don't have it as bad as many, but when you are in it all day - all by yourself - it is a struggle.
I've been dealing with it since 2010, but now he lives with me so it is 24/7. The stress of caring for him, his meds, his appointments, his boredom. Getting him out and about is difficult, but he is bored if he stays home.
I work a very demanding full time (and then some) job. I have a commute on top of that. When I get home, I have to get his dinner ready, clean up, get myself situated for the next day and then get his next day things ready - setting out his medicine, getting his meals ready etc. Doing laundry helping him with his shower - and any other little request he makes.
I don't believe this is a new characteristic, but he is exceptionally narcisstic. He thinks ONLY of himself. I am dealing with an acute medical issue right now, and he never even asks how I feel...and if I should say :"I really don't feel well today", a typical response from him would be - "Oh I feel pretty good today" - he has no sympathy or empathy for anyone but himself.
Although he is not abusive, doesn't curse or hit me...he can still get around most of the time by himself, can still dress and feed himself and is not a drain on me financially, his presence is not a pleasant one. He's critical of everyone - doesn't have a nice thing to say about anyone - except himself. He has gross behaviors (sucks the food out of his partials after eating -- whether at home or in a restaurant!), farts wherever he wants to...coughs and sneezes in public without covering his face...there are just too many things to tell...
My sister lives out of state, and she helps when she is in town. I complain to her to get it out of my system. I am glad that I am able to provide him this care - I feel that it is the least I can do, but I have no time for myself, am totally mentally and physically exhausted.
He is the oldest living person in his family. His father passed at 53. His mother passed at 89. His brother passed in his 70's and his sister just died last week at 85. He has one remaining sister left (83) and a brother (80)...as terrible as it sounds, sometimes I can only make it through the day by thinking - "how much longer can this possibly go on?" - and then I feel so guilty for thinking that.
I'm so sorry - I know there are people out there that lost their folks and are grieving them still. I should be thankful and grateful that I still have my Dad...but I'm just so tired....