Don't hate your siblings, everyone does not have caregiver qualities.

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I too have a brother that leaves it all to me, he is not mentally able. Can you find help thru friends or other family members?


3930 helpful answers
I agree that this is the kind way to look at it. Some people aren't cut out to be caregivers. Still, some in the community have done all the work yet are criticized by the siblings. They'd maybe feel more love for the sibling if he or she didn't criticize the caregiver's efforts.

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Take care,
So sorry you have both your parent and your brother to look after.

Do you have other siblings willing to help?
I have never had any help, no other siblings. It is my experience in all the years I have been caregiving, those that criticize already know their shortcomings, and it is easier to be critical for them. My brother has always told me to just take care of things and what a great job I am doing!! However, I know deep inside he has and will always have feelings concerning his inability to have helped me. He has a wife who stands clearly in his way, may not sound like a good excuse to some but I have not walked one mile in his shoes nor do I want to.
3930 helpful answers
I agree that many siblings who can't/don't help live with a lot of guilt. Often the spouse and/or children are the issue. Distance, too. Anyway, I do admire your forgiveness, because when we are able to do that we not only help others but we help ourselves. Often, that takes time but you seem to be doing well.
Take care,
No disrespect to your situation but my siblings have no excuses for their lack of support. Their behavior is pure selfishness.. Out of site out of mind..
the ability to forgive comes from a higher power, most cannot do it on their own, thus comes resentment that will take over ones thoughts, prevent them from doing what is needed properly and eat their insides out, causing themselves more harm than good. I was taught FAMILY is what it all comes down to in the end, so I have tried my very best to keep those ties no matter what!! Even though I may not have received the help I think should have been given, I love my Family and do not want to alienate them because I stepped up to the plate when the need arose. There have been many sacrifices thru the years, but in the end I will be able to say "WELL DONE"!!
Oh by the way, I forgot to mention my Husband was injured on the job and is at home with me handicapped, so life is what it is and it is how we deal with it that we will be dealt with!! Hope all have a great day, I am off to the Nursing Home to spend the day with my Mom. I have also found great pleasure in volunteering their. because it brings joy to her and me.
I absolutely agree that if you're not cut out to be a caregiver then, without guilt, you should admit it and leave it alone; or, like my sister, find something helpful to do for your parent that doesn't involve close, frequent contact.

What I find hard, though, is that I don't find my "horses for courses" attitude shared by my three siblings. They don't demonstrate a moment's respect for or appreciation of what I do, and in fact there are all kinds of implied, cynical or resentful insinuations about my motives and character in virtually every comment they make. They apparently find it beyond belief that I might choose to care for my mother simply because I think it is an important and worthwhile thing to do.

I don't care, and I try not to allow it to affect my relationship with my mother, or hers with them. I wouldn't say I hate them, either: I certainly don't wish them any ill. But I do cheerfully despise the weakness and apathy of at least two of them, and I shall be glad to discard them all once my mother has passed away.

So, Yipster, I've no problem forgiving my siblings for their failure to support me: that makes no real difference. But what should I do about their pathetic failure to communicate with or to demonstrate concern or affection for their mother? - who, by the way, loves them, has never in her life been cruel to a living soul, and, while she doesn't complain, feels their absence from her life. Is that for me to forgive, or her?
To each his own..
I just had a wonderful experience. I was in the midst of firing off a blistering note about my sibling I do quite often...too often I suppose...was just about to hit "submit" and suddenly had some folks come to the door, witnessing in the name of our Lord and was such a blessing to note was horrible...full of anger and hate...spewing out a half a decade of venom....I am so thankful these folks stopped by....every single scripture they read to me addressed exactly what pain I was feeling, one of the genlemen was a co caregiver for his MIL....there are many times I know where God has sent messengers to me in times of absolute need...this morning was another one...thank you God for this sign from Heaven....the reason I am here, Mama, has not is not easy, but she is a good woman, and has been such a loving and precious Mama all her life....I am blessed to be able to be here...God will make a way for me, and for each of us, I do I have heard it said...He does not call the qualified...he qualifies the called....I am so excited...and so thankful......going forth with a happy heart......and thanking God for my time with my sweet Mama.....

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